Celebrity Apprentice Season 3, Episode 3:

Hey, it’s the extended opening theme! In his scene, Michael is dipping a business shoe in a can of yellow paint labeled “Fast Gold”. Is that really stupid or is a clever joke that I just don’t get? Because it seems really stupid, and if it’s actually going over my head, I’m really going to feel like a boob. (I don’t get it either.–Myndi)

Maria delivers her check to the Make-a-Wish Foundation, and meets a kid with lymphoma whose wish is to meet Donald Trump. If I may quote Ricky Gervais, that never happened. That is not anybody’s wish. It’s not Barron’s wish, for cry pete! But, you know, charity. They are exempt from mockery. She promises the kid that he can come to the live finale, and it looks like he’s in a commercial with Trump later in the show. I can’t be sure, because kids tend to look alike to me, but my viewing group agreed that it was probably him. Yes, I have a Celebrity Apprentice viewing group. Shut up.

The retarded baby ducklings assemble on a rooftop. Trump asks Blagojevich what he thought of the Boardroom. This is regrettable because it encourages him to talk, and SHUT UP! Anyway, Trump says that identity theft is a yooge problem, and that means that it’s another LifeLock task! Sure enough, LifeLock Todd, who looks like Marc Summers from Double Dare, is there, along with Janice from Norton Anti-Virus. They’re teaming up! The only way to be safer is to live inside a vault! Their task it to create a four-page “advertorial” to showcase the Norton/LifeLock synthesis for Time. Each team has to have a spokesperson, and they’ll be judged on creativity, brand integration, celebrity spokesperson, and overall presentation.

Ivanka’s sitting out this week, so we get Don Jr. and Gavin, who owns the Palms Casino and looks like one of the guys from Ralph Cifaretto’s crew. Not a fair trade for Ivanka, no sir. Summer Sanders volunteers to be Tenacity’s manager, and Rock Solid picks Michael. Nobody ever volunteers at Rock Solid – it’s always the last guy to say “not it”.

Tenacity heads to their photography studio for their meeting with the executives. By the way, I don’t usually think about jewelry, but between Sharon, Maria, and Cyndi, there are some crazy-ass rings on display here. You will not be surprised to hear that Cyndi blurts out a question that throws everybody off. (“What about Mac?”) But it gets better – “I have another question. My kid is on the Internet. And he thinks he knows – all kids think – and he’s eleven going on twelve. And I am now starting to get phone calls from the things that he thinks he’s won.” It cuts off there, but it’s pretty clear that Cyndi’s son is getting scammed so regularly on the Internet that the Nigerian princes just call the house now. That does not surprise me, actually. Summer looks like her project is going up in smoke. Cyndi continues to ask questions, and she seems to think that LifeLock is a literal lock. Hee.

The executives move to Rock Solid, where Bret is talking about color choices. Considering that he is wearing a leather cowboy hat with airbrushed flames, American flags, and an eagle adorning it, he has lost his right to give input. He asks questions that are as crazy as Cyndi’s, only you can tell he thinks that they make him sound smart. “So, you’re consumer driven?” I think he might even threaten Todd’s family at one point. Michael tries to cut him off, but Bret re-cuts him to talk about the mortgage crisis. And then he talks about how celebrities often change their names. Wait, so that wasn’t Roxy Rocket’s real name? Curtis Stone finally jumps in with actual questions about what the execs want, and then Bret interrupts to ask them if they employ any actual identity thieves. That’s definitely something they’d put in their ads, I bet!

