Dancing With the Stars: Week 5 Performances (April 6)
Gilles Marini and Cheryl (29/30) Tom points out that the last star to score a perfect 30 in week 4 was Sabrina Bryan in Season 5 (who happens to be in the ballroom) and then reminds us she was eliminated week 6. Nice, Tom. The thing is, she was a Disney star with no sex appeal to the cougars who are this show’s core audience and her partner, Mark, was a newbie that season. Gilles is cougar bait at its finest and Cheryl has her own fanbase, which includes me after she worked me out this weekend with the Dancing With the Stars Latin Cardio DVD I just bought. You think I’m kidding. To make Gilles even cuter, he brings his son to the martial arts training session he and Cheryl do to help work on their Paso. He starts off shirtless, until Cheryl brings him a bolero jacket, unfortunately. They are flawless and mesmerizing. Seriously, a murder could have taken place in front of the screen, and I might not have noticed. His footwork is amazing. Carrie Ann feels they bring out the heart and soul of the dance. Len found it hectic in places and is concerned about Gilles being shirtless, which Tom says is “pec envy”. Bruno freaks out predictably.
Shawn Johnson and Mark (26/30) Shawn is bummed the judges didn’t like her floor exercise, er, Lindy Hop, last week. She feels klutzy learning the Waltz. Her persistence in rehearsal paid off in a truly lovely dance. And they have more chemistry than Julianne and Chuck. Carrie Ann is so charmed, she even gives them a pass on their second lift, as it was “artistic”. Wow, that has to be a first, huh? (How I wish they would have cut to a shot of Tony at that moment. He’s been fighting her on lifts for about four seasons now. – EJ) Len felt it was “lyrical”, but says there was an issue with Shawn not stepping forward on her heels during the dance, which is a very technical point, so that means he thinks she’s a good dancer. Bruno corrects her shoulders, which is another techical thing, so, they want her to go far.
Lil’ Kim and Derek (26/30) Lil Kim shot a video this week with Quincy Jones? Maybe? He looked a little like Mickey Rourke, too, which was weird. Anyway, she was very frustrated in rehearsal and is worried about how the waltz will go. I didn’t think it was as dreamy as Shawn and Mark’s, but it was well done and certainly entertaining. Carrie Ann gushes over their chemistry and Len thought it was “floaty”, but he feels like a podiatrist because he’s always looking at her feet and wanted more content. Bruno thinks she made the waltz look “sassy”. They are all very complimetary of the partnership, which I can’t quibble with. I still don’t know what a buddha board is, however, which Kim kept referring to. Anyone? (It’s probably prison slang. – EJ)
Melissa Rycroft and Tony (25/30) Melissa’s cheerleading background and overall happy demeanor make it tough for her to stay in character throughout the Paso. Len says she made some mistakes, but I didn’t really see them. Bruno gives her kudos for the difficulty of the routine, and agrees there were some mistakes, but that she did a good job overall. Carrie Ann gives her credit for challenging herself with the choreograpy but says she “couldn’t get her feet under her”. Even with all that criticism, they got a top notch score, based on the difficulty.
Chuck Wicks and Julianne (23/30) Chuck is clearly having a hard time really “letting go” and exposing any true emotion, which is all the more puzzling, since he’s dancing with his actual girlfriend. The waltz is fine, but I’ve seen more passion from other couples who weren’t dating. Len feels he needs more finesse with his footwork, but that he’s doing better. Bruno thinks Chuck was in command and really performed. He’s concerned about his confidence. Carrie Ann is the voice of dissent, but she doesn’t have anything much to say, other than he should be more confident. Samantha asks if going down on bended knee at the end of the dance meant anything and Chuck’s answers simply, “No”. (Thank God Samantha got her voice back in time to make everybody really uncomfortable. – EJ) He also admits they spent the week in Vegas while rehearsing, which…isn’t Julianne Mormon? For shame!
David Alan Grier and Kym (22/30) DAG wants to bribe the judges in order to do better. It’s a joke, of course, but he seems very serious about wanting to be a contender. He started with a face so serious, I actually needed the announcer to remind me they were doing a Waltz and not a Paso. The red and black costumes also threw me. I’m easily distracted. Their dances always seem to sort of whiz by without much content. Bruno compares the poor guy to a dog peeing on a lamp post. (That’s what I love about Bruno. His professionalism. – EJ) Carrie Ann feels the couple are not moving in unison and she can’t get “lost in it”. Len is the most complimentary of the dance’s overall story. DAG looks very defeated during the criticism but lightens up with Samantha. He’s trying very hard, but just doesn’t have that intangible quality…but he got an 8 from Len!
Ty Murray and Chelsie (21/30) I love the way Ty says “Pas-o Doble”, first of all. He takes this opportunity to have her visit an actual bull. His moves in this dance are so robotic and stiff, it’s not enjoyable to me. At one point, I thought he might eat Chelsie’s face off. Bruno and Carrie Ann agree with me (though there is no mention of face eating). Len lets him down more gently, saying he is “Nuriyev” compared to week one. I’m guessing Ty has no idea that’s a ballet dancer, and when he finds that out, he’ll be sorta pissed.
Lawrence Taylor and Edyta (20/30) LT would be more comfortable if the music they were dancing to had words. He thinks the Paso is like “watching TV with the sound off”. Then, suddenly, Edyta shows him that he can use his old football skills to attack the bullfighter’s dance and LT like! LT smash! LT look like giant Hershey bar in his tight, tight brown suit! I still think he lumbered around most of the time, but sometimes, that works for this dance. Bruno said he started out “like a block of granite”, but that he finally got his feet moving at the end. Carrie Ann thinks he has a limited range of motion (right, because his clothes are way too tight!) Len was frightened by the intensity he showed, and says it was his best dance so far. LT’s friends apparently want lap dances, for some reason. (LT’s a weird dude. There’s no way around it. -EJ) That part confused me quite a bit, but Tom was able to make a punch line out of it.
Steve-O and Lacey (18/30) Steve-O is visited by his Jackass friends and well, all the 14 year old boys in the audience will enjoy that, I guess. He’s dressed as Marcel Marceu for their waltz. You can see him struggling to keep up with her in regard to his footwork. Len says it was his best (everything’s relative), and Bruno compliments his timing. Carrie Ann compliments the routine’s sweetness. What else can be said at this point?
Tomorrow, EJ will have to recap Etta James (who may insult the President and Beyonce again) and Demi Lovato, who I’m guessing he had no idea existed before tonight. (You know me so well… -EJ) Her past co-stars include Barney the Dinosaur and The Jonas Brothers, if that helps, buddy. I’m expecting an email.
