Celebrity Apprentice Season 3 – Snap Judgments
I personally think Trump selected him mostly based on hair. And I have a weird feeling it will be almost as big a pass for him as when he is blind to the failings of the athletes he adores. Also, the fact that he clearly believes his own b.s. to an alarming degree can only help him in this competition. But who the heck is in his rolodex for any of Trump’s umpteen “call your rich friends and beg for money” tasks? (mw)
Sharon Osbourne – I blame Sharon Osbourne for most of what’s wrong with American culture today. I think The Osbournes was a cynical cash grab that spawned a host of ever-cheaper imitators, and created a situation where people get to be famous for being related to famous people. In a way, he-who-will-not-be-named (though he has a flesh-colored beard and a rivalry with Al Roker) is the bastard spawn of Sharon Osbourne. On the other hand, she can be kind of a hoot. She’s smart and mean, and ideally, that should serve her well. However, this is Celebrity Apprentice, so it’s anybody’s guess. (ej)Sharon was a business person before she was a celebrity, so I really think she’ll fare quite well on this show. And Lord knows she knows lots of rich people she can harass. If she makes it all the way to the finale, do you think her daughter Ami will bother to attend the live show? My money is on Melinda, the woman still identified as “nanny” to her grown children. (mw)
Darryl Strawberry – It’s always more comfortable when they cast professional athletes who’ve
been on The Simpsons. This allows me to pretend I know things about them. In this case, I know that he took Homer’s spot on the Power Plant softball team, and also that Bart and Lisa made him cry. Let’s see what he’s been up to since then…. Parole violations…. Cocaine…. Solicitation… Oh, Darryl! However, he is a former professional athlete, and thus Trump will have a man-crush on him. (ej)
The big question is whether Trump will bring up his notorious past in the board room at regular intervals or just let it lie. Yeah…it’s gonna come up. I have no idea what Straw’s been up to lately, so I can’t tell you whether he’s going to be good at this. But does it matter? Herschel Walker owned a company that made food, and he sucked at the Healthy Choice challenge, so who the hell knows. (mw)
Curtis Stone – This Australian is one of Marco Pierre White’s protégés, which is fascinating if you care as much about celebrity chefs as I do. He’s has a couple of television shows, and unlike most celebrity chefs, does not seem to have any mental problems or cutesy catchphrases. He’ll probably be under the radar, until his team loses a challenge that’s tangentially related to food, at which point he’ll be scolded and dismissed. (ej)Um, who? I tried watching Food Network once when I was pregnant and was still fighting morning sickness and promptly got nauseous, so it’s not really a big thing for me. Plus, every time I try to cook something Giada or Rachael Ray make look easy, I inevitably screw it up, so chefs tend to make me angry and bitter. So, you know, what EJ said. (mw)
Sinbad – If you’re like me, the last time you saw Sinbad was on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,
where he played himself as a bully in a mental hospital. His sidekick was Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20, who he consistently referred to as “Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20”. This was hilarious. He’s also one of the top 10 tax debtors in the state of California, and just last month was forced to sell his home. This is not hilarious. All that aside, he’s generally pretty funny and seems like a nice guy. I don’t see him threatening to beat up a teammate or anything. And man, I hope he wears something made of windbreaker. (ej)
where he played himself as a bully in a mental hospital. His sidekick was Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20, who he consistently referred to as “Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20”. This was hilarious. He’s also one of the top 10 tax debtors in the state of California, and just last month was forced to sell his home. This is not hilarious. All that aside, he’s generally pretty funny and seems like a nice guy. I don’t see him threatening to beat up a teammate or anything. And man, I hope he wears something made of windbreaker. (ej)I actually don’t watch Sunny regularly, so I have not seen that particular episode. I tend to remember Sinbad from his glory days on Different World and Star Search. Which probably explains why he was forced to sell his home, as we’re talking 20+ years ago. It’s a safe bet Sinbad will be taller than most of teammates, so he’s got that going for him. Plus, I don’t think any of rest of them are named after pirates. (mw)
