Celebrity Apprentice

Celebrity Apprentice Smackdown: Season Two Finale, Part One

Previously on Celebrity Apprentice: Andrew “Dice” Clay invented new ways in which to suck. Scott Hamilton failed to sell us on EEE. Tom Green partied with dotcom millionaires and their mysterious catdog. Claudia Jordan got mean way before the rest of the cast did. Dennis Rodman got jacked up on Russian Bitches and kidnapped a gay couple. T-Boz, like Jesus before her, volunteered for execution. Khloe Kardashian got liquored up before driving. Brian McKnight just stopped giving a damn. Natalie Gulbis finally contributed enough to a task to justify firing her. Herschel Walker proved that vegetarians don’t make the best chicken dinners. Melissa Rivers went poo-flinging crazy. Clint Black lost a songwriting competition. Brande Roderick turned out to not be dysfunctional enough for the finale. Jesse James was awesome but not enough of a whore. That left us with Annie Duke, Joan Rivers, and a whole lot of personal attacks and depressing lack of knowledge about the World War II era.
Trump enters the American Museum of Natural History, which seems awfully random. He sets up the conflict, and when he mentions “Joan Rivers”, the camera cuts to a dinosaur skull. When he mentions Annie Duke, we see the shark display. You just know they chose that venue solely to get a “Joan is a fossil” gag in there. (Subtle!–Myndi) Trump extols the virtues of both, saying he hasn’t made up his mind yet, which I don’t believe. This pre-recorded footage cuts to a live shot of Trump entering the auditorium to screaming fans, and I swear I am not kidding about this, dry ice-generated smoke. It’s like he’s Randy “The Ram” Robinson, only without the useful meat-slicing skills to fall back on.

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