Out in the yard at another time, we see Natalie, in her red bikini, benching weights with Matt as her spotter. Then, both of them do crunches and so forth as Allison comments on how tough they are and that they must go. Well, so far, the HOH comps have been pretty strenuous, what with all the random guessing and opinion questions. I see why she’s concerned. Later, in the HOH bedroom with a bunch of the others, Allison argues her point that Matt and Nat have eaten real food all week while Alex and Amanda are weak, I guess from the combination of slop and seizures. She reiterates her point about getting Matt and Nat out before their sheer, brute strength bowls over everyone, like they’re Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite or something.
We next see Matt coaching Nat on how to schmooze Sharon and Joshuah to get their vote. Nat DRs that she has a special bond with them, although I don’t know why. It is not made clear if this DR happened before or after she and Joshuah both danced around in nothing more than thongs in front of everyone. Oh, you haven’t heard? These people were quite literally dancing around naked and all making out with each on the live feeds the other night, which is apparently too skanky for CBS to even acknowledge, let alone show footage of. I must concur with one of my loyal readers, Adam, who posited the theory that these people were all given the choice of either the Big Brother house or a mental hospital or, perhaps, jail.
Now it’s time to check in with the houseguests! The Chenbot asks how the scary medical events affected the relationships in the house. Amanda gives a squeaky yet diplomatic answer. Sheila and Allison are seated next to each other and are asked how their friendship is doing. Sheila answers for them, saying that it’s getting better, while Adam makes strange noises and faces over her shoulder, as I’m sure he does for most of the day. It’s disturbing. There is then a round of applause for James who says he “thought she was gonna die” when he is asked what he thought when Amanda went down. She is visably shocked. Matt comments that drinking out of bowls ‘like we’re dogs” sucked and everyone was moody and on edge due to the lack of hot water. Never has he sounded so much like Jimmy Fallon’s Boston guy from SNL.
In the DR, we see Josh and Sharon talk about who they’re going to vote out. He says that Amanda secretly hates him, which I doubt. But, if she does, who’s fault is that, bucko?
After the commercials, we get a loving look at Chelsia and James. They lie on the bed as he explains that he is biking around the world to promote a message of peace and prosperity. He said he’s gone 7,000 miles…from L.A. to Seattle to New York to Florida. Apparently the terms “World” and “Continental U.S.” are synonyms. There is commentary from Chelsia’s friend from home and some dude James met in a place called “Bar 107”, where he is a regular. Um, if he’s a) broke and b) riding his bike around the “world” how is he a regular at a bar? Nevermind, I don’t want to know. During their heart to heart, Chelsia says she’d give the money to Make a Wish if she won. I’m not entirely sure I believe her.
In their HOH chat, James actually says he hates most of these people (wait–I have something in common with James?) and that they are all very materialistic and selfish. I am shocked to hear this! When the Chenbot asks why he’s there, then, he says it’s to inspire people to bike around the world–or you know, from Ohio to Indiana (I may have added the last part).
Back in the living room, Alex is wearing a shirt that says “Keepin’ it real”, which I assume he bought at the Reality TV store. Chenbot tells them that the two nominated couples have one last chance to plead their case before the live voting begins. They all profess their undying love to people they’ve known for about three weeks and Natalie compliments Big Brother on its casting and says she doesn’t want to go back to the Beaver State just yet. Natalie, I got news, hon, wherever you go IS the Beaver State.
Following a 3-0 vote by the couples, Alex and Amanda are evicted. For the second week in a row, an annoying, obnoxious chick has ruined the game of a man who might have gone pretty far on his own. Way to discredit the gender, ladies! When all the weeping and hugging go over the time limit, Julie actually says Alex and Amanda must come out now! Their interview is really uneventful and useless. We basically find out that Alex did not campaign to stay in the house while Amanda was busting her considerable ass. In the video goodbyes, Josh apologizes again, and Matt says to Alex, “I will avenge you” Are we in a comic book?
Now to the HOH competition, where Matt and Natalie will no doubt kick butt in some sort of Ironman competition, right? What’s that? It’s a series of multiple choice questions about the love quotes on the walls of the house? No way! The women will guess first and then the men. The winner of each gender will face off the determine who wins HOH for their team. And then Sharon and Joshuah are the only ones to
answer a single question correctly. The only other one to even buzz in is Ryan and he guesses wrong. My favorite question is who said “Love is a battlefield” which Josh correctly gets as none of the above, since Pat Benatar was not a choice. I so wanted someone to say it was Dostoevsky! So, there’s no need for a showdown and Joshuah and Sharon are named HOH. No one but them seems very excited.
In the living room, basking in their win, Josh and Sharon both say how much they want pictures of their families. Josh would also like a phone call and a short conjugal visit, if that’s cool. Matt says that Alex is a “great human being and he’ll be greatly missed”. We leave the show with Julie telling us that next week’s evicted couple will be in for a surprise that “no one will see coming” and “a new chapter of the game will begin”. That can’t be good. See you next week!
