theory is that the head of the Tribunal is actually Odin, and he’s covertly helping them to bring about the Metalocalypse, which would forestall Ragnarok. (I’ve thought about this a lot.) That aside, the actual members of the band are only vaguely aware of how to accomplish basic tasks like buying groceries and have very little interest in anything other than how great they are.
A Beautiful Gory Display: Die for Dethklok!
I’m much less familiar with the other half of this crossover, cartoonist Eric Powell’s The Goon. I’ve liked everything I’ve seen of it, but I’m not any kind of expert. Basically, The Goon is sort of a working class Hellboy, a guy dressed like an old-timey dockworker who battles supernatural horrors. Powell handles the writing and art for Dethklok vs. The Goon, with Metalocalypse creator Brendon Small pitching in for Dethklok’s dialogue. Impressively, Powell renders Dethklok in a cartoon-accurate style with flat color that nicely approximates their TV look, while The Goon and friends are drawn in his usual, more detailed style, complete with painted color. It looks great, and should please fans of both series.
Powell must be a huge Metalocalypse fan, because he works in all sorts of supporting characters and references (Fatty Ding-Dong, Dethphones, even Planet Piss). It would actually make for the plot of a really good episode, with bassist William Murderface as the culmination of a centuries-old prophecy and the US Army brainwashing Dr. Rockzo (The Rock and Roll Clown) into an assassin. When sorcery transports the band to the Goon’s town, mayhem ensues. A lot of mayhem. Key members of both casts are killed and/or mutilated, which is probably why the first page assures readers that the story is not in continuity. There’s something here to make fans of both series very happy, whether it’s Skwissgar hooking up with a G-MILF, or the Goon slaughtering an army of Dethklok’s hooded bodyguards. It’s very dark and very funny, and it works perfectly as a Goon story and as a Metalocalypse story.
You Shall Die By Your Own Evil Creation! (Fantagraphics) – The Golden Age wasn’t all Will Eisner and the creation of Superman. While the 30’s and 40’s brought us cartoonists like Joe Kubert, Jack Cole, and Will Eisner, there were countless others, guys just trying to make ends meet during the Depression and cranking out as many pages as they could. One of those forgotten cartoonists was Fletcher Hanks.Now, Fletcher Hanks wasn’t a lost genius or a visionary. He was a freakin’ lunatic who somehow managed to get a job. Back in 2006, some of his bizarre work was reprinted in I Shall Destroy All the Civilized Planets, and promptly freaked everybody out. Now, the remainder of his output has been collected in this second volume, and once again we can marvel at this nutty bastard.
His work was unpolished, even for the time. These stories are full of grotesque exaggerated anatomy and awkward, charmless posing. And his writing is just plain loopy. There’s Stardust the Super-Wizard, who seemingly only springs into action after innocent people have been violently murdered. In every story, he beats the villains with one of an assortment of poorly-defined and ridiculously specific rays, and then spends several pages dishing out incredibly complex revenge. Heck, in this volume, the villains finally wise up and shoot Stardust with an “Anti-Ray Beam”, which is so witless as to be hilarious.
The real star of this volume is Big Red McLane, King of the Northwoods. Apparently a regular 
feature in the aptly named Fight Comics, Big Red is a lumberjack who basically spends every single story punching rival lumberjacks and saboteurs. Apparently, the timber industry was a lawless frontier. What I really like is that there are more than a dozen Big Red stories in this book, and none of them indicate even the slightest knowledge of what lumberjacks actually do. Also, since Big Red is the only non-science fiction character, Hanks can’t fall back on poorly-defined technology to end his stories. (Hey, you know what Space Smith’s “transmittal belt” does? Everything, that’s what!) Instead, Big Red’s stories rely on complete logical lapses and abrupt changes in motivation. It’s insane and fantastic.
feature in the aptly named Fight Comics, Big Red is a lumberjack who basically spends every single story punching rival lumberjacks and saboteurs. Apparently, the timber industry was a lawless frontier. What I really like is that there are more than a dozen Big Red stories in this book, and none of them indicate even the slightest knowledge of what lumberjacks actually do. Also, since Big Red is the only non-science fiction character, Hanks can’t fall back on poorly-defined technology to end his stories. (Hey, you know what Space Smith’s “transmittal belt” does? Everything, that’s what!) Instead, Big Red’s stories rely on complete logical lapses and abrupt changes in motivation. It’s insane and fantastic.The most fun stories are the ones where there would seem to be a lack of communication between the writer and the artist. Because, you know, both of those people were Fletcher Hanks. I’m a particular fan of the story where Stardust announces that he’s turning invisible, and after being invisible for several panels, turns visible again. There’s no story reason for him to turn invisible, except that Fletcher Hanks didn’t have to draw as much on that page. Every page is weird and awkward, and makes you feel like you’re staring inside the brain of that kid in school who smelled bad and spent history classes drawing pictures of jet planes dropping bombs on stick people.
Now, the biographical information in both books indicates that Fletcher Hanks was a mean son-of-a-bitch who once kicked his four-year-old son down a flight of stairs. If these stories were at all good, this is the kind of thing that would make them hard to like. But this is just crazy-ass stuff. It’s weird and hilarious, and it will boggle your mind.
Blackest Night (DC) – It’s summer, so that means it’s time for a big DC crossover event. This one is centered around Green Lantern. And zombies. Or something. Writer Geoff Johns rebooted a lame 60’s villain, The Black Hand, and turned him into a creepy psycho obsessed with death. And now, owing to some cosmic shenanigans, he’s giving out his own version of the Green Lantern ring to the dead and creating his brigade of Black Lanterns. The first issue of the main series is a weird mix, with some really nice character moments early on and disturbing violence at the end. I like the idea that the DC Universe has an annual holiday to commemorate fallen superheroes, and there are some really well-done scenes of characters mourning their deceased friends and teammates. (Turns out, four years later, I’m still really sad about Blue Beetle.) Considering DC’s ludicrous body count over the last couple of years, it’s nice to slow things down and let people feel. There’s a really effective scene where Green Lantern uses his ring to create a projection of all the heroes who’ve died in the last ten years or so, and there’s some real emotion there.
Of course, then Black Hand digs up Batman’s grave and starts mass resurrections. It’s creepy to see the corpses of favorite characters attacking their friends, frankly. I really like the Martian Manhunter, and I’m not sure I want to see his reanimated corpse wail on the Flash. And they already claim a couple more lives by the end of the first issue (No, not Hawkman!), which is disturbing.
Potentially, this could turn into an interesting story with emotional content. There are moments of real genius here. And just maybe it could be a meditation on death in the confines of a fictional universe. There are indications that the story’s going in this direction, and that would thrill me. Hopefully, this will write some of the wrongs and bring back some of the interesting characters who were slaughtered just to make a story seem more important. Unfortunately, there’s also a possibility that we’re just going to see the animated corpses of beloved characters wreck some stuff. I legitimately don’t what to see Superman pound on zombie versions of Blue Beetle or the Question. This could be really good, or it could be horrifying.
By the way, Black Hand carries around Batman’s skull now, and in a moment that I could go my entire life without seeing, he actually licked it. You see why I’m trepidatious. I mean, I’m still going to buy the series – it’s just a question of whether or not I end up hating myself for it.
All right, I feel like that’s enough Metal for you good folks. See you next week!