If I tell you that somebody on an NBC show said the following words, would you think I was referring to Bret Michaels or Dwight Schrute? “I felt that the executive meeting is the most connected I’ve ever felt to Michael. I sat next to him for a purpose – I wanted him to know I’m there for him. I will not let him down.” Yeah, I’d have thought Dwight, too. Bret is a weird guy, but it’s like he’s weird in a different way every week. He’s worse than Cyndi, because she’s flaky but likeable. He’s always thinking about how it’s going to play on TV, and it makes me crazy. (You hit the nail on the head.  He’s way too involved in reality TV land and can’t just be himself, not even for a second.  Then again, that might involved losing the hat/bandanna/wig contraption on his head, so, for sure it’s not happening.–Myndi)

Tenacity seems to be floundering, because Summer keeps explaining the task rather than giving specifics about what they’ll do. She puts Selita Ebanks in charge of the photo shoot, and that rankles Cyndi because she’s actually directed shoots before. Maria nominates Cyndi as their spokesperson and Summer pauses on it for so long that it gets ridiculously awkward, and then says Sharon needs to be the spokesperson. She claims Cyndi can’t relate to everybody, but it’s only because she’s so awesome. Cyndi isn’t buying it, and Maria really thinks Summer’s making a mistake. (Part of me also thinks Maria’s a big pot-stirrer and she’s trying to sabotage Summer a little.–Myndi)

Oh, get this. Michael gives Bret a specific task – design and graphics. You know, exactly the kind of defined role he desperately wants. And he responds that he would prefer to be a “right hand man”, a job he describes as “just working, working, working”. So, the thing he didn’t want to do last week then? What the hell, Michaels? Finally, Michael and Bret agree that he’s the “Grunt Guy”. Man, this is frustrating. “What am I supposed to do?” “Here’s what you’re supposed to do.” “Can I not have a defined role?” Michael is awesome though, because he then says that the Grunt Guy needs to do design and graphics. Bret responds with “You just need to tell me when”, and Michael clarifies “Right now”. Ha! And then Bret actually presents some drawings which look like they were made by a fifth-grader. I feel like there should be a jet plane dropping bombs on the school. Goldberg flat-out tells him “this is really stupid”. You know what? Bret is the Stephen Baldwin of this season. (And we shall call him Flea II.–Myndi)

In the background, Darryl Strawberry lies down for a nap, groaning audibly. For this show, that’s subtle storytelling. Michael things Curtis should be their spokesperson because “cooking is hot right now”. Yeah, people are finally coming back to the idea of eating food. Blagojevich thinks it should be Michael. He is wrong. See, on their team, most of the celebrities could elicit negative reactions from an audience. Blagojevich, Bret, Darryl, and Goldberg to an extent. Michael and Curtis are the only viable choices. People know Michael’s name but not a lot of people recognize him on sight. Curtis has a higher profile from Today, and I’m told he’s hot. Essentially, you run the risk of people hating their more famous members, and Curtis is the most recognizable of what’s left.

Blagojevich says they’re “prematurely ejaculating” and “need more foreplay”. So long, sex! You had a good run, but I’m afraid that you have now been ruined forever. Good luck in your new ventures. Blagojevich lists all of his accomplishments as Governor in an interview, and never gets around to making his point. If he turned out to be a giant lizard in a suit, I would not be even slightly surprised.

Tenacity discusses the images for their ad, and Summer seems very focused on the idea of baby identity theft. Well, babies should be more careful. You can’t give out your information to any fast-talker who asks for it, whether or not you’re in a diaper. Stupid babies. Holly Robinson Peete wants you to know that identity theft affects everybody from zero to ninety-nine. So once you hit the century mark, you’re home free! If that doesn’t motivate you to quite smoking, nothing will. Maria doesn’t get what they’re trying to say in the photos, and Summer isn’t able to explain it. Know what that means? It means she doesn’t know either! Everybody talks at the same time, and a weird edit makes it look like Cyndi is disagreeing with herself. Sharon says that everybody is jockeying for position and they’re going to end up disliking each other. Because it’s a great idea to sit and talk about your feelings when you’re in a time crunch. It’s an even better idea to talk about the feelings you’re going to eventually have at some point, maybe.

