The upfronts are over, and the networks have left a trail of the dead in their wake. So many cancellations, so many shows that will soon be forgotten. Sure, some of them were good series that didn’t get a chance, but so many were festering piles that deserve to sink into obscurity. Before they slink off into the sunset, it’s time to celebrate the good and point and laugh at the bad. We can’t let Phenomenon disappear without taking a few moments to recall exactly how much Criss Angell sucks, after all.
ABC
Big Shots – One of a flotilla of shows that were supposed to be about how men really talk to each other. Nothing resembled reality at all, but two of the four main characters were pretty likeable. I mildly enjoyed the first episode, but not enough to ever tune in again.
Carpoolers – Awww. I liked this show. Former Kid in the Hall Bruce McCulloch created this series which was at its best when it got away from the “men talk about relationships” angle and concentrated on the pleasantly surreal world in which the show was set. Farewell, guys. I won’t forget Laird’s phonebook collection anytime soon.
Cashmere Mafia – This was the show that broke me. I watched and reviewed every pilot this season, until this show led in a batch of five or six turds that I couldn’t even get angry enough to trash. It was a bad show, but not in any way that was interesting.
Cavemen – Yeah, who knew? At least I wasn’t publicly on record expressing enthusiasm for this gimmick sitcom based on an insurance commercial. I’d rather not say which spunkybean writer was really excited about this series, but it was Don.
Dance War – This Dancing with the Stars spinoff failed miserably. Despite what you see in the movies, dance battles are actually really lame.
Here Come the Newlyweds – Wait, was this a real show?
Just for Laughs – OK, you’re just making these up now.
Men in Trees – I know this series has had a rough time of it, but I thought it was doing well enough to get another season. I’ve never seen it, because I’m a dude, but my people reported good things.
Miss Guided – Crap. I really liked this show. Judy Greer, Chris Parnell, what’s not to love? Really funny with a big warm heart, but ABC has no idea what to do with comedy. Unfortunately, it didn’t even run long enough to be a cult hit, so nobody will ever get my references to it.
Notes from the Underbelly – Well, two seasons is a long time for a pregnancy-themed show to run. Hopefully Rachel Harris will end up in something funnier down the line.
October Road – I just know that they advertised this show during shows that I like. Sorry. That’s all I’ve got.
Oprah’s Big Give – Am I a bad person for being a little bit happy to see Oprah fail? Probably. That doesn’t change how I feel.
Women’s Murder Club – This procedural was actually pretty well-executed. I was not in any way the target audience, but I think it was better than it got credit for being. Plus, that’s a great title.
Cancellations: 13
