Dancing with the Stars – Season 10, Performance Week 6
Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough (26/30) – Last week, they had a near-perfect 29. She’s very excited about the Samba this week, but it turns out, she was thinking of the Salsa. Hee. I feel like the Samba would be squarely in her wheelhouse, but she’s having trouble with it. I mean, she’s really having a hard time. She does a Tarzan yell at one point, which is just odd. Derek tell her that she’s being overdramatic, and it seems like she’s concerned about camera angles and Derek thinks she’s crazy.
They start off with this explosion of energy, and it turns out to be a really good Samba. She’s nailing her extensions, her hips are fantastic, and she’s good both in and out of hold. There’s actually something that looks awkward in the middle, but I think that’s just an actual Samba move. (I am not an expert on things!) Her footwork and rhythm are great. That was a darn fine dance, folks!
Carrie Ann talks like a crazy lady and says she can’t even give them constructive criticism anymore. Len says that Carrie Ann is misinformed (“and should be chloroformed”) and says that while the energy level was great, there were some ugly lines. He says he’s looking for something very specific that I can’t spell, and it wasn’t there. Bruno gushes praise and says something about “dribbling with desire”. Bruno can take just about anything to a weird place. She gets a 26, including a 10 from Bruno and a 7 from Len.
Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (25/30) – I know a lot of people are not digging the way Erin and Maks bicker, but it cracks me up. She says it’s hard to keep up with Maks, and then he says her problem is that she’s trying too hard. She overanalyzes it, which Maks says is affecting her health. He says he’s going to be institutionalized after this season. Hey, he can bunk with Tony! That guy’s going to need some hard core therapy.
They’re doing the Samba, and Erin is wearing an outfit that, on top, makes her look like the purple version of Poison Ivy. On the bottom, she is wearing an ostrich pelt. But it’s nice and swirly, which fits the Samba well. Actually, it’s either accentuating or hiding her hip movement, and I can’t tell which. They have some really good bits while they’re in hold, but when they break contact, it looks like she’s approximating what she thinks the moves should be. Meanwhile, Maks takes his shirt off completely and they end with some more nice holds. I always feel like she’s just on the edge of being really good, but it never quite gets there.
Len tells her right off that he’s given her a 7 every week, and he’s going to do it again this week, because she’s not living up to her potential. Len’s tired of all the gimmicks, but Maks just plays to the crowd. Oooh, I think we have another fight brewing. Remember when Tony and Carrie Ann got into it just about every week? I think Maks and Len are headed there. Bruno liked it much better, and says her arm placement has greatly improved. Carrie Ann says she nailed it, and Len gives her a look of pure disgust. Hee. She gets a 25, including that 7 Len promised.
Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke (24/30) – Last week, they didn’t do so well. Chad doesn’t help matters when he complains that “The judges are judging by what they see, I’m judging by how I feel”. One guess which is the more accurate barometer of the performance… He and Cheryl go to the Bengals Draft Party, and the people of Cincinnati freak out. Man, I knew Chad was from Cincinnati. He has a Cincinnati way about him. He’s less obsessively flirty this week, which is a step up. He also says that he’s “Just 85 steps away from becoming a ballroom champion”. Is that his thing now? Does he reference “85” all the time? There’s a fine line between “quirky” and “Batman villain”, and Chad just crossed it.
They’re doing the Argentine Tango, and I am a sucker for a tango. He takes advantage of the legal lifts and carries Cheryl across the floor. There’s more passion in this dance than we’ve seen from him so far, and his awkward posture seems to be going away. I will say that there are points where he’s nothing but a frame for Cheryl, but the parts where he’s moving are surprisingly good. I think this is his best dance.
Bruno loves it, he calls him “strong” and “demented”. He says that Chad finally proved he can dance. Carrie Ann says he nailed it. Len says that he “grew”. Wow, Carrie Ann and Len didn’t get much time there. He gets a 24, and while I’m not his biggest fan, I think he deserved it this week. This week, he was less irritating, and he danced better. That can’t be a coincidence.
Pamela Anderson and Damien Whitewood (22/30) – Pam was in the bottom two last week, despite her scores. I think she’s really rubbing people the wrong way, and it’s unfortunate, because she’s dancing better than I would have expected. Damien says it bothers her to be in the bottom two, even though she won’t admit it. They’re really having trouble with their lifts, which doesn’t bode well for the Swing competition.
Their dance is the Argentine Tango, and Pam’s wearing a brunette wig that actually makes her look a little like Lisa Rinna. They open with a really complicated lift that they execute really well. Like many of her dances, there’s not as much footwork as you’d expect – it’s all arched backs and stripper stretches. Although I have to say this dance has much more content than anything we’ve seen her do before. And the Tango does lend itself to her usual act. I thought this was really pretty good – it makes me wish she weren’t so irritating for the rest of the show. I find it hard to be really impressed when you’re just waiting for her to make an inappropriate reference to her sex tape, you know?
Len said she had the flavor of the dance, but it was a bit ragged. Bruno loves it, but you expect that from him at this point. (Tom: “You know, Bruno, sometimes you’re just weird.”) Carrie Ann thought it was sexy but she needs to work on her technique, especially in her legs. And sure enough, in her interview, Pam says she loves to be on top, which only barely works as an answer to Brooke’s question. Oh, for crying out loud… She gets a 22, with the extra point coming from Bruno. Of course.
Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower (21/30) – He got the encore dance last week and made it to 3rd place on the leaderboard. Chelsie takes him to a Samba club, and we see him dressed like a Flamenco Muppet. Hee. He reminds us that he’s not as good as Evan or Nicole. Good thing he pointed that out, right? They’re getting frustrated with each other this week, but that’s about it. There are no meltdowns, so clearly he’s not angling to be the next Kate.
