Dancing with the Stars: Week 7 – The Results!
Time for a filler segment about the physical toll dancing takes on the stars. Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who let’s remember, was a nominee for Surgeon General a month ago, confirms that it is very difficult. A nutritionist regales us with facts that are actually kind of cool. Li’l Kim could eat six pints of ice cream a day and not gain weight with all the calories she’s burning. Gilles Marini’s resting heart rate has dropped to 36 beats per minute, making it that much easier to fake his own death. Cedar-Sinai’s own Glen Pfeiffer talks about the potential for injuries. Injuries? Really? You’d think we’d have heard about those before, right? (Man, remember when Cristian de la Fuente’s arm nearly fell off? I was in a state of panic every week just watching him.) Afterward, Tom Bergeron makes the same Sanjay Gupta joke I did, because we’re BFF’s like that.
Natasha Bedingfield performs, and once again we get in to the fact that I never listen to the radio ever. I feel like this song probably gets played on Grey’s Anatomy commercials, but I really don’t have anything to connect it to. Lacey and Dimitri dance, and I like Lacey better when she’s just doing professional choreography and not trying to be some wacky hippie girl. Anyway, Natasha has a nice voice, and the dancing is pretty.
Next it’s a performance from dance troupe Burn the Floor, proving once again that all the good names are taken. They don’t even have a wikipedia page, so I can’t regale you with any amazing facts. It’s a pretty cool number, even if it seems a little West Side Story. (No, no. That was last week!–Myndi) There’s spins and lifts and people lifting their legs freakishly high. That’s all I could want from a dance troupe, really.
Backstage, it’s time for an awkward chat with Samantha Harris. Julianne and Chuck and Chelsie and Ty are waiting with her, and Chuck’s self-designed satin outfit look so much like pajamas that I’m distracted. He’s happy that they managed to tie Gilles. Does Gilles get tired of being talked about all the time? They always compare everybody’s performance to his. Samantha mentions that they’re doing Team Dances again, and Ty is incapable of answering even a simple question, so he grits his teeth and looks awkwardly at the camera.
Time to save some couples! Now that they’ve flushed all the turds, we’ll either be getting rid of the mediocre or else there’s going to be some upset that’ll get them referencing Sabrina Bryan. Chuck and Julianne are safe, and this is one week when he actually earned that. Also safe are Melissa and Tony. Finally, Shawn Johnson and Mark are safe. Can we all just agree that Lawrence Taylor and Ty will be the bottom two? Maybe knock this one out early so we can get some rest? No?
This is weird. We’re going to take part in picking a new pro to join the series next season. That’s right, aspiring dancers will try to curry our favor. Considering that we only see Anna once every three seasons or so, I’m in no hurry to add any new names to the marquee. Our first dancing couple is Brent Borbon and Afton Del Grosso. Yes, the sister of the much-missed Ashley! (Whee!! And she was pretty good, I thought.–Myndi) You’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill, lady! You know, I don’t really like these segments where pros talk about how awesome they are. That almost drove me away from the show in the very first episode, actually. It’s weird enough to commit to watching ballroom dancing, and when some guy tells you in all seriousness that he’s the epitome of grace, it gets even worse.
What’s great is that even though they’re dancing as a couple, they’re in competition with one another for the top spot. Their dance is the cha cha, and it’s really hard to write about pro dances because they don’t really do anything wrong and I don’t know any technical terms. It’s a really good dance, but I don’t find either of them particularly magnetic. Even my considerable affection for Ashley doesn’t necessarily put her sister over the top for me.
Len liked Afton’s flair, and Bruno calls Afton a “rising star”. Also, Brent is “different”. So, I think we can agree that they really want a Del Grosso back on the show. Carrie Ann does say that his personality will translate to TV, and then tells Afton that she’s “fantastic”. I do believe this round is going to Afton.
The next couple is Anna Demidova, who is already irritating me by making it even less likely that my Anna will be in the running for next season, and Mayo Alanen, who is referred to onscreen as a “Smooth Champion”. Yeah, baby! (Of course, with a name like “Mayo”, how could he not be?–Myndi) Anna thinks it’s time for the show to have a Russian presence. Lady, you are just trying to get on my bad side. We’ve already got a Russian Anna! Mayo looks like he would not be out of place in the NBC page program. They have a very nice, flow-y Waltz. But, you know, you’d expect the pros to nail a Waltz. There’s a run that’s really fast, and then a big sweeping twirl. I really like the dance, even as I seethe.
Carrie Ann likes Mayo’s elegance and Anna’s star quality. Len likes them and points out that they’re both tall. Bruno likes Mayo’s lines and thinks Anna is dazzling. These may not be the most useful judge’s critiques ever.
Finally, we have Snow Urbin, who has a hilarious name, and Genya Mazo, younger brother of Alec. It’s another dancing dynasty! Genya looks like the kid who sometimes plays Cheryl’s nephew on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Also, I sort of want to see the Houghs, Mazos, and Del Grossos in a three-family Dance Off. (Sounds like a heartwarming holiday special, no?–Myndi)
They’re dancing a Rumba, and Genya is projecting much better for the cameras. That dude can find the camera every time. Once again, it’s a really nice dance, though Len looks troubled. Bruno thinks Genya really enhanced his partner, and that Snow is hot. Carrie Ann agrees with Bruno. Len seems happier now, so he might have just been gassy right after the dance. He’s vaguely supportive, and also points out that Snow smacked Genya in the mouth during the dance. Hee.
The lowest-scoring man and woman will each be eliminated next week, I’m going with Snow and Brent. I think they’ve danced their last.
Next up is something called “Celtic Woman”. They’re an Irish vocal quintet, and their voices are really lovely. There’s a part of me that really responds to this kind of material. Yes, I’m a big dumb sap. There are also dancers, who end the dance with the woman standing on the man’s chest. But, you know, he’s standing up, too. It’s really quite impressive and circus-like. (It looked like an ice dancing routine, what with all the tossing her around. Although, if she tried that ending pose with skates on, he’d be, you know, dead.–Myndi)
Wow, other than the one filler bit, it turned out that there actually was a lot of content this week. Good job, show!
Time for eliminations! I am having difficulty focusing on things that are not Edyta’s boobs at this moment. Li’l Kim and Derek are safe. Gilles and Cheryl are also safe, which means not only was I right about the bottom two, but we get a hilarious shot of Cheryl being happy. She thinks she’s going to be eliminated every week, no matter who’s standing up there. That season with Wayne Newton scarred her.
And time for the bad news: Lawrence and Edyta are eliminated. Awwww. I like them, but he really didn’t have a shot of winning, and Lawrence is actually pretty happy about it. (LT: “She taught me everything I know about dancing. I don’t know when the hell I’m gonna use it…”) Lawrence is excited about getting back to the golf course, so this is a nice, tear-free elimination.
See you next week! More Dancing! Fewer Stars!
