Dancing with the Stars: The Finals (Nov 25)
First, it’s a walk down memory lane. Brooke Burke and Derek look back at their season. They show Brooke’s early quickstep in its entirety, and she cites it as her favorite ballroom dance. Her favorite Latin dance? The paso doble, of course. While these are legitimately good dances, and it’s fun to see them again, I can’t help but feel like it’s maybe not the best idea in the world to start the final performance show with flashbacks and filler.
On the plus side, we get statistics, and I love me some statistics. Brooke has been in first place 80% of the time, the only perfect score, pulled in twelve 10’s, and has an average score for the season of 26.33. That’s pretty good there.
Next, Tom goes into talk to the two of them. He asks about how hard it is to recover from a stumble like they had last week, and the two of them are ridiculously positive. Tom mentions that Warren’s been trying to psych them out, but Derek downplays it, which is too bad. It sounds like there’s a story there.
There’s an audio flub on the set, with Tom’s voice coming out of the PA about one second after we hear it. Nobody acknowledges it, so it’s possible I’m just hearing everything twice. This brings us to Lance Bass and Lacey’s greatest hits.
Their favorite ballroom dance was the Tango, because it’s the first time when taking a risk paid off. Or maybe the first time that their risk involved interesting choreography instead of props. Lance’s favorite Latin dance was the Mambo, and they’re both surprised that it was good. I’m just happy to see a Mambo that doesn’t involve the ubiquitous ass bongos (totally the name of my first album, by the way–Myndi). Lacey says Lance deserves to win, since he’s the most improved. That’s swell and all, but they’re looking for “best”, right?
Lance’s stats show two first place finishes, three 10’s, the biggest lead ever, and an average of 24.25. All this pales next to the fact that he thought it was a good idea to dance barefoot, in my mind. She also thinks Lance has “come from nothing and gone on to something great”. What, did she find him in an orphanage in Bolivia or something? Also, he sort of was a dancer before the show. It’s not like he was the underdog going into this.
Tom asks if they’re worried about overconfidence and teases some upcoming footage. He says it’s clear that everybody is more competitive now, and Lance squashes that, too. Guys, you’re not talking to Samantha here. Tom’s setting you up to tell a funny story, and you’re blowing it off!
Commercials. Seriously, is this Australia thing a real movie? They don’t really give you much to go on, other than that it’s about a continent. Oooh, I hope Nicole Kidman will be all stilted and brittle. (Fingers crossed!)
Finally, it’s Warren Sapp and Kym. Their favorite ballroom dance was the Viennese Waltz, and this really was very cool. It’s where I realized that the Big Man was on to something, at least. Their favorite Latin dance was the paso doble, and thus two out of three couples agree that the paso is awesome.
Warren has had the most second place finishes of anybody, has three 10’s, a season average of 24.00, and is a crowd pleaser. That last one’s not really a statistic, I guess. When you look at the numbers, he and Lance are very close. Same number of 10’s, their averages are a quarter point off, and it would seem that Warren places at the top more consistently, if he’s holding down second place like that.
Tom asks Warren about his “Jedi mind tricks”, and Warren merely confirms that he is, indeed, a Jedi. Tom reminds Kym that it’s her second time in the Finals, after Joey Fatone a few seasons back. Remember how she started out partnered with Jerry Springer? Those were the days. Warren promises a “whole lot of something you’ve never seen”. (That could mean so many things, couldn’t it?–Myndi)
And now it’s time to crown the Dancing Kids. Tom says that last week they all danced for our votes. Is that true? Did they? I don’t remember that at all. I think I block out the Dance Bots. Anyway, the winners are brother-sister team Craig and Samantha, and they’re going to dance the jive for us. I’m not sure what the house singer is doing on this version of “Rockin’ Robin” with a creepy falsetto. Perhaps I’ve been spoiled for life by one Andrew Bernard’s rendition. Between the weird sound, the adorable dancing robots, and the fact that I’m not a huge jive fan, I don’t really know what’s going on here. Anyway, Tom presents them with their mirrorball trophy, and then assures us that they’re each getting their own trophy. Tom mentions their trip to Disneyland and gets a dig in at the product placement, and when the kids come back with flat reactions to their trip, he announces enthusiastically, “Just like we rehearsed it!” Ha! Thank you, Tom.
