Her daughter, Sami the Squatter, watches from the empty house, where the frisky Miller couple has just arrived. Bruce wants to get it on in the worst way, despite Susan’s protests. They hoot and holler their way up the stairs, Bruce shedding clothes along the way. Susan wants a little foreplay, and manages to insult Bruce and his skinny, skinny arms, ruining the mood. Before they can get back on track, the bell rings, and the Deckers, wearing matching running outfits and bearing a bottle of Dom, show up to introduce themselves. Susan apologizes for not having glasses. Trina says that if they’d like to share (wink, wink) they should bring the bottle over to their party tomorrow. Trina suggests the Millers get a sitter, as the party will go late. Susan tries to beg off, but Bruce is a little bit interested (and, let’s face it, he likes the look of Trina’s Dorothy Hammill haircut, if you catch my drift). They agree to try and make it, then watch the Deckers jog off in their short shorts, both intrigued.
After the break, we catch Trina swimming a lap in her pool. Tom and his chest hair ask her if she needs anything while he’s out getting the booze for the party. She wants cigarettes. She also asks if he thinks the Millers will show. He’s not sure they’ll be interested in hittin’ the Cougar Den, but Trina thinks if it were easy, it would be boring. Man, she’s a sociopath!
Back to block party central. Janet gives Rick crap about sparklers. She’s such a buzzkill! In their now-empty old house, Susan answers the phone to find Logan, Lori’s boyfriend, on the other end. Remember when you had to stand in one place and have a phone conversation? That sucked, and we didn’t even know it sucked! Cordless phones rule. Anyway, Lori hurries off the phone. She and Susan have a chat about how Logan is a dumbass, but she’s sleeping with him anyway, but with many more words. Then she calls her mom stupid for getting knocked-up when she was her age, but manages to do it such a way that Susan’s totally fine with it. She also covers for her mom (I like this kid already) as Susan runs back upstairs to have a moment alone with her old house.
Out in the car, Bruce almost backs over someone, then gets out to say goodbye to Roger, Janet’s hubby, resplendent in his “kiss the cook” apron. Roger looks wistful as Bruce climbs back in his Cadillac convertible. Janet pounces on Susan with a scrapbook full of recipes and pressed flowers. Yay? Susan seems to like it. Bruce is annoyed. They head down the street as Rick and BJ exchange looks.
In his new room, aka Sami the Squatter’s hideout, BJ finds Samantha’s ring after she narrowly escapes being spotted. Susan calls Janet, who won a 4th consecutive blue ribbon for her apple pie, and catches her singing along to Captain and Tenille. Well, now that’s ruined. She complains about having a giant house. Yeah, way to read the room, Suse. Bruce enters with the Dom and some cups, and talks her into to hitting the party at the Deckers. BJ, Susan’s only out, appears on cue to ask if he may go the movies with Rick. Bruce gives him money. I’m guessing he would’ve given him beer or some pot if BJ had asked at that moment.
We see Lori run into her teacher at the park, and they chat. It’s just a matter of time, people.
While Bruce admires Susan in her party dress, sometimes with his tongue, Janet and Roger show up with leftovers from the cookout. Roger even has a six pack. Janet is hurt that they actually have plans, but Susan is quick to invite them to the party. “The invitation seemed open enough.” That it did. Cut to the frigid foursome ringing the doorbell, which I believe Tom’s mustache answers by itself. Inside, drunk swingers hustle badly into a break.
