The Deckers are post-coital, as usual. Has Tom’s mustache grown? And are those some mutton chops? These are not normally my thing, but on Grant Show…Mama likey. Ew. I think I just grossed myself out. Their white princess phone rings and Tom answers. Seems he’s being summoned by corporate, and Trina smells a promotion to the new Tokyo route, which Tom swears he doesn’t want if it’s offered. Trina seems relieved. As she gets out of bed, she spies Susan’s earring on the floor, which gives her an excuse to go say hi.
Bruce steals BJ’s Pop Tart and he and Susan act a little odd, causing Lori to ask “Are you guys acting weird?” You have no idea, kiddo. Susan laughs it off, but Lori points out that Bruce forgot his briefcase. Meanwhile, he has run into Trina at the end of his walkway. They make small talk in which Bruce expresses surprise that Trina is up so early in the morning. She is unruffled. When Susan emerges with his briefcase, Bruce acts guilty of something, which is funny. Trina mentions the earring (note that she did not bring it with her) and Susan is embarrassed. This is all so awkward in the light of day! Bruce sees an opening (no pun intended) and decides to walk to the train station. Trina asks Susan what her day looks like. Susan says it’s just your basic day of errands. Trina says she’s free if Susan wants company, and jogs off down the block. Susan looks after with another of her intrigued/nervous expressions. She’s got a lot of those.
Do you know the credits for this show feature a close up of a man’s chest hair, roller skates and gold hot pants? Best. Credits. Ever.
Captain Decker and his fabulous silk shirt stroll into a lovely wood paneled office. There is a lot of sexist banter, and I’m frankly surprised the secretary’s ass wasn’t pinched on her way out the door. Tom’s boss asks after little Tammi the stewardess, and Tom says the accident with the coffee was nothing. Ah, but it appears Tammi couldn’t keep a lid on her time in the Cougar Den, and now Tom has to be pulled off the Miami route, for fear those damn “women’s libbers” will come after him. He’s afraid he’s fired, but the suits all laugh hysterically. Fired? Of course not! We’re promoting you to Tokyo!
Back at the market, Susan and Janet practically crash their carts into each other. Susan is apologetic, but Janet is still aloof. Of course, Trina shows up right on cue, holding up two very round melons that are on sale, two for one. Janet sees red and, even after Trina is asked to give them a minute and heads up to the checkout, goes ahead and lies that she can’t have bridge night as they have other plans and takes off. Susan is hurt some more.
In the most boring subplot so far, BJ overhears Samantha’s mom and her husband argue, followed by the husband taking off. He then notices that Samantha left a note with a long list of camping supplies and directions to her hiding place.
In summer school, Lori’s teacher, Mr. Stevens, is offering the students the chance to review an all-female version of Waiting for Godot, being put on by his “good friend”. Seeing the chance to turn her B into an A while simultaneously flirting with the teacher? Lori’s there.
Susan and Trina put away groceries, while Susan explains that Janet is normally not so tightly wound and is actually very funny. I think Sue and I have different definitions of that word. She also says that she and Bruce have never done anything even remotely like the swinging of the other night before. Trina offers a normal, quaalude free dinner that evening as a gesture. Susan accepts. Just then, Lori wanders in, and meets Trina, who seems impressed by her a little. Lori seems suspicious.
Now, we’re out on the Deckers’ kick ass patio with awesome molded plastic furniture. I think that stuff is actually kind of back in now. Trina is in the pool and Tom comes out to join her, offering the bribe of a trip to the Bahamas right up front. Trina knows instantly that he was offered Tokyo, and can’t resist saying she told him so when she finds out stupid Tammi had everything to do with it.
Apparently, BJ spent six months allowance on camping equipment for this girl he barely knows, and Rick is helping him take it out to her. Rick says, “I sure hope you’re bangin’ her” and I really shouldn’t be cool with that, but Word, Rick.
We now see Bruce at work on the trading floor. Man, those wide ties were quite impressive, weren’t they? There’s some back and forth about Standard Oil stock, and Bruce pulls out a name that impresses his boss and…I guess he’s gonna have a good day. This is not my forte.
