Previously on Dancing with the Stars: Tom Bergeron did his best to pretend that Sarah Paling didn’t get booed, though to be fair, some of them were saying “Boo-urns”. Also, you guys, that Michael Bolton dance actually happened. It was not a dream – that was a thing that was on your TV. I know, I’m having a hard time believing it too.
Wow, we’re getting into some standings right off the bat. We get quick recaps of Kyle Massey and Brandy, both of whom did all right, though there was that whole thing where Maks claimed that Brandy’s shoes made it impossible to point her toes, and Len pretty much went all OJ-trying-on-the-gloves and demanded proof. It was a really weird show last night. Anyway, Kyle is safe and Brandy is in jeopardy. I don’t think that means “bottom two”, though. Tom asks Bruno about Brandy and suggests that some of the audience might not be very happy with him. Bruno gets the line of the night early on with “FOX is waiting.” HA! Now, understand that I don’t want Bruno to leave this show, ever. But if he had a late night show on FOX, that would be pretty amazing. Like, he’d host every show from his bathtub and make everybody wear Carmen Miranda hats. I would totally watch that show.Tom gets things back on track by telling Bruno that he was a little hard on Michael Bolton, and Bruno explains that it was because Michael was terrible. Len disagrees and says that there job is to encourage. Isn’t it actually to judge? Because they’re judges? It’s so weird that they’re spending time discussing last night’s scores like this. Bruno thought it was a bad dance and he said so. And it’s not like Len is always looking for positives either. He’s always the first to tell somebody that they don’t deserve to go any further on the show. Still, they bring things back to happy town when they pick the encore dance – Kyle and Lacey. I find him very winning, but I’ve never quite warmed to Lacey. The dance is still pretty good, but it seems a little less lively than last night. But then, it doesn’t need to be. I’d totally dog it on my encore dance. Assuming that I somehow got famous, got on this show, and then danced well enough that people wanted to see it again. That’s a series of big assumptions.
Time for a musical number! The first musician is Janelle Monae, and this is literally the first time I’ve ever heard of her. She has crazy hair, and I can’t help but think it’s a look that Grace Jones rocked at some point. It’s fun and upbeat, though I will probably not remember it by the time I get up in the morning.
Samantha talks to the stars in the Celebriquarium, and Florence Henderson, no fooling, makes a joke about performing sexual favors on Len. Samantha pulls Derek and Jennifer Grey aside to talk about last night’s booing incident. She says that the audience did not boo Sarah Palin, and they show a really rough cut of the judges giving their scores and then clowning around, and suddenly the audience starts to boo. Honestly, I don’t really have a horse in this race, but I don’t see them doing anything boo-worthy here. It almost seems like they’re trying to say “Hey, nobody was booing Palin because at that moment there was another thing happening, so that must be it.” I don’t care either way, but this seems weirdly disingenuous. They’re trying way too hard right now, which makes me even more suspicious.
We see some more footage of last week, and they are never going to get me to like The Situation. Also, Sarah Palin needs to give the bomber jacket a rest. When I notice that you’re wearing the same outfit too often, sister, you are wearing the same outfit too often. But never mind that, we’re saving some more couples. Florence and Corky are safe! Bristol and Mark are also safe! The Situation and Karina? Still in danger.
After the break, we take a look at Audrina Patridge and Jennifer. I really hope Tony follows through with that leg waxing promise. That will amuse me. Both Audrina and Jennifer are safe.
There’s a clip package where the pros talk about their pre-show rituals. Corky Ballas taps the doorframe on his way out like he’s a Dillon Panther. Derek puts his socks in the fridge. Cheryl puts hand sanitizer under her armpits. Wait, what? They also talk about how they like to interact with their partner on show day. Well, at least it’s something we haven’t seen every season – good job!
The Macy’s Stars of Dance performance is a ballet troupe. Well, sort of like gymnastic ballet – there are handstands and the like. Ballet’s not a bad thing to combine with gymnastics, but I still think karate would be better. Gymkata – the skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate.
And then it’s another musical number from Mr. Heidi Klum himself, Seal. He’s performing a song that starts out exactly like “Kiss From a Rose” and it takes a little while before the song decided that it is definitely not “Kiss From a Rose”. He jumps off the stage and carries the microphone to a smaller stage. Unfortunately, he didn’t continue with a series of progressively smaller stages until he was balancing on something the size of an ice cube.
There’s a clip package where people talk about how much they want to win. This is not as exciting as you might think. And then, we see footage from the remaining four couples. This group includes Kurt Warner and Anna, and as with last night, I am completely distracted by her outfit. You guys are lucky I’m even getting this recap finished!
And luckily, Kurt and Anna are the first couple saved out of this batch! I can breathe easy for another week! Margaret Cho and Louis are also safe. That leaves Rick Fox and Michael Bolton hanging out in jeopardy. Yeah, I think we can assume that Rick is safe this time.
Sure enough, Rick and Cheryl are safe almost immediately. Brandy and Maks are also safe. So that leaves The Situation and Bolton in the Danger Zone. Will anybody miss either of them? Unsurprisingly, Michael and Chelsie are eliminated. Poor Chelsie – I was finally starting to warm up to her. She’s never had a partner that I’ve liked, but she does a good job.
And that’s it – I assume by the end of the season, we’ll be all like “Was Bolton on this season? Huh.”
We’ll see you back here on Monday for next week’s performances! And hopefully more judging insanity!
