Michelle displays a stunning command of the English language by saying she’s not thinking “personal-wise”, but rather “strategic-wise”.
Renny is quietly venting to Keesha about April. “I can’t stand that bitch”, she says. Boy, that’s becoming a rather popular opinion. Memphis reminds them that she put Jessie up in the first place, which spurs Renny up to the HOH to campaign for April to be put up, reminding Michelle of April’s role in her beloved body builder being gone. Michelle claims she has a lot to think about, but I think we all know there’s tumbleweeds going through there, don’t we?
When we return, Michelle is pondering the key box and memory wall, and says she’s nominating people “who’ve been there too long”. Killing almost all the suspense immediately, she pulls April’s key first. Dan’s key comes out last, and that leaves Keesha and Libra as the nominees, which Michelle sheepishly says is strategic. In the DR, Jerry is clearly bummed that Dan didn’t get nominated, and calls him Judas, which is just absurd. What an ass. I hate to say it, but he’s totally earned it tonight. Libra threatens to have a “moment” tomorrow.
TUESDAY
We lead off with the same footage that already irritated me on Sunday and last Thursday. Libra and Keesha are not surprised by their predicament. Dan is happy to not be nominated, and Jerry is not. Hilariously, Jerry says the only way Dan can justify his vote is if he’s America’s Player. Hee.
Keesha, Libra, and Dan commiserate. The nominees are pretty upset, but not psychotically so. They read great meaning into the fact that April’s key was the first out of the box.
In the HoH room, Michelle tells Keesha that she wants Libra out. Michelle explains that everybody evicted was a threat to Libra “and nobody else”. To her credit, Keesha rolls her eyes grandly. Keesha’s mostly irritated that she’s not getting the credit for Jessie’s eviction.
Dan is worried that Jerry will win PoV. Not likely, unless it’s a competition depending on mood swings. When it’s time to pick players, Michelle picks April, Keesha picks Memphis, and Libra pulls Jerry’s name. Michelle makes Ollie the host. And then? It’s night time. Did I miss the competition?
Outside, Jerry tells April and Ollie that “It’s nice to have them sweating for a change”. Given that all three people in the scene have been on the side of the majority every week and two have won Head of Household, I’m not sure what he’s getting at. He, April, and Ollie haven’t exactly been fighting for survival. For the fourth time in two episodes, April calls Libra a bitch, and Ollie has sudden anger toward her because he is required to agree with April Sapien. Jerry thinks Dan is the real threat.
Michelle and Jerry meet her in the HoH room, and Jerry explains that he thinks Dan is America’s Player. Man, he must have been really bad at it to tip people off like that. Jerry really wants Dan out, and to demonstrate, he eats food angrily. Jerry says that if Dan is America’s Player, he’s a “scumbag”. What ever happened to funny, reasonable Jerry? Why did they replace him with this guy?
Commercials. I’ve mentioned this before, but the way Renny pops out of nowhere (wearing a wig, mind you), shrieks “That’s what I’m talkin’ about”, and disappears during the ad for online content freaks me out. It’s like she’s a Whammy or something. And me with $2300 and a trip to Jamaica on the line.
Late at night, Dan and Memphis cover their faces with bandanas, and wake up Keesha, Renny, and Libra by screaming and hitting them with pillows. It’s the bandanas that make it work. As if covering their nose and mouth somehow hides their identities and casts suspicions on Ollie.
Now it’s time for the Veto Competition, because the editors are asleep at the wheel. In the backyard is a giant wooden floor covered in thousands of onions, and six cutting boards. (And you just know that “How many onions were used in the ‘Cry Me a Veto’ competition?” will end up as a question in an HoH challenge before the end of the season.) Michelle tells us that she hates onions. I’m sure the feeling is mutual.
Here’s the competition. They each have a Veto bin and a Mystery bin. They have 45 minutes to chop onions and put them into either of the two bins. Houseguest with the heaviest Veto bin wins a Veto, two houseguests with the heaviest Mystery bins win a mystery prize.
They appear to be choosing mallets, because who’s going to let these nutbars have sharp objects? There hasn’t been a knife in the house since the Justin incident in Season Two, I bet.
Memphis heads for his mystery box because he likes presents, and April decides to put equal amounts in each box, because she enjoys not winning. Libra explains that everybody has a mallet, a knife, and a dicer. Still, I liked my joke about sharp objects, so I’m leaving it even though it’s factually inaccurate. And also, the knives are plastic, so there you go.
The spectators think that Libra’s strategy of putting big onion pieces into the box is smart, because apparently an onion weighs more if it’s a few big pieces rather than a bunch of small pieces. Rocket scientists, the lot of them. Dan worries about Jerry possibly winning.
When it’s time to announce the results, Ollie asks “How much do you have in your Mystery Box” and I stifle my every urge to make a filthy joke about April. They start with the mystery boxes, and I don’t understand why the people who really wanted the PoV put any onions in that box at all, I mean, you know a pound of onions isn’t going to win, but that pound added to your Veto Box could make all the difference. (Libra’s the only one who figured that out) Memphis and April win. Memphis because he chopped a crapload of onions, April because 4 out of 6 people virtually ignored that box.
Memphis has to pick an envelope for a prize, and his “prize” is wearing an onion necklace for the next 24 hours. That means second-place April gets designer outfits from a personal stylist. Dammit. I hate when good things happen to April.