Cyndi Lauper – Probably the most famous person in the cast this season, and is pretty well liked all around. I guarantee that you haven’t heard a single song she’s recorded since 1992, but you have plenty of affection for the old ones. I find her really interesting, because she’s somebody who just embodies the 80’s, and then she spent the intervening years trying to do material that was more challenging, as well as politically involved, but it never quite clicked with a mass audience. But people like her, and she’s good and feisty. I don’t see her taking a lot of crap in the Boardroom, which will either amuse or infuriate Trump. Man, it’s hard to predict how people will do on the show – Trump’s such a wild card. It’s like betting on Chicken Bingo, you know? (ej)Ah, Cyndi. My soul sister. I can tell you the exact moment I discovered her, watching the “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” video, realizing that she spelled “Cyndi” like I spelled “Myndi”. Good times. I agree that she won’t sit still for any b.s. in the boardroom, but it’ only about a 50/50 shot that we’ll completely understand what she’s saying. Girlfriend gets a little loopy sometimes. (mw)
Bret Michaels – Remember when Bret walked right into that sign at the Tony Awards and fell flat
on his ass? That was awesome. These days he’s better known for the hyper-sleazy Rock of Love franchise rather than anything he did with Poison. Except for the songs that appear in Guitar Hero III. He’s actually kind of likeable, despite the fact that he makes women with breast implants fight for his attention on VH1. In fact, watch any other show in that genre, and compared to that lot, Bret comes off as a veritable prince. He does not, however, seem all that bright. (Dude owns a production company with Charlie Sheen!) (ej)
on his ass? That was awesome. These days he’s better known for the hyper-sleazy Rock of Love franchise rather than anything he did with Poison. Except for the songs that appear in Guitar Hero III. He’s actually kind of likeable, despite the fact that he makes women with breast implants fight for his attention on VH1. In fact, watch any other show in that genre, and compared to that lot, Bret comes off as a veritable prince. He does not, however, seem all that bright. (Dude owns a production company with Charlie Sheen!) (ej)This is one of those cases where I wish they made the celebs all live together, so we could get a glimpse of Bret first thing in the morning, maybe find out what’s under that bandana. Then again, it could be something akin to when we saw Darth Vader without his mask, so maybe it’s for the best. Wait–is he going to get to wear a bandana all the time on this show? I hope Trump doesn’t try to have awkward chit chat about all of Bret’s skanks with him, because you know he wants to. Trump is a big ol’ perv. (mw)
Goldberg – Bill Goldberg is a very large man who can hurt you badly. He is the professional 
wrestler with the longest winning streak in history, but that’s sort of like giving Kyle Chandler credit for the Dillon Panthers’ winning season. And man, take some time and read Goldberg’s wikipedia entry – it’s written from the standpoint that pro wrestling is real, including the promos. That’s right, apparently that time he got run over by a limousine was a legitimate attempt on his life. While you obviously can’t extrapolate a wrestler’s actual personality from his ring persona, but Goldberg has always come off as a bit dim to me. It’s win/win for Goldberg – either he’s going to be exactly who you think he is (which will be hilarious), or he’ll turn out to be quiet and genteel, and that will be awesome. (ej)
wrestler with the longest winning streak in history, but that’s sort of like giving Kyle Chandler credit for the Dillon Panthers’ winning season. And man, take some time and read Goldberg’s wikipedia entry – it’s written from the standpoint that pro wrestling is real, including the promos. That’s right, apparently that time he got run over by a limousine was a legitimate attempt on his life. While you obviously can’t extrapolate a wrestler’s actual personality from his ring persona, but Goldberg has always come off as a bit dim to me. It’s win/win for Goldberg – either he’s going to be exactly who you think he is (which will be hilarious), or he’ll turn out to be quiet and genteel, and that will be awesome. (ej)I’m sorry, but in my world, a man named Bill Goldberg is not threatening. He’s on the board of the synagogue. Then, you look at this guy, and realize that every once in a great while, we Jews grow ’em kinda big. I haven’t watched pro wrestling since the Rowdy Roddy Piper days, so I don’t know anything about him beyond that. Wait, Goldberg was on Yes, Dear? There’s some questionable judgement there. (mw)