The photographer shows up at Rock Solid, and they’re not ready. Curtis pitches a first page but Bret is obsessed with using Goldberg and replacing his head with the LifeLock logo. I’ve got to be honest with you – I would never stop screaming.

At Tenacity, Summer is doing her best to ignore Cyndi. The problem is, she goes off on some tangents so often that when she’s actually talking about the task and offering useful input, they still treat her like the Crazy Cat Lady. So Summer sends Maria and Cyndi to go pick up some props they’ll need for the shoot. They don’t even try to pretend that they’re not marginalizing her. Sharon calls Summer out on it, only she does so in an interview so it accomplishes nothing. Way to stand up for the downtrodden! At least she’s shocked at how much she’s swearing in the interview. That’s right, she managed to offend herself!

Michael assigns Blagojevich to go online and come up with a list of ways that people can be affected by cyber-crime. And then the man who used to be the Governor of Illinois reveals that he can’t turn on a laptop. He keeps poking at the touchpad and staring blankly. And every time he touches the computer, he recoils instantly. He explains that he can’t “access the computer”, because he thinks that makes him sound less like a dolt. Curtis opens a Word Document for him, because clearly he’s going to be working on CreedThoughts.gov, and he assures everybody that he knows how to type. Michael says it’s hard to give him a task, because he can’t really do anything.

No kidding, the next shot is Blagojevich typing with one finger while scratching his head with his free hand. He looks like those monkeys at the beginning of 2001. It would not be possible to fabricate a shot that makes him look like more of a dullard, unless you had him pick his nose and eat it. He explains that, as Governor, he never needed to use a computer. That seriously freaks me out. (Kind of a relief to know our President wouldn’t relinqish his precious Blackberry, isn’t it, when this is the opposite end of the spectrum?–Myndi)

At Tenacity, Summer is still unable to verbalize what the plan is for their photo shoot. Their photographer arrives and Summer now has a new person to explain her concept. She seems to think that if she stands close enough to somebody, they will understand what she is thinking. Sadly, her mind-meld is ineffective. He finally says they have to give him specific information about what they want. “I need specific direction, and you haven’t given that to me.” “So what you’re saying is I haven’t given it to you.” Dude, I think David Mamet scripted this episode.

In the Tenacity van, Cyndi tells Maria how stupid it is that Selita is art-directing. I like these two together – Maria has been consistently nice to Cyndi, no matter how nutty she gets. Maria is actually upset on Cyndi’s behalf, so good for her. They arrive at a prop house which seems like a magical place. It’s all just completely random things sitting next to one another, so if you need a sofa or an old-timey microphone or a jar of gumballs, they’ll hook you up. Cyndi haggles with the prop lady which cracks her up. It sounds like she saved them a lot of money by making a hilarious sad face. You know, this show could really just be Maria and Cyndi riding around in a van and having adventures and I would watch the hell out of it.

Michael assigns Darryl and Rod to go get props. Getting props is really just a way to marginalize hard-to-manage team members, is what I’m learning. They check the Word document and learn that it took Blagojevich 30 minutes to type one paragraph. Wow. Darryl stops for a cigarette before getting in the van, and Darryl tells us how tired he’s been. He explains that as an athlete/celebrity, he doesn’t usually get up before noon. Thus, his body doesn’t function as well as a normal person’s. First off, cry me a river about how you sleep until noon every day. Second, his logic is that regular people have bodies that function better than those of athletes. Thus, my body functions better than that of, say, Peyton Manning. And seriously, I’m held together with twine and bitterness at this point. Just imagine how Peyton must feel! Back on the street, Blagojevich shmoozes the public and Darryl has to force him to stay on task. That’s right, Darryl is the taskmaster in this pair. (Darryl’s assertions here are complete crap.  I’m guessing most athletes are up early on a normal day, but he’s more of a washed up former drug addict at this point, so maybe that’s the key.–Myndi)

Don Jr. visits Tenacity and makes the mistake of asking Summer about her concept. I’m not even going to bother transcribing it, but she makes Project Manager Sinbad look like… some manager who’s known for great speeches. Lee Iacocca? Sure, we’ll go with that. (Come on, I’m still exhausted from trying to come up with the name of an athlete in the last paragraph.) Don Jr. looks completely confused, and when that happens he looks more frog-like than usual. Summer keeps starting to say things and then staring off into space for long intervals.