Veto Box time. Amazingly, April’s Veto Box and Mystery Box weighed exactly the same. They weren’t kidding about her OCD that was referenced in the first episode and then never again.
After announcing Memphis, April, Michelle, and Keesha, Michelle is in the lead. Keesha kind of loses it at this point. Libra’s box weighs one pound more than Michelle’s, so Michelle has to be regretting those two pounds she put in the Mystery Box. And then Jerry beats Libra’s total by almost five pounds! If this were the Jerry I still liked, I’d be happy about this. Jerry offers up an analogy about cows having sex which seems to illustrate the importance of “slow and steady”, only, you know, this was a challenge where you had to move kind of fast.
Afterwards, Jerry dances around in his shorts, flipping the bird to nobody in particular. He asks Ollie and April to call Dan “Judas”. Man, it breaks my heart that Jerry’s being such a prick. Also, doesn’t that cast Jessie in the role of Jesus? I’ll tell you right now, I’m not comfortable with that. Jerry’s totally getting crazy eyes here.
Jerry harangues Michelle about putting Dan up. He wants to make sure that Dan “suffers”. Ultimately, Michelle still wants Libra to go home and Jerry wants Dan to know the unbearable torment of being on the block. You know, like he has been before. Damn, I miss Good Jerry.
Time for the feast that they won in the food challenge. It appears to be a wine-intensive feast, actually. Man, if Jessie were still in the house, they would only have had to provide water, and he’d take care of the rest.
Keesha wants to go around the table and have everybody say something positive about somebody else. Ordinarily, that kind of camp counselor thing would really bug me, but there have been some bad vibes, and for one of the nominees to try and perk everybody up is kind of cool. Memphis offers up a weird, garbled toast and I think he totally biffs the wording. Renny talks about how awesome Jerry is. Remember when I was in that club? Dan tries to make peace with Jerry and tears up. Jerry then ruins it by talking about how Dan betrayed him. Keesha then tries to patch things up with April Sapien, which gets people laughing. Libra makes a funny joke about Keesha sucking up to get a designer dress. Michelle is, of course, offended that Libra ruined a good time, even though everybody laughed. I sort of thought Angry Jerry lashing out at Dan ruined the good time, but what do I know?
Ollie’s “nice thing” is that he’s available if anybody wants to talk to him. Excuse me. I must have something in my eye. Really, that’s a sweet gesture, because he obviously makes all kinds of great life decisions…
At that moment, Libra decides to talk to Ollie one on one. Libra was hurt by their fight, which is odd since he wasn’t the one screaming at her. He called her a “scallywag”, because apparently he’s a pirate. The scene where he called her a “scurvy dog” must have been cut. Anyway, Libra is now in tears over this. I think it’s those post-pregnancy hormones kicking in. Once she calms down, Libra says “Keesha” and makes a hand gesture that FOX News would label as “terrorist” since it involves two African-Americans standing next to one another. Ollie nods, because he gets it. That makes one of us.
In the HoH room, Michelle tells Keesha that Libra is evil, and cites Libra’s joke once again. And again I say that it was clearly said as a joke and that people laughed. Man, I can’t stand Michelle. Keesha seems offended, but I can’t tell if she really is or if she thinks that people trashing Libra means she’s safe come eviction. But then Keesha says to bring Libra up. Oh, Keesha.
Libra comes on up, and Keesha asks her about it, but she’s smiling. Libra explains the concepts of jokes. All of a sudden, Keesha comes unglued. The thing is, she’s never really been that sure of Libra, so it’s not like this is complete turnaround, but I can’t believe how she’s getting played. I’d be so disappointed in her right now, except that she’s displaying cleavage. I’m shallow.
The argument continues, and either it’s poorly edited or Libra and Michelle are both clinically insane, because nothing makes sense. I wouldn’t rule out either possibility. Then the argument turns to whether Jessie was “after” Keesha. Then Keesha says April ratted out Jessie and tries to expose her as the mastermind. Well, that’s pushing it, but she did nominate Jessie. Can’t drum up the votes if he’s not on the block. Why does nobody remember this?
Keesha walks out because she sucks less than the rest of them. So of course Michelle has to follow and ask why she walked out of the room where everybody was shouting at her. Michelle follows Keesha to her bedroom and keeps yelling about why Keesha won’t talk to her, and Keesha’s too upset to come out and say “because you keep yelling”. At one point, Michelle straddles Keesha on the bed, and I really thought they were going to kiss.
Keesha pulls it together and slams April pretty good and says she “Can’t play the middleman between crazy (shot of Libra) and crazier (shot of April Sapien)!” OK, Keesha. We’re friends again. Keesha rails against April, but in a well-deserved fashion. She’s making good points and everything.
It’s time for the Veto Ceremony! Jerry says it’s his chance to get Dan out of the house. Well, not really. I’m not sure that he remembers how the Veto works. After their speeches, Jerry decides it’s time to have his say. He explains that Dan should be on there and mentions Dan wearing a cross for the millionth time. You know, Dan doesn’t deserve this crap. Jerry decides not to use the Power of Veto.
I’d feel much better if Keesha were off the block, but I don’t see Libra being able to keep people on her side. She does tend to flip out. I’ll be there Thursday with my “Keesha” pennant, and Myndi will lay some knowledge on you come Friday morning. In the meantime, let’s just hope they find Jerry 1.0 – I miss that guy.