We get another clip package of the dancers talking trash and Len saying their names. You guys do know I have to recap Heroes tonight too, right? You’re sure there’s no way we couldn’t have trimmed this to an hour? I do like the way Warren gets legitimately spooky in these segments, though.
Now, half an hour into it, Samantha and the judges show up, and the announcer actually kicks off the show. Samantha’s dress doesn’t seem to have the give that she requires. You know, up top. I’m a little worried for her.
Len talks up the finals and tells us he’s so excited that he has to go to the bathroom. You know what would have been funny? If he’d then sat in silence for about ten seconds, and then said “Right, that’s over with.” I would have laughed at that.
Well, we’ve got something called a “Samba Smack Down”. What the heck is going on here? They keep changing the rules this season. They’re all going to dance a Samba? Apparently. They picked their order randomly, and it ends up being Brooke, Lance, and Warren. We see rehearsal footage and are reminded that this was a very bad dance for Warren before. They practice as a group, and Warren busts on everybody else, which is pretty funny. The other dancers think Lance and Lacey are “holding back” in rehearsal. Yeah, that’s totally something they’d do.
Brooke and Derek open the dance with what looks like a mistake – Brooke seems to be reaching for Derek, and he’s sort of doing his own thing. That might have been intentional though. As usually, Brooke’s poses are crazy good and their footwork is very precise.
Lance and Lacey tag in, and other than some cool holds, Lacey seems to be doing most of the work. Often, she’s dancing around Lance, who’s not doing much at all. I don’t care for that.
Warren and Kym come down the stairs and this is some of Warren’s fastest footwork that we’ve seen yet. He’s not as precise as the others, but he’s much more active than you’d expect him to be. Then everybody joins them on the floor for a group finish. All in all, it was a fun dance. The cast of Samantha Who? seem to agree. Man, I wish they’d get the cast of Life on Mars to sit in. Harvey Keitel, Michael Imperioli’s insane facial hair – it would really be something to see.
Time for the judges. Len starts with a shoutout to the band. He thinks everybody did better than when they did their original Sambas. He liked that Warren was much more active this time, he likes Lance’s energy but thinks his finesse is the problem, and says Brooke is the one to beat. Bruno starts with Brooke, and says, I kid you not, “Everybody would like to drive that model”. Damn, he’s been sitting on that one all season, I bet. Lance is “tight and clean”, and Warren is “irresistible”, and thinks the fun makes up for the lack of technique. Carrie Ann likes Lance’s improvement, but thinks Warren is the weakest but the most improved. She compliments Brooke’s technical nuances but thinks she might have gotten too ambitious. Did you get all that? There’s going to be a quiz later on.
Samantha talks to Brooke and Derek, and confuses them with by asking a question about their next dance. Aww, somebody’s cards are out of order. Carrie Ann and Len give them 9’s, Bruno goes for a 10, and that’s 28.
Lance and Lacey are up next with an 8 from Len, and 9’s from the others, bringing them to 26. Samantha asks if they can regain their lead, and Lance thinks they can. I would have been surprised by any other answer, frankly.
Warren and Kim get 9’s from Carrie Ann and Bruno and a 7 from Len. 25 for a close third place. Warren promises a move that we’ve never seen on the ballroom floor. Dude, we saw a unicycle on the ballroom floor. We’re pretty jaded by now.
Commercials. It’s weird that, for the DVD of Hancock, they’re actually showing the surprise twist right in the ads. Also, that was the part where the movie went off the rails completely, so it’s a strange choice.
And now it’s time for the Freestyle Round! This is almost always awesome, and occasionally, flat-out insane. Remember Marie Osmond as a wind-up doll dancing to “Start Me Up”? Oh, you remember. Try as you might to forget, you remember!
Brooke and Derek are up first, and they remind us of how she screwed up last week. The phrase “choked on my jive” sounds much dirtier than anybody intends it to. Rehearsal footage includes scenes of Brooke jumping off a piano, and Derek throwing his back out. Then we see them practicing in a swimming pool. As near as I can tell, this is just an excuse to show a wet Brooke Burke in a white bathing suit. And to that I say “Bravo!”
All right, they’re dressed for Grease and dancing to “You’re the One That I Want”. It’s off to a good start, with arm propellers, a couple of lifts, and Derek lifting Brooke over his head to stand her on the judge’s table. He joins her up there, and she tears off her dress to reveal sequined spandex, and less of it than you might think. She jumps off the table into his arms, and that looked pretty dangerous. He spins her around and then lifts her – she turns around and they sort of make a human bowling ball, somersaulting over one another. It finishes with a fantastic flip, and I am a happy viewer. That was really cool right there! I like that Brooke’s not afraid to look a little goofy, because that really added to the fun of that dance.
