Dancing with the Stars: Season 10, Performance Week 4
Their Tango starts with Anna on a chair, which is almost sure to irritate Len.They do some serious chair acrobatics, and it looks pretty fantastic.This seems like a really assured Tango – Evan really has the lead here, and he is moving all over the floor.It’s really interesting looking – it’s got a rhythm that you don’t usually see in the Tango but the moves are still intact.And man, I think Anna must be double jointed, because he is just bending her in two.I liked that one a lot!
Bruno says it’s spot-on, and is glad Evan worked on his feet.Carrie Ann calls it a perfect blend of artistry and technique.Len says they nailed the Viennese Crosses, and we even see footage of Evan properly leading with his heel, which is not something I’d notice in a million years.They get a 26 for technique and another 26 for performance, for a 52.Yay, Anna!I mean Evan.Yeah, that’s right.
Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough (50/60) – They had a really fun dance last night that angered Len because it wasn’t a proper Quick Step.It really was more of a freestyle, but it was a lot of fun to watch.They’re very goofy in rehearsal, with Derek talking about his “Love Hand”.Derek seems like a fun partner. Of course, he’s always paired up with people who are either hot, experienced dancers, or both.He’s like the king of this show.
It’s time to Rumba!She starts out slinking across the dance floor, and when they finally make contact, it’s very cool.She pinwheels across the floor, and there are all these flashy spins mixed with good holds and nice extensions.There’s a bit in the middle where it seemed like Derek lost track of her and it took some time to recover, but I might have misread it.It’s very solid but it doesn’t stand out the way their other dances have – traditionalism may not be her strong suit.I love how they’re both giggling as soon as the performance ends.
Bruno freaks out over how lovely Nicole is, but feels like she was too hesitant.Bruno comes out and says he wants more sex.Carrie Ann says she was nervous and feels like she was off her game.Len says her arm movements were too exaggerated, though she had a good mix of performance and technique.Brooke and Nicole bust on Derek in the interview, which is awesome.After all that half-hearted commentary, she gets a 25 for technique and a 25 for performance – a total of 50 is nothing to sneeze at.
Pamela Anderson and Damien Whitewood – Last week, everybody fell over themselves to talk about how great she was, but Len told her to refine her dance and not make her Rumba too raunchy.Damien focuses on technique, and you will not be surprised that Pam says this dance is all about sex.Holy God, Pam’s constant references to sex are mind-numbingly boring.We get it.Now, find a new facet to your personality.
And now we learn why she raunches it up.She walks very awkwardly.It’s this very weird dance where she seems bored.Her footwork is not great, and her only form of expression is to make sex faces.If she’s not arching her back or doing the splits, she doesn’t have much going for her at all.Even her hip action is nothing special.I’m really not impressed, though I like that she finally did a dance that didn’t come straight off the center stage at “Thanks For the Mammaries”.(Yes, if I owned a strip club, that’s what I would call it.)Honestly, though, I can’t tell if I really don’t like her dancing or if I’m just utterly bored with her one-note celebrity status.
Len loved her sophistication, which is not something you often hear.Bruno calls it elegant and refined, and they are totally playing a joke on me, right?Carrie Ann says something very profound happened, but also says her arms were strange.Seriously?Am I not getting it?And in her interview, she immediately starts talking about how badly she needs to get laid.Cripes.I’m just so bored with her and her “Tee hee, aren’t I naughty?” bit.It’s tired and pathetic and there is no way that really works on anyone, is there?She gets a 22 for technique and a 25 for performance, making a total of 47.We’re stuck with her for another week, aren’t we?
Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke (44/60) – Chad did better last week, but he’s still not wowing the judges and he has the posture of something created in lab and animated by lightning.In practice, Cheryl criticizes him for not using his brain, but then they get all giggly.Don’t turn this into a romance, Cheryl!
They’re dancing the Rumba, and it starts with Chad sitting on the steps, and then he walks across the floor to get to her.That’s a lot of time before he actually dances.He actually has some good moves, like a nice fast backwards step where he drags Cheryl.His arms aren’t great, but they seem a little better this time.Something about his footwork bothers me – he’s either covering distance or he’s standing still.I feel like there’s not nearly enough dancing.Still, it’s an improvement.He might just get there!
Carrie Ann says it’s his best dance yet.Len says he’s showing real improvement.Bruno credits Cheryl for his improvement and said he’s much more fluid this week.In the Celebriquarium, Cheryl shows off the ring he bought for her, and this is not a “Thanks for teaching me to dance” ring.Damn, that thing is big.He gets a 21 for technique, including his first 8 of the season.He gets a couple more in his performance score of 23, which gives him a total of 44.
Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (39/60) – Last week she got death threats and then danced in a blindfold.Len did not like her footwork last week, so that’s what they’re focusing on this time around.Oh man, she’s also having back problems, so they bring in a doctor.She is going to play through the pain!This season is basically convincing me that Erin Andrews can kick my ass.
Their dance is the Tango, and I love a good Tango.Erin starts out right behind Len, which ought to make him happy.Their Tango is gorgeous -I think she has really good lines most of the time, and it seems like they really did work on her footwork, with a couple of really showy moves early on.It looks like a traditional Tango, but I think that’s for the best after the crankiness last week.The dance ends with Erin bent backwards over the Judge’s table, and I really thought the whole thing was pretty awesome.