It seems like it’s Holly who ultimately comes up with the layout. She’s pretty good at actually getting stuff done, but she’s way too focused on the theoretical Boardroom that will ensue. You can tell she was totally a Mean Girl at one point. They finally get to the point that Sharon will be in all the scenes, looking like a badass. They put her in a Matrix coat and she looks all mean while holding a copy of Norton AntiVirus.

Holly and Selita go to spy on Rock Solid, and they giggle that Curtis is “doing the cooking thing again”, because he’s in an apron. Well, come on. In Week One, they ran a freaking diner. That was pretty natural. Last week, they had everybody displaying what they were best known for. This week it’s a little more of a stretch, but if they’re using Curtis as the spokesman, putting him in an apron is a good shorthand way to remind people how they know him. I don’t think it’s as played out as they seem to think. Selita interviews at length about the apron, and I’m really not liking her this week. Liked her a lot in week one, can’t remember anything she did in week two, and this week I’m just irritated. She compares Curtis in an apron to her “showing up in a thong and wings on my back”, and if she were to do that, it might get me back on her side. Maybe. She’d better try it so we can find out for sure.

Curtis poses for pictures, and he looks more genial but less badass than Sharon. They also get shots of Michael in his running gear and Goldberg without his shirt. Goldberg talks about how inspirational Michael is, and then does something with his body so that his veins absolutely pop out on camera. It’s kind of neat how he goes from friendly to crazy with nothing in between. (Yes, “neat”.  Totally the word I had in mind as well.–Myndi)

Darryl talks about how this project doesn’t play to his strengths, then he orders a pizza. He talks about being sleepy. Man, this guy is absolutely electric. Shirtless Goldberg hugs Michael, and Michael gets covered with “Goldberg goo”, and Bret smirks because he hasn’t been on camera in twenty minutes.

Cyndi and Maria haul their props to the truck, and Cyndi makes my day with this story. “One time I picked up Dennis Rodman, but I dropped him. Center of gravity, very bad.” HA! The only thing funnier than the mental image of Cyndi Lauper lifting Dennis is the image of Cyndi dropping him. Granted, that’s only a fall of about a foot-and-a-half, but it’s awesome. She should mention that in the Boardroom – Trump will want details about what it’s like to hold Rodman in your arms, if only for a moment. Maria is impressed with how much Cyndi can lift – Maria totally loves her. Oh, and then Cyndi puts the capper on it “Now I know why Dennis Rodman started drinking.” The freaky strong ladies bring their props back to the Tenacity suite.

Bret finally gets to work on the design, since the graphic designer provided to them is a lady. Bret hits on her grossly, beginning with a “joke” about making a porno video the night before. If you want to see a textbook example of “laughing politely”, watch this poor woman who is just trying to get her job done and go home. Bret assures us that he isn’t creepy. Guess what? If you have ever had to tell people that you aren’t creepy, then you are creepy.

Michael doesn’t like his white-type on a black background design, because he has a soul. That always looks terrible and if your eyes are even a little bad, it can be torture to read. Ultimately, Michael’s text-based design isn’t great, but if they ask for an advertorial, I assume that’s what they want. To me, that means they’re asking for something they can put in a magazine that will seem like content unless you look at it very closely. I don’t think that’s exactly what they want, but it kind of is what they asked for. Naturally, this provokes more whining from Bret.

