Julie Chen greets us with talk of “in crowds” and “out crowds”, “rumors and romance”. She promises a big twist, and makes a pregnancy joke,without mentioning that she’s the one with child. I’m not sure why; it’s not like she’s a sitcom character who will now have to be hidden behind care packages and big purses. She does this all while wearing something Harvey Fierstein would have turned down as “too over the top” for a revival of La Cage aux Folles.
We get the obligatory montage introducing the houseguests. Jordan is southern, Ronnie’s geeky, Jeff is a meathead and Natalie has no real camera presence while claiming to “pack a punch”. Kevin is flamboyant, Chima has book and street smarts. Braden says surfing is better than sex, so I’m pretty sure he’s doing it wrong. Michelle is a scientist who swirls a beaker and threatens to “mix things up”. Russell threatens us with bodily harm. Laura and her giant fake boobs refers to herself as a “sweet bitch”, annoying me instantly. Lydia is cute despite the tats, and Casey, the “old” guy, is trying very hard to be hip. Get used to that. Braden is bringing a stuffed elephant with him. Kevin scores points by coming out as anti-fake boobs. He and Laura will not be BFF. Lydia says she’ll hook up with a guy or a girl if necessary. Jordan repeatedly promises her friend “no booger” which is a truly disgusting euphemism for sex.
