Dancing with the Stars: Week 8 Results (Nov 12)
Tom recaps last night for us, but considering that I watched the show and read Myndi’s recap, and they also ran an hour-long performance recap right before this episode, there’s not much left for me to do with it. Oh, wait. The three judges are sitting at a little table in what appears to be a high-class brothel and discussing the contestants. The most interesting part is that Len continues to gripe that Brooke Burke doesn’t dance as well as the professionals. Because it’s totally reasonably to compare her to somebody who’s spend their lives mastering the art. We are in the eighth week, after all. Also funny is that Lance Bass is winning Len over “not because of his technique – that’s still terrible”. Hee. By the end of this segment, Len is firmly irritated with the two other mental cases, and Tom says that “only serious contenders remain”. Tom used my wording!
The encore dance is Warren Sapp and Kym doing the tango. I really did like this dance. Maybe not as great as when a certain Mr. Charles Carmichael was forced into the tango, but a close second. (“Pardon me, I appear to have learned the woman’s part of this dance.”) I always like when they still put effort into the encore even though it doesn’t affect their score.
Samathan Harris is backstage with Brooke, Cody Linley, and their respective partners. (Including both Julianne and Edyta.) Samantha tries to rile Brooke up about Len, but Brooke doesn’t rile easily. She then turns an innocent statement by Cody into a double entendre, prompting more confusion than anything. Julianne tells Edyta how much she appreciated her stepping in. Oooh! Maybe they’ll kiss! Julianne does not look sick now, but it probably wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for her to take another week or two. Don’t be a hero, Julianne. You’re allowed to take some time off after surgery. She does not want to be eliminated tonight, though her doctors may disagree. Samantha finishes by asking us to vote for DWTS in the People’s Choice Awards. So basically, I’ll be voting the split Dark Knight / Dancing ticket. There’s something weird about the pattern on Samantha’s dress, but I can’t put my finger on it. Myndi’s so much better with wardrobe jokes than I am…
Tom introduces special guest Brad Paisley and plugs tomorrow’s Country Music Awards. I’m not familiar with Brad, but I feel like “Paisley” may not be the best name for a country singer. That’s why they have stage names, Brad! Lacey and her brother Benjie dance in modified country bar outfits, and I have to say, Benjie makes Lance look like John Wayne by comparison. Holy crap, this song is called “Ticks” and part of the chorus is “I’d like to check you for ticks”! What the hell, America? That’s not really a hit song – you guys are screwing with me, right? The song ends with Benjie checking Lacey for ticks, and I’m pretty much done for the night.
For the first time this season, we get the montage of people in the audience being excited about their favorite dancers. In addition to regular people (including two Asian women who mock Cody’s “white boy dancing”), Leeza Gibbons, Mark Cuban, and somebody who I choose to believe is Jared, all weigh in.
Time to save two couples! First to be spared are Warren and Kym. Yay! Next are Lance and Lacey, which surprised me. And you know Brooke is not in the bottom two, so it looks like Cody and Maurice Greene are sweating it out. This is not good for their partners, since Cheryl and Edyta are the champion worriers. Edyta is really not happy about the idea of being voted out twice this season.
And now we get to Dr. Drew’s segment. He’s evaluating the couples and their relationships. The great thing about Dr. Drew is that he takes this all really seriously. We actually see him in his office reading through a file. Dude doesn’t phone it in, you have to give him that. First up are Lance and Lacey, and he wants them to hash out their problems. They claim to have had their first fight this week, so I’m guessing this was shot just before last week’s performance show. Lacey is upset that Lance doesn’t believe in himself, but Lance thinks that he does. Dr. Drew concludes that they need to let each other have their feelings.
Warren and Kym are next, and Warren says he’s feeling no stress. He talks about how his mother raised him making $9,000 a year, and in his last job “Three hundred pound men used to spend time devising ways to kick the (crap) out of me”. You know, the man’s got a point. Probably dancing is a little less stressful than that. Dr. Drew is worried that Warren’s not stressed, and their schedule may be a burden. Warren seems OK with it though.
Now for Maurice and Cheryl. Maurice confesses that Cheryl is hard on him, which surprises nobody. Cheryl is frustrated by Maurice’s lack of communication. He knows that he overthinks things. Actually, this is a session I would have liked to see more of. I love Cheryl, but I think her head is probably a really weird place to be.
