Jason and Edyta are starting with the Foxtrot (28 of 30). By the way, I am assured that she is even more beautiful in person. In their clips, Edyta conducts a chalk talk and really flexes her acting muscles, telling Jason to get his ass up and bandying about terms like “blitz” and “sack” in regard to the competition. I’m guessing this is turning a lot of guys on right now. Dan Marino (or, as I like to call him, “that guy from Ace Ventura“) even shows up on screen to tell Jason not to come back to Miami without the disco ball. Well, Dan, it’s not like you’ve ever come back to South Florida empty handed or anything, right?
By Edyta’s standards, this dress is winter wear, as she’s mostly covered. As usual, Jason’s lines and posture are impeccable, but it’s really his showmanship and performance of the routine overall that stand out. He’s really got a surplus of personality here. Bruno comments on the grace and showmanship, while Carrie Ann mentions the charisma and increased content. Backstage, Samantha highlights his “sweet friendship” with Cristian. Everyone giggles, because they’re all twelve.
The Paso Doble (27 of 30) is up next. Len, visiting all four contestants in his limo, taught Jason a step called The Salvador, which he feels will help Jason add aggression and attack to his dance. It seems to work. The dance is sharp and a little angry, with a lot less posing and standing still than the last incarnation. Bruno calls him Ironman. Carrie Ann again applauds the content and Len liked the attack Jason supplied. Backstage, Jason vows to lower gas prices and taxes, create universal healthcare and bring the soldiers home. No, really, he does. I’m pretty sure he was kidding, especially since all of those things are practically fairy tales at this point.
Tony and Marissa begin this week with the Quickstep (26 of 30). During rehearsal, Tony’s first partner of the series, one Stacy Keibler, happens by to joke with Marissa about how unattractive Tony is to them. Marissa says that she’s dancing this week for everyone that believed in her. The dance is well done, and they really look great overall. Bruno points out that they missed a jete, which, is that like Jean Nate afterbath splash? I used to love that perfume in eighth grade. Len points out how tough the quickstep is technically, and congratulates Marissa for doing it well.
For their Rumba (26 of 30) Len comes to help Marissa work on her cucarachas. Sounds pretty personal to me. Tony joins in and they’ve got a train going. The dance is an improvement this time as far as the sexiness, but nothing will ever change the fact that not much happens in a Rumba. It’s the sleeping pill of Latin Dance. Marissa is deservedly proud of herself when they finish, but again devestated by Carrie Ann’s criticism that it was boring. Buck up, little camper! Your best buddy Lucy Lawless is there to cheer you up. (sidebar: she totally danced with my friend at the DWTS party last week!) Len points out her precision, saying that’s the only real exciting thing about the rumba. Bruno is also complimentary, but Carrie Ann actually cuts him off to rub salt in Marissa’s wounds. Despite the criticisms, Marissa is insanely upbeat backstage, as she thanks her fans and shills for votes.
Cristian and Cheryl kick things off with a Viennese Waltz (27 of 30) to “Satellite” by Dave Matthews band, which has clearly inspired Cheryl’s dress. Wow, that thing is atrocious! So much so that even Tom rips on it! The dance itself is elegant and lovely, and there are what I’m going to call some faux lifts in there, where Cheryl drags her toes across the floor. Hey, Emmitt Smith, you’re a week late, Champ, but thanks for the effort! Carrie Anne likes how Cristian picks up steam in each routine. Len compliments the better contents and steps this time out, while Bruno says there was a wow factor.
For his meeting with the DANCMSTR, Cristian is coached on how to improve his running promenades for the dreaded Samba (29 of 30) he must dance next. Crisitan makes me love him by imitating Len’s “Seven!” after he screws up. As they begin the dance, I take a deep breath. I needn’t have worried. This is HOT–or shall I say, muy caliente? There’s crazy hip shaking, a great dip at the end and highly gratuitous but much appreciated shirtlessness by Cristian throughout. He’s like a different guy since he essentially lost an arm! Len thinks his injury focused him, and can only say that he felt the dance was a bit flat-footed. Well, I wasn’t looking there, so I have to take his word for it. Bruno says that Cristian versus the Samba was the rematch of the century (well, the century is young, so, OK.) and that it was fun. Carrie Ann says he reminded her of Emmitt, who gives Cristian a “I’m lookin’ at you” gesture from his seat. Backstage, Cristian revels in his scores, while Cheryl hugs him like he’s going to flee. He pleads for votes in Spanish, and I suddenly feel like Morticia Adams when Gomez spoke French. Really, he’s just so cute.
Kristi is ready to reclaim the top spot on the leaderboard, so she and Mark go to a “high level” dance class for pointers on improving her emotion in the Tango (29 of 30). At one point, the dancers are surrounding little Kristi, in a scene which is eerily reminiscent of that scene in Zoolander involving Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Christine Taylor and a midget. Their dance is precise as ever, and it’s certainly more dramatic and emotional, but is there really supposed to be smiling in a tango? Also, Mark has on spats that match Kristi’s red dress. Fancy! The judges have somewhat varied reactions, but Bruno applauds the footwork, while Carrie Ann almost loses her dress as she welcomes Kristy back to the top. Len feels the dance was a bit “hectic”, whatever that means in this context. Bruno loses his mind at this, while Len makes fun of his hair.
For the Jive (28 of 30), Kristi learned a nifty little step from Len called the “Arkansas Pull Through” that’s basically a spin followed by just what the name suggests. Len is still rather spry, and would be a great teacher, I think. Sure, he’d throw in a lot of nonsense words and such, but it’d be fun to try and crack the code. They’re dancing to “Nutbush City Limits”. Kristi is wearing a dress that makes her look like that bubble gum ice cream from Baskin Robbins while Mark is wearing a spangly jacket and, again, matching pink spats, that I think might get him beat up in Nutbush. It’s an intricate and fun routine. Bruno goes with the ice cream analogy while Carrie Ann and Len both admire the ambitiousness of the choreography but feel the timing was just slightly off. Bruno seethes quietly.
Here’s a list of the standings:
Kristi and Mark–57 of 60
Crisitan and Cheryl–56 of 60
Jason and Edyta–55 of 60
Marissa and Tony–52 of 60
Marissa should really go home tomorrow, as she’s just not up to the caliber of the others. But, anything can happen. Come back tomorrow when EJ discusses a dance tribute to Thriller and tiny dancers, literally. Junior couples dance for your votes! See you then!
