Mr. Ford (Frisky Dingo) – When we first met Mr. Ford, he was a cashier at a pet store. Next time, he worked at a gun store. Then, bodyguard to notorious gangster Torpedo Vegas. After that, he was a judge, and then a polling consultant (who randomly made up poll data). Finally, when Presidential candidates Xander Crews and Killface were disqualified for being under 36 and from another planet, respectively, Killface’s running mate Ta’quil was elected President. Ta’quil then made Mr. Ford the Secretary of Homeland Security.
This meteoric rise would be enough for a lesser man, but Mr. Ford soon blew up Air Force One with a rocket launcher. With the President and Vice-President presumed dead, and the Cabinet definitely dead, Mr. Ford poisoned the Speaker of the House and President Pro Tem of the Senate. That put Mr. Ford in the Oval Office. Sure, he had to kill a lot of people to get there, but he went from selling rabbits to the Presidency in about a year. That guy’s got moxie.
Pros: He’s ambitious, which is definitely a plus. Also, he’s not too powerful to mow the White House lawn himself and then demand payment from a Secret Service agent. Mr. Ford speaks for the little man.
Cons: Oh, he’s crazy. And not like Joe Biden crazy. We’re talking flat-out crazy.
Overall: Here’s the thing – if he’s not President, he will kill whoever he has to in order to get the job. We’re probably safer with him on the inside than on the outside.