Gavin visits Rock Solid, and he makes a ridiculous number of hand gestures in the first few minutes. Is somebody on Rock Solid deaf? Michael shows him the ad, and it’s really text heavy. Again, that’s what an advertorial is in my mind. Plus, I’m more verbal and I think their ad would sell me more than black and white pictures of Sharon Osbourne. Gavin likes their concept and vision but feels it was too wordy. Bret volunteers to Gavin that the words are too small, which is exactly what a right hand man should do. Michael’s irritated that he had to waste time talking to Gavin. Hee. I’ve never seen anybody really call out the visits like that. Maybe he’s just mad that it wasn’t Ivanka. Me too, pal.

Tenacity takes pictures of Summer with a baby and an old lady. Did they get them from the prop store too? Cyndi really did get a bargain! Holly gripes about how much time it took, and she’s having problems with PowerPoint. You know what? They are actively trying to elicit specific references to The Office from me.

Rock Solid is putting on the finishing the touches. Blagojevich whispers to Goldberg about how they’re mischaracterizing the types of fraud. You know what, dude? That’s the kind of thing you should probably say out loud. Yes, they’ll laugh about how you’re the expert, but I think they’ll be happy for the correction. Curtis talks about what a good manager Michael has been and how involved he is and committed to his vision of the project.

Time for the presentations! Rock Solid is first, and Curtis takes the reigns. He explains that he’s the spokesman because he’s been the victim of identity theft. Good move with that. The executives just beam at him. Then Michael steps up and shows off their advertorial on the big screen and walks them through it. It’s really hard to read the screen, but I don’t think that should be a negative. You can’t read most magazine pages when they’re projected from a laptop onto a big screen. That’s not the display it was designed for. By the end, fake Marc Summers looks pretty bored. (Perhaps he was hoping for something involving green slime?–Myndi)

Tenacity steps up next. Summer introduces the project and asks them what’s important. She names a bunch of things, and then I assume she’s going to ask the executives to put them in a backpack and feel the weight of it, before finally setting the backpack on fire. (Who loved Up in the Air? This guy!) And then the PowerPoint doesn’t work, leaving Summer and Holly looking like Jerry from Parks and Recreation. Yep, two references in one paragraph. That’s how we roll! (At least they didn’t bend over like Jerry and split their pants while simultaneously ripping off a huge fart!  That’s three.–Myndi)

Summer rolls with it, because she has the facts on hand. Finally, the presentation pops up onscreen, and it’s totally four full-page pictures of Sharon Osbourne scowling at scenes of tranquility. It looks cool on the screen, but I think I’d blow right past it in a magazine. Sharon takes the stage, immediately mispronounces “advertorial”, says something that gets bleeped, and ends up in a coughing fit. Lady knows how to make an impression…

The executives head in to meet with Trump, who’s wearing a tie that’s ridiculously yellow. I think it’s made of Big Bird. The Norton lady says both ads were creative, but they’d have to make changes in order to use them. Tenacity made a good connection but didn’t educate. Also, they didn’t provide information as to where you would go to get the product. Rock Solid had plenty of facts, but not all of them would be cleared by legal. Ha! Did they straight up lie or make weird accusations? Does their advertorial contain the phrase “9/11 was an inside job”? They liked Curtis, but feel like Goldberg would better indicate security. Trump actually seems to like the Rock Solid ad better.

The sweepstakes continues! What was Trump’s Kodak moment this week? Blagojevich can’t work a computer? Cyndi makes the haggling face? Michael… poses for a picture?? Seriously, did only two things happen this week? Remember, only 73 entries per person, so don’t go too crazy.

Do you guys remember Season One, when this was only a one hour show? Now the Boardroom takes up 40 minutes all by itself. It’s like they’re trying to kill me.

Boardroom time! First question: Michael, who was the star? The team was the star. Who was the weakest player? Blagojevich. Michael gives no specifics, which is unfortunate. I mean, just from what we’ve seen, we could come up with reasons to fire him on our own. He also says Bret wasn’t as hard to handle as he expected. Michael and Trump agree that Darryl is Darryl. Glad they solved that existential crisis. Blagojevich talks some more and dear God, SHUT UP!