Susan is making a green bean casserole, using an electric can opener like we used to have. Lori happens by again, and asks if she’s going out. Susan explains the evening’s plans. Lori questions Susan’s sort of flowy, hippie dress. She says Mrs. Decker is kind of stylish, so she doesn’t want Susan to feel “frumpy” around her. Susan reconsiders her outfit.
Bruce and his co-workers drink and leer at Playboy Bunnies while celebrating Bruce’s aforementioned big day. He asks for a dime to use the phone to call Susan about being late. He reaches Lori instead, as Susan has already left for the train station. And she’s run into Roger, who is stunned by her visage as he comes out into the sunshine and sees her all prettied up in the Caddy convertible. He compliments her hair and dress, but says it might be dressy for Bridge. She explains about Janet canceling, and Roger acts clueless, which he is. She apologizes about the party, but Roger just says he had fun, which relieves Susan. She offers him a ride home, but Roger says he’ll walk, which is gonna be tricky with the boner. But I could be wrong.
Rick is playing some 70s game that I’m sure I should recognize but don’t, when Roger arrives and asks after his wife. Rick says she’s in the other room with the new neighbors and that dinner is going to be something weird. When Roger walks in, Janet introduces the couple, who can barely be bothered to stop stuffing their faces to say hello. Classy. Roger is nonplussed.
Susan is at the Decker’s front door, holding a bottle of wine, which is her way of apologizing for begging off dinner, since Bruce is at The Playboy Club. But, whaddya know, Tom’s a member, too! Why don’t they just take the party to Bruce?! Susan’s face screams that she wasn’t going to do this again, but her feet can’t in the house fast enough.
Lori is heading off to the play, when Logan just happens to show up in front of her house. He acts sweet enough, even proffering an Aerosmith LP as an olive branch. Lori softens a little, and says she’ll accept his ride downtown if he can name one play. He ponders for a sec and comes up with Hair. Lori begrudgingly accepts.
Bruce is thrilled and, let’s face it, pretty drunk, when Susan appears at the Playboy Club. He greets her with a big hug and kiss. The Deckers come over, and happen to know another couple standing nearby, Sylvia and Brad Davis. Brad is played by Mark Valley, who used to be on my soap years ago and has since been on many primetime shows (he starred in Keen Eddie), and is always unbelievably hot. Everyone heads to a cozy booth.
Back at Roger & Janet’s, neighbor guy Paul is bitching about ‘Nam and President Carter, while continuing to stuff his face. Janet offers more corn, which Paul says gives his wife gas. Wow. What a tool. Roger jumps up to get the pie, overruling Janet. Rick, who’s already been excused and is hiding out in the kitchen, says Paul’s a douche. Roger cannot disagree. He has an idea and offers Rick $5 to help.
Lori & Logan arrive at the theater, and meet Mr. Stevens on the way in. Everyone looks around. BJ is home alone, evidently, dutifully taking out the garbage, when he spies Gayle on the phone with Stu, her hubby, who is coming home now. She spots him and he lamely apologizes.
Dinner Party from hell. The neighbors and Janet sit in awkward silence until they hear glass shatter in the kitchen and Rick scream. Janet sprints in to find Rick and Roger over the sink, and what appears to be a deep, bloody gash in Rick’s hand, a dish shattered on the floor. Paul peeks in and says they should go (“Thanks for the eats, Jan!” “It’s Janet!”) while Janet grabs her first aid kit. When the coast is clear, Roger reveals the blood is actually ketchup and instead of laughing and thanking him for getting rid of Lord and Lady Douchebag, Janet is PISSED.
Susan is musing over how humiliating the Bunny costumes are. In a stunning coincidence, Sylvia is a former bunny who used the money to put herself through law school and organized the girls into a union to boot. We also find out that her husband is a psychologist who’s written three books on human sexuality. Susan sheepishly says she’s “just a homemaker”, which Brad says is the most important job in society. Damn right, Brad. Next to internet recapper. Sylvia morphs into Gloria Steinem and says, “Today’s woman can do anything she puts her mind to.” I smell Susan going to college if we make it to season 2.