Carlton Banks is very excited by this dance, by the way. Bruno says she ended up in positions he’s only seen in the Kama Sutra. What’s creepier, saying that with Brooke’s kids in the front row, or imagining Bruno reading the Kama Sutra? (Um, can there be a tie?–Myndi) Carrie Ann is excited by how they “brought it”. Len calls it the best freestyle he’s ever seen. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but it was pretty fantastic.
Hold on to your monocles, it’s 10’s across the board! That’s a 30, and a total of 58 for tonight. So they’re already unbeatable in terms of score. Let’s see what everybody else brings to the table.
Commercials. Scrubs is coming back! And the promo has a fart joke. Yes, they know what I want to see.
In rehearsal, Lacey is very proud of Lance. He says it’ll take a catastrophe to slow them down, and I say it’s probably best not to tempt fate this season. They’re doing a hip-hop freestyle, proving they’re just trying to piss Len off at this point. They’re also not doing any lifts, which I think is a mistake. We love lifts, man! You’ve been doing them all season, why stop now?
They’re wearing shirts that say “Lancey”, and Lacey is wearing nerd glasses. I believe Sarah Silverman and the Loeb Trotters rocked that look last week, so it might be too soon. There is no chance that I will ever be able to identify this song, by the way. (C’mon! “It’s Tricky” by Run DMC! And 80’s classic!–Myndi) They start out at the judge’s table, playing with the “10” paddles. There’s a lot of talent involved, but to me, it just looks like really good club dancing. There’s a weird bit, where they’re sort of humping each other across the floor. It just seems too disorganized to me. Good energy, but it feels so sloppy. Still, it’s pretty funny when Lance pulls off his shoe at the end.
Carrie Ann liked the beginning and the end, but she didn’t like the cha cha moves in the middle. Len liked the song, and is generally pleased with it. Bruno liked their choices. So, they’re all happy, but not quite as rhapsodic as they were with Brooke. As they head backstage, Tom tells us that Jeffrey Ross will be roasting the finalists. Awesome! Keep your finger on the bleep button, ABC!
They get 9’s across the board, for a total of 27 and a final score of 53 for the night. And I am legitimately excited to see what Warren’s pulling out. (Whoa!–Myndi)
Warren and Kym are legitimately excited to be in the Finals. He’s happy about being able to toss Kym around, and she promises a “death-defying lift”. She seems a little nervous about it, leading me to believe it might not be entirely hyperbole.
OK, the song is “Proud Mary”, and the dance starts off fairly slowly. It’s surprisingly elegant, and then Warren lifts Kym over his head and spins her for long enough that you could make a sandwich before she hits the ground. The song slows to a crawl, which means they’re tearing off their outer layer of clothes, and then heading into overdrive. Kym does a cartwheel in the air, and Warren tosses her around. It’s high-energy, and then Warren tosses Kym up, catches her with his arms under her spread legs, and she somersaults down from that position. Holy crap, that really happened! It ends with another cool lift, and the crowd goes wild. Warren’s family is absolutely freaking out in the front row!
Len calls him a star, and things Warren is a fantastic entertainer. Bruno says he enjoyed the ride, and Carrie Ann calls it her favorite freestyle of the night, even though she saw a mistake. Backstage, Warren says winning the show would be the greatest accomplishment of his life, and I can never tell if he’s kidding.
Carrie Ann and Bruno give him 9’s (so it was somehow not as good as Brooke’s but still Carrie Ann’s favorite), and Len goes 10 “for entertainment”. That’s 28, and a tie overall with Lance and Lacey at 53.
Tom holds up a tiny piece that fell off of Kym’s outfit and says “You know, on Edyta, this is a whole costume”. Hee.
Boy, I don’t know. I think Brooke’s got enough of a lead going in, but if Warren’s as popular as they say, it’s not insurmountable. Tomorrow should be fun, that’s for sure.
As usual, the freestyles did not disappoint. See you back here tomorrow for the grand finale, as Myndi and I team up to bring you two hours of action. That’s right, a team-up. It’s like that time Arnold Drummond interviewed Ricky Stratton for the school paper!
