Previously, on The Amazing Race: The Racers hit Cambodia. Dan and Andrew (Team Eeyore) were generally sad about things and had difficulty figuring out how to work a pump. Kelly and Christy (Team Sports Bra) kept up their positive energy and gave Toni and Dallas their nickname – Team Wolf Too. Tina had the weakest jump shot this side of somebody with a weak jump shot. Nick and Starr rocked the challenges and came in first place. Ty, Aja, and her endless array of Michigan shirts had some problems along the way and were eliminated. I assume they’re still happy and adorable right now, though. Also, it turns out that Cambodia looks a lot like Waterworld, including a floating basketball court and dentist’s office. Fortunately, none of the challenges involved finding a young girl with a map to dry land tattooed on her back.
OK, I’m trying something new with the format – rather than strict chronological presentation, I’ll break the leg up and cover the highlights. We’ll see if it works. If not, feel free to return the unused portion for a full refund.
Starting the Race
Nick and Starr are first to leave and they find out they’re supposed to fly to Delhi, India. Oooh, India. This tends to be a rough trip for Racers. I think it caused the series’ first epic meltdown, Emily in Season One. Anyway, they have to buy tickets at a travel agency before going to the airport. In a quick interview, Nick tells us how great their relationship is, forgetting Comedy Rule #27 – “Deeper” is always funny. Do not use that word to describe your relationship with your sister. We will laugh. At the travel agency, Starr hilariously announces “We’re first”. Like the lady at the travel agency cares…
Toni and Dallas are the next to go. Dallas tells us that he’s flirting with Starr and there may be attraction there. He’s like Icarus, in his way. The two teams research flights on the Internet together, and Dallas says that his mother is “the worst wingman ever”. He says this with the air of One Who Knows, which really makes me want backstory.
Both Ken and Tina and Team Sports Bra set out. In an interview, Team SB is relentlessly positive, pointing out that they probably wouldn’t have gone on the race if both of them hadn’t gotten divorced. Awwww. If these two freak out on one another, I will be traumatized. Sarah (of Terence and Sarah) is ridiculously excited about India. Soon, they all join the leading teams at the travel agent.
Bringing up the rear is Team Eeyore, and I just realized that the other racers are calling them “Dandrew”, which is pretty funny. And also a portmanteau. Yeah, that’s right, it has a name. Feel free to keep calling it a “smooshed-up couple name” though. More people will know what you’re talking about. Dan tells how they’re going to be less casual and work harder this leg, but he says it in a tone that makes it seem like the editors trimmed out the “Oh, bother”. They finally show up at the travel agency when everybody else is just farting around on the Internet, probably reading spunkybean. Everybody gets into strange little cabs that look like they should be pulled by horses, but actually have motors.
They all end up on the same flight, and they race for the taxis. Team SB appears momentarily stymied by a plate glass window that does not turn out to be a door. In the Nick and Starr cab, they’re criticizing Team SB for wearing shorts in India – they think it’s inappropriate. I don’t have any strong feelings either way, but Starr’s mouth says one thing and her neckline says another. (The thing her neckline says? “Hey! Boobs!”)
Everybody seems to be enjoying observing another culture, except for Team Eeyore, who are hot and wish they were back in Cambodia. (“I’m on the Amazing Race. Oh, bother.”) The teams all negotiate traffic for a while, and we see that Ken and Tina’s cabdriver has a water bottle that resembles a marital aid. Tina and Ken spar briefly over the directions, as the teams make their way to the Roadblock. Team Eeyore and Nick and Starr have a lead, with the other teams more or less lost, but lost in the same place. Ken and Tina especially get off track.
The Roadblock
“Who’s got an artistic flair?” One team member must paint an auto-rickshaw green to signify that it runs on natural gas. They have to block off the non-paintable parts with newspaper, both inside and out.
Starr and Andrew take the Roadblock for their respective teams. When Team Wolf Too arrives, Toni takes the Roadblock. Nick mentions Starr and Dallas’ “budding romance” and thinks it’s sweet. Team Sports Bra arrives, and the one I’ll call Kelly volunteers for the Roadblock.
I think it’s funny on a task like this when the non-competing member cheers their partner on. It’s hard to sound really geeked about taping newspaper to a rickshaw. This is an interesting task, because the actual blocking off and painting is pretty monotonous, but with your partner standing right there, you’re set up for maximum frustration and tension. Nothing like a slow-moving task to get partners yelling. (“Tape newspaper faster! You always tape newspaper too slowly!” “I hate you!”) The rickshaw master has to first approve their blocking before they can start painting.
Sarah takes the Roadblock and Terence, as is his wont, starts nagging her to go faster instantly. Team Eeyore responds in an interview by saying he should have done the task. “Who makes their wife do body work on a vehicle?” First, nice take on gender relations, ass. Second, not husband and wife. Third, taping newspaper to a rickshaw is a rather loose interpretation of “body work”. Thanks for playing, Team Eeyore!
Tina has plenty of advice for Ken, edited in such a way as to make it seem like a never-pausing flow of criticism. Or it wasn’t edited at all and that’s exactly what it was. Ken says their relationship isn’t going well, and he shouldn’t have to struggle to maintain a relationship. Really? I realize I’m not married or, you know, happy, or anything. Still, don’t relationships actually require work? I know some guys who say that they shouldn’t have to work in a marriage. Those guys are all divorced.
Dan tries his best to make spray painting sound totally awesome. He says Andrew is like “Leonardo DaVinci / Michelangelo / David all rolled into one.” One of these things is not like the others… Dallas gives his Mom painting advice, and she appreciates it. They’re so functional! If only she could learn to wingman.
