Pop-Culture Kangaroo Court
Second, it formed a template for so many animated films to follow. Pop-culture references replaced wit as people became convinced that a reference to Taxi Driver meant that the movie had jokes that would go over the kids’ heads, but the parents would appreciate. Sloppy writing followed as animated movies reveled in references that were either so played out as to become cliché or dated the movie prematurely. While Pixar avoided this route and has so far made 10 movies free of these joke-substitutes, Dreamworks and Disney have spent years churning out poorly-written features where robots reference Britney Spears or bears are somehow aware of Joe Pesci. Would Family Guy and its manatee-ball style of comedy exist if we hadn’t spent years being convinced that being reminded of a thing we’ve seen before is, in and of itself, humor? I think not!
The Defense: Well, it’s actually really good. Aladdin is one of the string of hits that basically saved Disney’s feature animation department, and for good reason. The story is strong, possibly the strongest example of Disney fleshing out a classic story. The characters are well-realized and appealing, and also the Mouse’s first attempt at non-Caucasian lead characters. The action is legitimately exciting, with an occasionally terrifying villain in Jafar. The Genie remains the last time that Robin Williams has been funny, and Gilbert Gottfried as the parrot Iago is fantastic. “I’m so not surprised! I could have a heart attack and die of not surprise!” Hee. The love story feels more grounded that most of Disney’s inevitable pairings, with both Aladdin and Jasmine growing as characters. The magic carpet is funny, Abu is funny, and it led to the best video games of any Disney feature up to that time. And damn, those songs are catchy. Aladdin stands out as one of the best of the Disney movies.
The Verdict: Guilty. As much as we love Aladdin, it excused so many crappy movies in its wake. In its way, it’s responsible for What Dreams May Come, Shark Tale, and American Dad. It hurts us deeply, but it’s the only verdict this court can live with.
Case 2: Clerks
The Prosecution: Writer/Director Kevin Smith has a rabid fanbase, despite his best attempts to drive them away. Clerks: The Animated Series was nearly unwatchable, Clerks 2 was deeply 
unfunny, and poorly-made to boot. Zach and Miri Make a Porno was utterly joyless, tying up the talents of a lot of legitimately funny people who could have been doing better things. His desperate attempts to create slang phrases are deeply irksome. Nobody will ever actually say “Snootches Bootches”, no matter how many pieces of merchandise you put out. Smith’s nerd-appeal has gotten him some high-profile writing gigs, with editors afraid to rein him in. The man actually wrote a Batman series that incorporated Smith’s recurring motif that gay sex is inherently hilarious. His inability to turn in scripts on time derailed the work of more talented writers again and again, and because it can’t be stated often enough, he is responsible for Clerks 2.
unfunny, and poorly-made to boot. Zach and Miri Make a Porno was utterly joyless, tying up the talents of a lot of legitimately funny people who could have been doing better things. His desperate attempts to create slang phrases are deeply irksome. Nobody will ever actually say “Snootches Bootches”, no matter how many pieces of merchandise you put out. Smith’s nerd-appeal has gotten him some high-profile writing gigs, with editors afraid to rein him in. The man actually wrote a Batman series that incorporated Smith’s recurring motif that gay sex is inherently hilarious. His inability to turn in scripts on time derailed the work of more talented writers again and again, and because it can’t be stated often enough, he is responsible for Clerks 2. The Defense: His earlier movies were actually fun. Certainly Chasing Amy was good, and both Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back had their moments. Although in the latter, Will Ferrell was pretty much responsible for all of those moments. Perhaps most importantly, Kevin Smith made Clerks on a minuscule budget without studio support. Whether or not you like his work, he served as a role model for young filmmakers.
The Verdict: Guilty. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a good role model. With his cult of personality eclipsing his work and his tendency to shamelessly merchandise every reference and side character, his negative attributes as a creative force would outweigh even good movies. As his movies get less good, it’s even harder to ignore that he fills every scene with product placement for his own products.
Case 3: Star Wars
The Prosecution: I’m going to be more generous than most, but even then I have to cite everything after Return of the Jedi into evidence. The prequels were technological marvels, only they were populated by bland characters and sloppy plotting. Rather than the iconic storytelling of the original, we ended up with lengthy trade embargo talks and basic logical flaws. The wonder and mystery of the originals was replaced by trivia and a desperate need to convince the viewers that everything had been planned ahead of time. Since it hadn’t actually been planned ahead of time, scenes and dialogue in the original movies had to be altered. The sheer enthusiasm of the original Star Wars has been smoothed over with the retroactive addition of CGI, and key defining scenes have been blunted. A generation will grow up thinking Greedo shot first, and we all know that he didn’t. And it’s only gotten worse with the animated Clone Wars movie and TV series, where the characters have been strip-mined of anything interesting. Finally, George Lucas’ tin ear has only gotten worse with time. Spending decades ensconced in the world he created, his newer work has brought us characters that are fairly offensive racial caricatures. A man who paid more attention to reality might have realized that the Charlie Chan-style aliens or Jabba the Hutt’s gay uncle wouldn’t sit well with modern audiences. Sadly, it’s so hard to ignore the later material that it hurts the original movies. When you’ve seen Darth Vader as a whiny and unlikable kid, he’s not scary anymore. When the Clone Wars were only alluded to, they were mysterious and cool. Now we’ve seen them, and they were lame. It’s a shame, really.
The Defense: Remember being a kid? Was there anything cooler than Star Wars? No, no there 
was not. You can’t be an American and not have some knowledge of these characters. For most of us, Star Wars was our first major, universal cultural experience, and there’s something important about that. And yeah, the original trilogy is awesome. Sure, it’s easy to pick on Return of the Jedi, but the Ewoks didn’t bother you when you were a kid. They were like tiny warrior bears! Darth Vader was the embodiment of a nightmare you didn’t remember having, Han Solo was the coolest guy around, C-3PO and R2-D2 were funny, and Luke Skywalker, the kid who dreamed of being a hero, made us all feel like we could be special. It’s impossible to imagine our generation without the influence of Star Wars.
was not. You can’t be an American and not have some knowledge of these characters. For most of us, Star Wars was our first major, universal cultural experience, and there’s something important about that. And yeah, the original trilogy is awesome. Sure, it’s easy to pick on Return of the Jedi, but the Ewoks didn’t bother you when you were a kid. They were like tiny warrior bears! Darth Vader was the embodiment of a nightmare you didn’t remember having, Han Solo was the coolest guy around, C-3PO and R2-D2 were funny, and Luke Skywalker, the kid who dreamed of being a hero, made us all feel like we could be special. It’s impossible to imagine our generation without the influence of Star Wars. The Verdict: Not Guilty. Sure, the prequels and supplementary material have done their best to damage the originals, but our memories remain intact. Just because George Lucas decided after the fact that Obi-Wan Kenobi is a big liar and Han Solo is completely ignorant of recent events, we’re still better off for having enjoyed the movies in their original form for all these years. Sure, now I’ve seen Boba Fett as a small child crying about his father, but I still have all those years of wondering about the backstory of the badass in the cool armor. Yes, George Lucas can make it impossible to enjoy the movies now, but he can’t take our memories. And Star Wars inspired a whole generation of creators. Just look at the debts people like JJ Abrams and Jackson Publick owe to the original trilogy. And if it weren’t for the original Battlestar Galactica shamelessly ripping it off in the 70’s, we wouldn’t have had the excellent reboot. The only harm done is to Lucas’ own work, while Star Wars itself has inspired so many. You’re free to go, Lucas, but if you try showing us anything involving a lame, young Han Solo, we will slap you in irons in no time flat.