He looks really stiff when he walks, at least to me. He’s trying to do some kind of stance, but it just looks awkward. His hip action is surprisingly good, though. Jake makes some crazy dance faces, but he’s really consistent throughout. Since this is Jake, he’s got one noticeable misstep when he just bangs in to the stairs leading to the judge’s table. It’s not great – there just isn’t much flair in his movements and the actual dance isn’t memorable. It’s not bad, but you’re not going to talk about it at work tomorrow.
Len says he was more polished and confident, and he points out the mistake he made on the steps. Bruno thought it lacked rhythm and bounds and says he didn’t “wiggle correctly”. You guys? Thirty-five years ago, Bruno would totally have been the Center Square. Carrie Ann is glad that he keeps reaching, but says he needs to connect with the music. Brooke is kind enough to show us the replay of him running into the steps, and I like that they do this now. (Tom calls it “Salt in the wounds slow motion”. Hee.) It’s an old-fashioned winner-winner-chicken-dinner with a score of 21.
Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya (21/30) – These two clown around in rehearsal, and Anna saying “Ain’t no pressure on me, boy” is awesome. We see them shaking their booties, and somebody in the audience hoots. It could have been for either of them, really, but I’m awarding the catcall to Anna. They work on his hip action, and he is not very good in the footage that we see. They also practice their Swing Dance, and Anna flips him onto the mat and he bangs his head really hard. They actually go to a doctor, and it turns out that he has a mild concussion, but the doctor clears him to dance. Two broken toes and a concussion so far. Evan’s going to come to the finale on crutches if this keeps up.
Their Samba is high-energy, and Evan’s hip action has improved notably. They break hold a lot, which indicates a certain level of confidence in his abilities. There are some really broad movements – Evan almost looks like a cartoon at some points. That dude has some crazy long limbs. This was a really cool dance – broad and fun. Sometimes it looks like his feet aren’t pointing where they need to, but all in all, I liked it a whole lot. Just from what we’ve seen in the past, this doesn’t look like a Samba to me, but I enjoyed it.
Bruno thinks his extensions weren’t appropriate for the Samba, but acknowledges it was “pretty to look at”. Carrie Ann though he lost the battle with the Samba and it didn’t come together. Len leads by saying “I don’t want to be nasty” and then calls it his worst dance. Yikes. He still gets a 21, which is his lowest score yet, though several contestants would be thrilled with that score. Remember, vote for Evan this week. If he’s eliminated, Anna doesn’t come to Grand Rapids! (I’m not going to the Stars on Ice show or anything, but I just feel like the city will be noticeably prettier.)
Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel (21/30) – Last week, Len mentioned Niecy’s “bazookas”. This week, they’re doing a “comedy Argentine Tango”, and I can’t imagine a better time to break out the Raineesha Williams pants. Louis plans to emphasize her technical abilities this week, and this is followed by a montage of her accidentally kicking him. Hee.
To open the dance, Niecy takes a rose from Louis and eats part of it. They actually have some really nice turns, which ends with Louis pretending he got kneed in the crotch. I don’t know how Len’s going to go for that. At one point, she gets her ankle up on Louis’ shoulder and then leans way back – extensions aren’t usually her strong point, but she’s rocking them this week. And in a really neat final move, Louis pulls a cookie out of his jacket – she reaches for it but he holds it away and she slides to the ground. He then eats the cookie contemptuously and I laugh much harder than I probably should.
It looks like Louie horks some cookie on the floor behind Tom – yeah, he bit off a little much there. Carrie Ann says it’s nice to see her actually dancing and loves her new attitude. Len liked the comedy, and thought it didn’t interfere with the performance. Hey, I wouldn’t have expected that. Bruno makes a weird joke about Niecy eating… his genitals… I didn’t get that, and I don’t want to rewind in case I was right. Niecy gets yet another 21, which is the score of the night. Tom even says the show is sponsored by the “7” paddle.
Swing Dance Marathon: The rules are simple: Everybody’s out there dancing, and the judges periodically eliminate the worst couple. Last couple standing gets 10 points, and if you challenge somebody to a dance-off and lose, you have to dance with a keg around your neck for the rest of the night. No, that last one was from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Still, they should look into implementing it.
The rehearsal footage is funny, with a lot of botched lifts. At one point, Nicole cries out “Holy Mother of Sweet Baby Air”, and I have no idea what that means, but it’s awesome.
It’s kind of chaotic, since the camera is all over the place, and they don’t necessarily land on the couple doing the coolest thing at any given time. First out are Jake and Chelsie, who end up with 4 points. Chad takes off his shirt, Louis lifts Niecy in a funny bit, but they’re eliminated and collect their 5 points. Evan spins Anna all over the place, but they’re eliminated for 6. NOOOO! Derek spins an upside-down Nicole, while Chad and Cheryl are eliminated with a 7. Pamela and Damien are the next ones out, and they collect their 8. Nicole pushes Maks while she’s upside-down, and then Erin and Maks are eliminated, which means Derek and Nicole take first, surprising nobody.
All right, here are the final standings:
Nicole – 36
Erin – 34
Chad – 31
Pamela – 30
Evan – 27
Niecy – 26
Jake – 25
All right, remember to vote for Anna! That’s right, I’m abusing my position as a recapper.
I’m predicting Jake and Pamela in the bottom two, since they don’t seem to be audience favorites, but this season’s been awfully weird. Myndi will be here to shepherd you though the confusing world of the results show. Remember – leave only footprints, take only pictures.