Len thought it was very good and that it was a proper tango.He liked her aggression, but still thinks she takes too many toe leads.Bruno thinks she started really well but lost it, and I don’t know what he’s talking about.Carrie Ann thinks he focus on technique hurt her performance.I really think she’s better than the judges give her credit for being.She gets an 18 for technique and a 21 for performance, with a total of 39.Damn, I liked it a lot better than that.
Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower – They were in the bottom two last week, despite Jake not being 80 years old or Kate Gosselin.He really seems committed to doing well this week, which I would find endearing if he weren’t the guy from The Bachelor.That puts such a d-bag stank on a guy that they can’t really come back from it.
They’re doing the Tango, and right away they’re very much in sync.They don’t fritter around with an introduction – they go into hold and start to Tango.This seems like a really traditional Tango to me, which is not a bad way to go – with double judge’s scores, impressing them can help with his lack of popular support.There is a really good move where they Tango up and then down the stairs without missing a step.But after that it gets all choppy, and he actually just falls at one point, tripping over his own foot.You can tell that he’s just glad it’s over.This dance is not going to save him.
Len says it fell apart towards the end, but really liked their approach.Bruno says it was messy and he lost his posture.Carrie Ann liked his attitude and his performance.He gets a 19 for technique and another 19 for performance.38 is not bad, but it’s a ways off from keeping him safe.
Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel (36/60) – Louis visits her on the set of Clean House, which is kind of awesome, especially since he doesn’t want to clean.He wants to use the Rumba to invoke her brother, Michael, who died 17 years ago.Poor Niecy – last week was really hard for her, and I think this could be really emotional, too.She keeps making me sad, which is not an emotion I usually associate with Raineesha Williams.
The Rumba is a hard dance for me to get a bead on – I can never tell if it’s supposed to be sexy or elegant, but they go with elegant here.It’s really kind of beautiful, and it’s surprising that Niecy is so good with the slow numbers.Her dress gets up in her face at one point, but she powers through.There’s maybe an awkward hold, but it might have been a conscious choice.You know what?This dance was really emotional, but subtle about it.That might hurt her, because you can’t point to anything as being specifically awesome.This is not something I thought Niecy had in her, and if she cries I am going to lose it.
Len loved her musicality and thought she needs more hip action.Bruno thought it lacked color and says it didn’t gel.Carrie Ann thought it was a lovely tribute, but she didn’t express her emotions in the dance.You know, I think I like Niecy better than the judges because of my Reno 911! Addiction.She will always hold a place in my heart.She gets an 18 in technique and another 18 for performance, giving her 36.I like everybody better than the judges this week, but it seems like Niecy’s got the audience behind her.
Aiden Turner and Edyta Sliwinska (33/60) – OK, my DVR flaked out here and froze during their training footage, and then it picks up just before the dance begins.So I don’t know what they did in training, so I’ll just mention that Tom keeps saying that Aiden hasn’t impressed the judges yet.Dude’s working from a deficit!
They are bringing us a Rumba, and they start off on opposite ends of the floor.Aiden is not very good at approaching her – it’s an awkward walk.He’s not doing anything badly, but all of the impressive moves are Edyta using him as a frame.Aiden doesn’t actually to much individually, and he seriously muffs a hold where Edyta has to send out a search party to find his hand.Watching it again, his feet don’t move that much over the course of the song.It’s not bad as such, but he’s already getting outclassed.
Carrie Ann says he’s getting more comfortable, but his technique is not good and his movement is generated from his shoulders.Len says there was no flow to his performance.Bruno compliments his “Blue Steel”, which makes me happy.He compares his dancing to Ray Harryhausen stop-motion, so that’s a reference to both Zoolander and an animation pioneer in one critique.Bruno is my judge of the night!Aiden gets a 15 for technique and an 18 for performance, that’s a 33 total.
Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani (32/60) – Oh, man.Last week she was weird and awkward and it just was not any kind of good.You will not be surprised that she keeps questioning Tony and at one point, she’s lecturing him about how hard her life is.Tony looks like he just wants somebody to put him out of his misery.Kate cries more and talks about how everybody has an advantage over her, including Jake.Yes, his time on reality TV qualifies him as a performer much more than your… time on reality TV.Kate says she pities Tony, and I’m with her there.Maybe we should chip in to get her a “Free Tony” shirt.Actually, that would be awesome, now that I think about it.
They’re doing the Tango, and they actually start out in hold.Kate goes into that mode where her face has no expression whatsoever, and Tony starts dragging her across the floor.I actually think it’s her best dance so far, but that’s not a high bar to clear.Basically, she goes where Tony leads and occasionally steps on his feet.Everything about the dance that gets a reaction comes from Tony, while she’s stiff and seems like she hates dancing.Seriously, she could not look more blank.She’s at least moved beyond “hilariously bad” into just “not good”.
Bruno is excited that she actually danced this week, but her technique was still “very, very bad”.Carrie Ann is proud of her determination, but says she doesn’t have any artistry.Len calls it her best dance so far, and Tom calls that “three positive reviews”.Well, if a review that contains the phrase “very, very bad” can be considered “positive”.She gets a 14 for technique and an 18 for performance, for a total of 32.
You know what?I don’t even know what the voters are thinking.For all I can guess, they might send Len home tomorrow.Myndi will guide you through it all, though.And remember to check out Tom Bergeron on Castle as a talk show host who gets murdered.Does Kenny Mayne have an alibi?
