The Drunken Clam Qhahog, RI You can see the animated neon clam from miles away, letting you know you’re welcome anytime. The Drunken Clam is one of the most accommodating bars you’ll find. It’s wheelchair accessible and they also offer table tennis! We didn’t see any waitstaff when we were there, but we did see a talking dog having a beer. It was a weird night. Two Stars (Family Guy)
Nightingale’s Exit 34B off of Highway 11 If the Bada Bing is the Cadillac of strip clubs, Nightingale’s is a 1987 Ford Escort with two broken axles. The lack of care
should be evident from the parking lot, where a sign that’s been broken since the Clinton administration proclaims that you’re at “Nightin Ale’s”. And their giant neon logo depicts a bird with large breasts. That should tell you everything you need to know right there. To call the clientele “dangerous” is putting it mildly – eyepatches and hook hands abound. It’s impossible to gauge the actual quality of the alcohol selection, since you get what they feel like giving you. And what they usually feel like giving you is off-brand beer from a filthy tap. And though this shouldn’t affect the grade, the entertainers are a sad lot. If you’re looking for a stripper with an uncanny resemblance to Hunter S. Thompson, or you have a thing for breasts that could best be described as “mournful”, this is the place for you. One Star (The Venture Bros.)
The Regal Beagle!
You just heard two people simultaneously kicking themselves for forgetting that one…
DAMMIT!
Bob’s Burgers sells beer!
But I guess it wasn’t on the air yet when this was published. I just wanted to give the Belcher’s a shout out. (Also it’s a restaurant, not technically a bar)
They definitely would have made the list these days! It’s a weird detail that they rarely acknowledge, but it’s very funny that Bob has a liquor license.