Summer Sanders – I’m not good with athletes, but I’ve heard of her. I honestly think it’s because
she used to host NBA Inside Stuff , which was sort of my younger sister’s Bible for a few years there. I don’t have much else, but she has the distinct disadvantage of being an Olympic gold medalist. The first time she loses, Trump’s going to remind her that she should be a champion. Most athletes do well on this show, Olympians do not. If you have a gold medal, it means you’re officially the best at everything, and any evidence to the contrary will blow the Donald’s mind. (ej)
she used to host NBA Inside Stuff , which was sort of my younger sister’s Bible for a few years there. I don’t have much else, but she has the distinct disadvantage of being an Olympic gold medalist. The first time she loses, Trump’s going to remind her that she should be a champion. Most athletes do well on this show, Olympians do not. If you have a gold medal, it means you’re officially the best at everything, and any evidence to the contrary will blow the Donald’s mind. (ej)Remember how mad Trump got at Nadia Comaneic, when she did a bad job at running Craft Services? Summer better know her strengths and act on them, or Trump will be livid. He’s got no patience for Gold medalists being bad at anything. No pressure, Summer! Where’s Ahmad Rashad when she needs him? (mw)
Holly Robinson Peete – Isn’t it weird that somebody can still be famous for Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper? Has anybody ever seen an episode, aside from the one where Coop tries to get into pro 
basketball and gets schooled by Charles Barkley? I love when the oatmeal says “Welcome to the NBA, chump!” Not quite as awesome as Barkley vs. Godzilla, but still pretty cool. Also, Holly’s father was the original Gordon on Sesame Street. That’s really all I have, but I sort of assume that Myndi used to have a 21 Jump Street lunchbox and is thus more excited about Ms. Robinson Peete than I am. (ej)even
basketball and gets schooled by Charles Barkley? I love when the oatmeal says “Welcome to the NBA, chump!” Not quite as awesome as Barkley vs. Godzilla, but still pretty cool. Also, Holly’s father was the original Gordon on Sesame Street. That’s really all I have, but I sort of assume that Myndi used to have a 21 Jump Street lunchbox and is thus more excited about Ms. Robinson Peete than I am. (ej)evenI didn’t have the lunchbox, but I did love that show! Holly’s hung around a long time, between marrying an NFL quarterback and having twins, so you have to give her that. I wonder, though, does she know Elmo? She’s also an author, which will probably have less importance here than whether or not she has any current football players on speed dial. Man, sometimes this show bugs me. (mw)
Carol Leifer — You know what? Not only did she write for Seinfeld, she wrote the episode about the marble rye. And the lip-reading episode! So obviously I have nothing bad to say about her. Instead, I’ll cite some random facts and then speculate. Frank Sinatra referred to her as “one funny
broad”, and she won an auction for the handwritten notes Michael Vick used for his dogfighting apology. Neat, right? As for the speculation… what the hell is she doing here? She works consistently, and she’s a writer/producer on CBS’ Rules of Engagement. Not the usual dire straits you expect from a contestant on this show. I’m guessing that she’s trying to pitch a series to NBC, and a season on Celebrity Apprentice is part of the deal. That’s right, I’m going the conspiracy route. (ej)
broad”, and she won an auction for the handwritten notes Michael Vick used for his dogfighting apology. Neat, right? As for the speculation… what the hell is she doing here? She works consistently, and she’s a writer/producer on CBS’ Rules of Engagement. Not the usual dire straits you expect from a contestant on this show. I’m guessing that she’s trying to pitch a series to NBC, and a season on Celebrity Apprentice is part of the deal. That’s right, I’m going the conspiracy route. (ej)You know, EJ, that is not a bad theory. Or, she may have some incredibly heart-breaking story about her charity that has compelled her to take this opportunity. The cherry on top would be grist for the mill for either a sitcom or a book. I can only imagine some of the prima donna stuff we don’t get to see, considering what is shown. Either way, it will nice to see the original inspiration for Elaine Benes on my TV in any capacity. (mw)