Summer loves her entire team, even is she has issues with the things they do. Trump presses for specifics, and Summer fumbles for a bit. Finally she says that Cyndi talks too much. Cyndi seems authentically surprised and hurt and keeps apologizing. Poor Cyndi. She’s crazy, but she has feelings. Holly agrees that Cyndi is an asset to the team except for the parts when they have to accomplish things.

Trump shows each team the opposing ads. Michael thinks Tenacity made an ad but not an advertorial. Trump makes fun of Darryl for not looking at it at all, and he swears again. He’s cursing a lot this season. Blagojevich likes Tenacity’s ad better. Way to be a team player, dude.

The women complain that Rock Solid’s ad is too wordy. “Like an advertorial”, he reminds them, and his commitment to the concept is cracking me up. Cyndi asks if she’s allowed to speak, and Trump say she can, despite what Summer said. Hey, crap? Consider yourself stirred. Cyndi then talks about advertorials, and she and Michael completely disagree about the premise. Michael finally says “I’m starting to understand Summer’s point”, to absolutely no amusement whatsoever.

Gavin says that, in this day and age, nobody has time to read all these words. So, it’s official. I hate him. Don Jr. is the voice of reason, saying the ideal product would have been somewhere between the two approaches. Gavin busts Summer for not including a phone number in the ad, and she agrees that’s a good point, but does it in a way that makes it seem like she’s right.

Time to pick the winner – it sounds like the executives weren’t blown away by either, but tossed a “What the hell?” toward Tenacity. Summer bursts into tears as she gets $20,000 and a portion of the LifeLock/Norton bundle sales (which is a classy move on their part, really) for Right to Play, which provides games and playground equipment for kids in developing countries. OK, I can’t shake the image of a group of starving kids looking at a Bounce House and thinking “So?” But I’ll shut up about it now.

Summer and Cyndi have an awkward conversation where they apologize but they sort of hate one another. I’m waiting for this one to blow up again at an unspecified later date.

In the Boardroom, Michael admits that he’s really disappointed, and he doesn’t like to lose. Michael owns up to being the guy who insisted on the wordy approach, and doesn’t think anybody tried to talk him out of it. And that’s largely true. Bret got all passive-aggressive and Blagojevich whispered his concerns to people who weren’t Michael. See, if you want credit for opposing a losing idea, you actually have to let it be known that you oppose it. Michael even offers to let anybody speak up right now if they oppose the idea. Trump admires him for that, but really because he has won gold medals.

Gavin once again goes on about how there are two many words. And yet, he takes forever to make this seemingly simple point. Trump wonders why they chose Curtis, although he acknowledges that Curtis is a very handsome man. Michael gives the awesome answer “I thought we needed a current star.” Suck it, everybody else on Rock Solid who’s just waiting to die! Trump says Goldberg is a better choice, and I still think that there’s a pretty big segment of the population who writes off anything wrestling-related as being dunderheaded. Curtis is one of the few guys on the team without some kind of strike against his image.

Curtis agrees that he has a lot of credibility. Because what else was he going to say? Trump asks Bret why he’s so quiet, and Bret says it’s because nobody asked him a question. Also, because he’s still sulking about last week. He says they should have won, and Tenacity goes nuts in the suite. I love Cyndi: “If he turned that in as a record cover, the record companies would throw it right back at him.” Yep, album covers use the exact same design aesthetics as successful ads for personal security. Also, it’s cute how she thinks that a record company would even talk to Bret in this day and age. Anyway, Bret says their ad wasn’t actually better, but they still should have won. It doesn’t end there for Bret either. “As a graphic designer, this is my suggestion…” Trump cuts him off with “Are you a graphic designer?” Bret answers “No”. HA! As a graphic designer, which I am not, I’d like to offer my opinion. Don Jr. stifles a laugh at that, and Trump presses for more explanation as to what he means, and as soon as Bret mentions Poison, Trump tells him to move on.

