Movie Reviews

42 Reasons Why “G.I. Joe” is Awesomely Bad

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is not a good movie. It is, however, an awesomely bad movie. See, something like Transformers 2 is a legitimately bad movie. Joyless and insulting, full of contempt for its source material while managing to be even stupider than the original. If you try actually watching the movie, you’ll want to leave when Shia LaBeouf’s mom accidentally eats a marijuana brownie, you’ll pray for deafness when the racist robots show up, and you’ll long for the sweet release of death when they make the third reference to Devastator’s wrecking balls. And then there’s the part with all the Autobots in Heaven, where you know that you will never feel joy again.
On the other hand, G.I. Joe pretty much blasts through its running time. None of what you’ll see is going to make any sense whatsoever, but at least you’re always seeing something. Director Stephen Sommers is an expert at making bad movies that are compulsively watchable (Van Helsing, the first two Mummy movies). Whether it’s the fast pace or just the sheer loopiness of what you’re watching, his movies manage to be both bad and awesome at the same time. Since the plot of this darn thing doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense at any point, it defies any attempt at a conventional review. Instead, I’m going to present 42 reasons why G.l. Joe is awesomely bad, and maybe seed in a couple of things that I legitimately liked about it. I’m just putting a SPOILER WARNING here, because you can’t really grasp the sheer insanity without seeing this plot through to its conclusion. But really, if you care about the plot, you’re seeing the wrong movie.

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