Selita Ebanks — Here are a list of things I can verify about Selita Ebanks: She is very pretty. She was on an episode of How I Met Your Mother. It takes very little effort to find pictures of her in her underwear using Google Image. That’s all I’ve got. And now I’ll just nervously wait for Trump to go all pervy on her. (ej)What EJ said. Oddly enough, when I was first typing her name onto this list, I stuck a “U” after the “E” in Ebanks and was wondering how she was related to Bob. This is how little we at spunkybean know about Selita Ebanks. (mw)
Maria Kanellis — Our second contestant from the world of professional wrestling, Maria looks much better in a rhinestone bra than Goldberg does. She actually has a reputation for being a good deal brighter than the average WWE Diva, and she also
does not seem to suffer from Dude Face, which afflicts so many of them. She’s been on both Project Runway and Attack of the Show, so her appearance here just puts her Simpsons guest-voice away from ascending to my own personal pantheon. It remains to be seen whether Trump will be all weird and inappropriate with a woman who has her own finishing move. I’m guessing he will. (ej)
does not seem to suffer from Dude Face, which afflicts so many of them. She’s been on both Project Runway and Attack of the Show, so her appearance here just puts her Simpsons guest-voice away from ascending to my own personal pantheon. It remains to be seen whether Trump will be all weird and inappropriate with a woman who has her own finishing move. I’m guessing he will. (ej) I was very surprised that Maria was a WWE Diva, since I was pretty sure we were talking about Maria CALLAS, the opera singer. Which would have been a really impressive casting coup for Trump, considering she died in 1977. Anywho…again, I know nothing about WWF or WWE or whatever it’s called, so I’ve never seen this woman in my life. Not even when she was on Project Runway. I remember that challenge, but she obviously made no impression. I do enjoy Attack of the Show from time to time, so that makes her cool with me. And anyone who can pull off a rhinestone bra gets my undying admiration. Those thing are itchy. (mw)
Michael Johnson — You know, when we do Snap Judgments, Myndi almost always takes any athlete (as well as musician under the age of 50) because she knows that I will have no idea who they are. But I know who Michael Johnson is! He used to be the fastest man alive, and he holds 
more world records than you can shake a stick at. More importantly, he seems to be a really decent person – he voluntarily returned one of his gold medals when it was revealed that one of the runners in the relay took performance enhancing drugs. He later turned out to be the only person on the team who wasn’t implicated. I can already tell I’m going to like him. I’m going to assume that Trump will have a man crush on him, so he should be around for a good long while. (ej)
more world records than you can shake a stick at. More importantly, he seems to be a really decent person – he voluntarily returned one of his gold medals when it was revealed that one of the runners in the relay took performance enhancing drugs. He later turned out to be the only person on the team who wasn’t implicated. I can already tell I’m going to like him. I’m going to assume that Trump will have a man crush on him, so he should be around for a good long while. (ej) Oh yeah, the man crush will be in full effect. Is it wrong that I hope he breaks out the gold sneakers at some point? Michael Johnson seems like a heck of a guy and like he would just be very inspiring. His teammates will probably like him a lot and it will be sort of a Trace Adkins thing where no one has a bad word at the end. Unless of course he’s more outspoken than I think he is and then every bit of speculation I have had to this point will become null & void. Wouldn’t be the first time for that! (mw)
Celebrity Apprentice begins this Sunday at 9 PM EST on NBC. And join us all season for surprisingly lengthy recaps. We’re going to have to work together to get through this.