After those three, we cut back to Tom and Samantha. It’s time for the “Design a Dance” Dance. Eh. I was done when America picked “Great Balls of Fire” over “Rock Lobster”. And then they picked the Jive over the Paso Doble. Unsurprisingly, the pros dancing this Jive are the Hough siblings. (Wouldn’t it have been fantastic if the viewers had selected one-season wonders like Charlotte and Nick?) I don’t really have much to say because the song itself is so played out, the Jive in general is spazzy and confusing, and these two are so technically proficient that you can’t even really comment on them. They don’t make mistakes, those Hough kids. They drag the winning costume designer and a guy who might be her husband on stage for a bit, then Derek does a sliding split across the stage and under the piano. Damn. Where does that kid put his genitals when he’s performing? Julianne then carries him around on her shoulders, and yeah, maybe she is ready to dance again.
Commercials. Hey, Wall*E is out on DVD next week. Want to bet that I cry when I watch it this time, too?
For some reason, the audience is freaking out when we come back from commercial. To the extent that Tom and Samantha comment on it. They’re unsettled by this overexuberance, and I can’t say I blame them. All right, time for Dr. Drew to diagnose our last two couples.
Brooke and Derek hit the couch, and she reveals that she made a lot of mistakes and they had a fight. I think we’ve seen this footage before. Cody says he forgets she’s not a professional. Him and Len, I guess. Cody apologizes for being insulting to her, which is what really upsets Brooke. Dr. Drew concludes that he needs to not demean her, which seems reasonable.
Finally, it’s Cody and Julianne. Cody talks about his roller coaster of emotions, and Julianne has a hard time coping when he’s distracted. He was worried when she went into surgery, and he breaks down a little. He’s one step away from what Oprah calls “the ugly cry”. (Shut up! I can know things about Oprah.) Julianne cries too, and Dr. Drew hands them a box of tissues. They hug, and Dr. Drew doesn’t even present a finding. Apparently, they hugged it out.
Tom says that Barbara Walters is so jealous, then kicks it to Samantha and the two safe couples. Not much happens here. Warren says he’s going to listen to Kym, Lance is going to try and make the judges happy. Yeah, that’s about it.
It’s another Brad Paisley number, with three pairs of pros. Maks and Karina, Edyta and Alec, and Kim and some guy I don’t know who has either an insane name or Samantha read a string of typos off the Prompter. Hey, Brad Paisley looks a little like a young Kevin Pollack, which is just weird. Not much to say about the dancing here – it’s fairly straightforward pairs dancing, with way too many shots of Brad Paisley interrupting the flow.
Tom sits down with the pros and plugs the live tour. Which, by the way, is awesome. I went twice last year, and then I got dumped so I couldn’t tell people that my girlfriend was making me go anymore. Basically, I just want to meet a nice girl so I can tell all my friends that I “have to” go see Dancing with the Stars Live. Anyway, Maks is the choreographer this year (last year it was Alec), and Tom asks “What the hell did you do to your hair?” Maks answers “Cut it”, which is either not funny or really funny, and I can’t tell. The celebrities on tour this year include Maurice, Lance, Toni Braxton, and Marlee Matlin! Holy crap! Yeah, time to hit match.com….
To pad out the running time, a kinesiologist talks about “The Anatomy of a Dancer”. They studied Alec and Edyta, and oh, this is really boring. Is it OK if I skip over this bit? Yeah, I’m just going to skip it.
All right, we’re going to reveal one more safe couple “in no particular order”. Do you think Samantha just drops that phrase into random conversations in her daily life? “So last night, I was watching House in no particular order…” Anyway, Cheryl is crapping a brick, Brooke knows she’s safe, and Cody has a “deer in the headlights” look. Maurice and Cheryl are in jeopardy. Brooke and Derek, try to contain your surprise, are safe.
After a commercial, we jump right into the elimination. Sadly, Maurice and Cheryl are eliminated. Awwww. I like them. Maurice is still upbeat and happy about the experience, because that’s just how he is. Cheryl says he was her hardest-working partner. Wait, more than Wayne Newton? She calls him the “winner, winner, chicken dinner” of her heart. Hee. Cheryl’s actually kind of a dork when you get right down to it.
Maurice heads into the audience to bring his daughter out for a dance, which is really sweet and cool. Maurice Greene: I didn’t know who you were before this season, and now I’m going to miss you. Best of luck to you!
Next week: The Semi-Finals!