Bret says that he doesn’t feel his ideas are always being respected. Well, have some good ones, and maybe they’ll be respected. Trump asks Michael who the weakest player was, and Michael is irritated at having to answer this question for the second time in five minutes. Once again, he says it’s Blagojevich. Because, you know, that was the answer last time. Blagojevich argues that he played “a lot of a part”, and Trump blurts “They’re killing you!” I assume there was a lengthy bashing sequence that got cut. Because, you know, they only have two hours. Michael does say that Blagojevich is not the reason they lost the task. I really like Michael.

Trump says that Blagojevich is in a bad position because he can’t be a jerk. He can’t insult Darryl because maybe one of his fans will be on the jury. Hee. I love how they openly talk about his legal problems to his face. Trump adds “he should be kissing ass all over the place”, and you’re welcome for the mental image. Darryl gets his first funny line of the series when he assures Trump “he has been”. Blagojevich always has this look on his face like he’s doing something bad right at this moment and he’s hoping nobody notices. It’s not a good look for a trial because he always looks like the most guilty person alive. (Also, the creepiest version of Big Boy ever.–Myndi)

Blagojevich says that the team doesn’t utilize him because they’re concerned about his situation. Yep, that’s definitely the reason. Also, he claims he’s “been in this business”, with no indication as to which business that is. Graphic design? He says he should have been more involved. Good way to do that is to contribute. You know?

Darryl Strawberry gets weird now. He says that if anybody should be fired, it’s him. Everybody reacts with shock. Now, remember last season when the Project Manager couldn’t pick a second person to come back to the Boardroom? T-Boz volunteered and was fired almost instantly because “you don’t volunteer for execution”? Keep this is mind.

Trump says he’s just saying that because he wants to “be cool and a nice guy”. Darryl insists that he did what was asked but he didn’t contribute any ideas. Trump asks if he wants to be fired. Darryl’s answer is “Yes”. Remember, T-Boz was fired just for volunteering to take a seat in the final Boardroom. Trump asks if he’s sure. Darryl is sure. He says he’s tired and wants to go home. In the suite, Holly yells at him for crapping out on his charity, which is the same as hers. Guess she should step up and volunteer as Project Manager then, right? I am betting that will not happen.

Trump explains that two people have quit in nine seasons, and I’m not going to name them. But I know who they are, because I’m a sad man. He claims that they still regret it, and they write him and call him. Wait, why? What would that accomplish? He’s lying! Darryl says he’s not quitting, but he is asking to be fired. Trump tries to spin this in a way that lets him keep his anti-quitting stance and also maintain his man-crush. Michael is disgusted by all of this, because the poor delusional bastard is taking this show seriously. He is in for a rude awakening. But he doesn’t want to stay if he’s only surviving because Darryl quits.

Trump’s new spin – Darryl is volunteering because he’s that loyal to his team. He has asked multiple times to be fired, and Trump is just not having it. T-Boz would have been fired 30 or 40 times by now. He continues to explain why it’s really Michael who should be fired. (Which would have made me so mad!  I guess you can’t really make a huge case for firing Bret on this one, but all you have to do is reference Rod’s computer escapade to secure his fate in my opinion.–Myndi) He asks Darryl once again if he wants to be fired. For the third time, he says he does. Well, I guess you’re fired. Trump does make sure to explain that he will always respect Darryl. But I thought he hated quitters… this is so confusing.

Also, Trump tells Michael that he knows him “probably better than you know yourself”. You guys, Donald has actually lost his mind at this point. Wow, they are still talking about Darryl. Michael is pissed that Darryl quit, and this whole thing is weird and tiring. Darryl’s not the only one who wants to go home.

Next week, both teams work on a Harry Potter-themed amusement park attraction, which should be insane. Until then, I am hell up outta here.