Samantha listens to “She’s Gone” by Hall & Oates on her transistor radio as BJ appears with that casserole, which was apparently tuna noodle and not green bean as I thought. Even after everything this kid’s done for her, she’s so damaged that she’s still rude to him.
At the play, stupid Logan freaking heckles the actors. He finally just leaves after being shushed by Lori and Mr. Stevens. More smiling as the two of them are left alone, basically, in the dark theater.
BJ is now learning that Sam’s dad went to Vietnam and never came home. She softens slightly when BJ hands her a walkie talkie and says he’ll keep the other one on in case she needs him. She’s sure the cops are looking for her, that mom must be looking everywhere. Without thinking, BJ blurts that he’s pretty sure only he and Rick know where she is, and mom hasn’t even noticed she’s gone. Her face falls and she sends him home.
There is much Hustling at the Playboy Club. Do you think people just starting doing the Hustle in the grocery store in 1976 if they heard a disco song? I was only three, so I don’t remember. The music changes to “Dancing in the Moonlight” and people couple up. Bruce and Susan are very lovey dovey as he says she just keeps surprising him and then they make out. Well, this can’t last.
Back from break, Tom dances close with some groovy chick who is not Trina, Susan or Sylvia, and Trina looks on from the booth, totally cool with it. Susan is amazed. She tells Trina about her pact with Bruce, that the party was a one time event. Trina rolls with it, saying they have to do what feels right, and it’s most important that they’re on the same page. Susan is all smiles, and says she’s so glad she and Trina met. This is a good scene. You can see that Trina is well-adjusted, but is also struggling with Tom’s impending promotion and what that might do to their arrangement, since she won’t be around when he’s swingin’ in the Far East.
Sylvia, who is about to leave with Brad, is chatting up Bruce, but we don’t hear their words. We do see her kiss Bruce’s cheek in slow motion. Susan is jealous.
Mr. Stevens and Lori discuss the play, which she loved. I’m just lost at this point. The director, a black woman with a fabulous 70s fro, appears, and Lori gushes a bit. Logan, who spent the rest of the play hanging at the local pub, which doesn’t card, reappears to be a a-hole some more. Lori drags him outside and he tools it up some more, being a prick about her interests. Then, he tells her to figure out how she’s getting home. Luckily, Teach is there to offer a ride. Turns out that the Fro is coming, too, and she gives him a big kiss on the cheek as he heads to the parking lot. But it’s casual enough that it could mean just about anything.
Janet is still fuming in the Avocado Kitchen of Repression. Roger, ever the sweetheart, compliments dinner, at which Janet brightens a bit. He says how much he appreciates all she does to make things perfect all the time. She’s still a wreck, though, and feels like everything (meaning her relationship with Susan) is falling apart. Cut to Janet and Roger placing a pie, wrapped with a big red bow and a note, on Susan’s front porch.
Just then, a Porsche pulls up and the freaky foursome pile out. Janet immediately tenses, and we seem to back to square one. Tom and Trina take off as fast as they can (they’re really pretty cool people so far) and Susan offers to make some decaf. Janet declines and Roger and Bruce exchange defeated looks, like, “Women!”
BJ is lying awake in bed, and hears Samantha on the walkie talkie. He looks up to see she’s returned home, but Mom and Stu are so busy gettin’ busy downstairs that they didn’t notice that either. Poor kid. Still, this plot is pretty boring at this point.
Janet goes back to scrubbing dishes, when she should clearly just invest in a vibrator, because girl’s got some issues. Bruce is eating pie and smiles as he looks at his briefcase. As Tom and Trina get ready for bed, she spies Susan’s earring still on her dresser and smiles. Susan, looking rather fetching in a green nightie, looks down at the companion earring in her jewelery box. She smiles, also, but her expression becomes troubled as she looks down on the floor, and sees Sylvia’s business card–with “Let’s get together!” scrawled on it, lying next to Bruce’s pants. Ruh-roh.
