Aiden Turner and Edyta Sliwinska – There always has to be soap
star I’ve never heard of in the cast. (this time, me neither.–Myndi) But since that subgroup includes Kelly Monaco and Cameron Matheson, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. His name is Aiden, and he plays a character named Aidan, and that is going to amuse me all season. That’s about all I have – when his official ABC bio spends two of its four paragraphs talking about where he went to school and where he’s traveled, there’s not a lot to say about the guy. He’s partnered up with Edyta, who’s making her tenth appearance on the show. It always feels wrong when Edyta leaves too early, so it’s good to see that she’s partnered up with somebody who appears to be pretty athletic. Seriously though, he plays a character whose name is just a misspelled version of his own name! (it’s like if I’d been on Mork & Mindy!–Myndi)
Buzz Aldrin and Ashly Costa – This is a guy who’s actually in the history books. The second man to walk on the moon (and as he reminded us in his appearance on The Simpsons, “Second comes right after first!”), Aldrin is probably more iconic than Neil Armstrong. Rather than being the Tenzing Norgay to Armstrong’s Edmund Hillary, he stuck in the public imagination. Buzz Lightyear is named after him. The MTV Video Award statue is modeled after him, and there’s an episode of Monty Python titled “The Buzz Aldrin Show”. Plus, Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston played him in an HBO miniseries. I bring this all up as if walking on the moon wasn’t awesome enough. But, you know, the man is 80 years old. That’s not exactly the prime time to take up ballroom dancing. I’m sure he’s in better shape than the average 80-year-old, but that doesn’t add up to a real competitor. I have a feeling this will end up being sad and awkward. The much-missed Ashly returns as his partner. We haven’t seen her since Season Three, but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t banking on an octogenarian as a partner. (Hey, anyone’s better than Master P!–Myndi)
Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy – If you’re like me, you mostly know E
rin from that peephole video from last year. Not that I saw the video, you understand. The other way I know her is from ABC’s coverage of the annual Scripps-Howard Spelling Bee, which I watch religiously. She’s actually best known in the real world for being an ESPN sideline reporter, and my sister assures me that she’s not very good at it. In the end, I think she’ll suffer from not having a real fanbase – people who know her from ESPN will probably vote for the actual athletes instead. People who know her from being naked through a peephole will probably vote for Pamela Anderson instead. People who know her from the Spelling Bee are me, and I’ll vote for the dude partnered up with Anna instead. At least Erin’s paired up with fan-favorite Maksim, who should get her to at least the middle of the season. ( I wish I knew Maks from a peephole video…–Myndi)
Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel – Oh, awesome. Deputy Raineesha Williams is taking the floor! I seriously love Reno 911!, so I am really looking forward to having her on the show. I actually think she’ll be quite good – she spent six seasons and a movie wearing Raineesha’s famous padded pants (not to mention her scenes as welfare mom T.T. who wore padded, well, everything), and she got around pretty well. It seems like she’d probably be quite nimble without that extra five or six sizes of derriere. And I just really want to be able to drop frequent Reno references, so let’s hope she sticks around. Her partner, Louis, has been around, on and off, since Season One, and I don’t really have much of an opinion on him. I don’t have a problem with him, but I don’t check the line-ups every season with my fingers crossed that he’s taking part this time. (With his level of, um, flamboyancy and her flair for physical comedy, this should be quite a pair.–Myndi)
Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower – I didn’t watch The Bachelor this season, mostly because I’m a dude. I usually only watch it when women with serious alcohol problems make it past the first couple of rounds, because those group dates are hilarious. I don’t know much about Jake, and I only know his girlfriend Vienna from The Soup, where Joel McHale makes fun of her for being cross-eyed. So all I really have to say is that his bio on ABC’s website is amazing. “Buckle up for a sexy ride”? Who wrote that, Borat? He’s partnered with Chelsie Hightower, of whom I am not a fan. I just don’t trust those So You Think You Can Dance alumni – I can’t shake the feeling that they’re up to something. Basically, this is a pairing by which I am neither excited nor disgusted. (I don’t watch the show either, but I hear he really, really likes to talk about being a pilot, and also that he’s kind of a giant d-bag. So, this really can’t be good.–Myndi)