Terence and Sarah argue, and it seems like he’s not good at reading her. They do get the exchange of the episode, though – Sarah “Whatever I’m doing, I need you to only support me.” Terence (half-heartedly): “You’re doing great.” Hee.
Team Eeyore finishes first with a “That is so money, dude”. Because they are not only lacking in any original ideas, they also live in 1995. They whoop like they just won the whole Race and the prize is a keg. They are told to make their way to the Ambassador Hotel and then find a doorman who will give them a clue.
Starr finishes next, quickly regaining the lead as they manage to find a taxi while Team Eeyore wanders around aimlessly. (“I have to raise my arm to signal a taxi? Oh bother.”) Team Wolf Too pick up a taxi quickly, too. Ken bellows for the rickshaw master to approve his paint job. I know I would have found something wrong if he yelled at me like that. They actually had their taxi driver wait for them, so they’re ready to go. Team Sports Bra finishes, and the rickshaw master barely glances at the cab before giving them a clue. He must have been distracted by their legs. Apparently, nobody in India has legs? I think that’s what I learned this week. Terence and Sarah are last, a matter which Terence helps by informing his partner “We’re going to be eliminated”. In the cab after finishing, Sarah wants to talk about being mad and Terence does not. Thus, they talk about being in last place instead.
Nick and Starr find the doorman first, bringing us to the Detour.
Detour
“Launder money or launder clothes” In “Launder Money” they make a wedding necklace out rupee notes, but they have to have an exact combination of bills that adds up to 780 rupees. Then they bring it to the groom. This challenge seems to have a lot of math involved. Where are Mark and Bill when we need them?
In “Launder Clothes”, the teams press 20 pieces of clothing with a charcoal iron. The first four teams all choose this option. Dan makes a dick comment about how Kelly and Christie get “lucky breaks” because they’re “semi-attractive”. Man, even Andrew’s tired of this bonehead by now.
The ironing is not the most visually interesting task, but the actual location is full of locals who are swinging around wet clothes and banging them on a table, which is pretty fun to see. Nick and Starr get to it.
Ken is not happy with his cab driver, who gets them lost and strands them in last place. They choose the money option, as do Terence and Sarah. Kelly and Christy are the second team to the irons, but they’re having a problem with burning themselves. Have to admit, Team Sports Bra knows how to make up time. Fifth out of the Roadblock and second to the Detour? That’s pretty good. Team Wolf Too arrives, and Team SB reminisces about being married and ironing all the time. Meanwhile, Starr has stripped down to an actual sports bra, completely perplexing me as to why the shorts were such an issue. Eeyore arrives and, you guessed it, starts complaining. Apparently they have never ironed before. Pick your jaws up off the floor, folks.
Terence and Sarah hit the wedding and set out to make change so they can get the necessary rupees they need. Ken and Tina do the same. (Fun fact: If it weren’t for this show, I wouldn’t know that “rupees” were a real unit of currency. I thought they were made up for Legend of Zelda. What, are Octoroks real too?)
Nick and Starr finish first, because that’s what they do. The clue directs them to the Baha’i House and the Pit Stop. They hope that the other detour wasn’t faster. Cut to the money laundering teams roaming the streets like hobos. Each of them finally finds somebody who can make change, though Ken and Tina’s transaction requires a lot more discussion. Sarah refuses to kiss the guy who gives them money, which is reasonable. Dude made change, he didn’t lasso the moon!
Andrew argues with the ironing judge – apparently he can’t get a wrinkle out. Dan gripes about how girly the Detour is. Meanwhile, Team Sports Bra, though the miracle of being good at things and not griping all the time, finishes well ahead of them.
Terence and Sarah get their necklace assembled, while Ken and Tina finally get somebody to give them the right amount of change. That’s progress, I guess. Toni and Dallas finish their clothes, and Eeyore bemoans their bad luck. (“We suck at doing things and everybody finishes faster than we do. Oh bother.”) Terence and Sarah fight the crowds looking for a groom as Ken and Tina finish their necklace.
A gust of wind kicks up, which Dan takes as a personal insult, so he rants about the wind. Rather than, you know, continue to work on the task. There is a shot of Indian youths laughing. I really hope that wasn’t an editing trick and random urchins actually laughed at Dan.
Terence and Sarah finally find a groom, just before Ken and Tina do likewise. Terence and Sarah get a lead when they get into their old cab, which Ken and Tina have to find a new one. Team Eeyore has some clothing rejected by the Iron Matron. Ken and Tina find a cab as Eeyore finally finishes. Tina says “We’ve never been last”, which is true what with them still being in the race and all. Their cab driver pulls over because he doesn’t know where they’re headed, then they fight over the placement of her bag. The important thing is that they’re not sweating the small stuff.
The Pit Stop
Nick and Starr arrive first. Phil gives them each an electric car. That’s kind of an awesome prize, really. Team Sports Bra is a fairly close second, an announcement they take with all the perkiness you’ve come to expect. Toni and Dallas come in third, and it seems like Terence and Sarah are close behind. They don’t show the time code though, so it’s hard to tell. Team Eeyore arrives fifth, and they are excited to be in their customary position of “almost eliminated”. This means Ken and Tina are last, and Phil drags it out before telling them it’s a non-elimination leg. They have to do an extra task next week, which should work out fine because of how well they work together under pressure!
In an interview, Ken once again makes their relationship contingent upon success in the Race. I’m not convinced that’s the best criteria to use.
Next week: Children cover Tina with paint and she swears at them. Kellie takes a bad fall and gets upset, which is not something I want to see. Also, they don’t show it, but I’m willing to bet Team Eeyore will have something to complain about. See you then!
