Amazing Race

The Amazing Race – Bringing up the Rear: Season 13, Episode 7 (Oct 31)

Previously on The Amazing Race: Frankly, we’re still having a hard time talking about the elimination of spunky-Buddies Mark and Bill, or anything adjacent to said elimination. Let’s just start fresh this week, shall we?

Phil introduces us to the New Zealand Pit Stop, which is full of sheep. There’s also a cool dog who looks right at the camera. He knows he’s got star quality! Ken and Tina came in first, and won a free trip. Considering they’ve said the Race is make or break for their relationship, that will either be really cool or hella awkward.

The clue sends them to a pumping station in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Ken gets in the wrong side of the car, and in an interview, refers to Tina as an “old lady”. Tina is so not amused by this. Hee.

Terence and Sarah depart two hours later – the sun has come up since Ken and Tina left, which is pretty visually jarring. It makes them look much farther ahead than they are. They are both crazy excited about Cambodia, and Terence tells us that they keep getting stronger. I hope they’re not getting stronger by consuming the eliminated teams, like in Ravenous.

At a travel agent in the airport, Tina asks for “the fastest booker”, and from the looks on their faces, you know that’s a sore point. I assume they’ve spent serious time fighting over that one.

Next to leave are Kelly and Christy, Team Sports Bra! They might actually be my favorite team right now, because of all the spunk. They were the only ones who didn’t piss and moan like mashing kiwis compared to the Bataan Death March last week. Unfortunately, in an interview, they tell us how intelligent they are. When somebody does that, it always means they’re going to make a silly mistake over the course of the episode.

Ken and Tina get the best flight, with only one connection. Terence, on the other hand, gets pulled over. The officer is very friendly, but he was speeding. Editing makes it look like it was nothing more than a minor scolding, though. Sarah immediately says that she always thought Terence was a slow driver, which is exactly what a friend said last time I got a ticket. Thus, funny.

Toni and Dallas leave next. Toni doubts her ability to come up with young people. Dallas is wearing sunglasses that he apparently stole from a Shadowrun game. Remember, Dallas, you have to dismantle the cortex bomb first!

At the travel agent, Terence and Sarah try to retrace Ken and Tina’s steps, but the flight may be closed. Back at the Pit Stop, Nick and Starr leave. You guys, Starr is really pretty. Her arm is not broken after all, but she assure us that it hurts. Terence and Sarah get tickets on the good flight and sprint through the airport. Because that doesn’t look suspicious at all. Ken and Tina are quite happy with their flight, and are irritated when the others show up. Tina has to work on that poker face.

Andrew and Dan leave next. Andrew explains that this is a “turning point” in his relationship with Dan. Are dudes supposed to have turning points? Dan makes fun of Andrew for being ill-educated, and Andrew tells us Dan is wacky. Never trust anybody described as “wacky”. I’m naming them Team Eeyore, because they always seem so put upon. They’re very fatalistic racers.

Team Sports Bra hits the travel agent. By this time, the good flight is filled up, so they start booking the next flight. Toni and Dallas show up shortly thereafter, and one of the girls points out that Dallas has Teen Wolf hair. Hee. She actually has a point there. Maybe save it until he’s not in the room, since they giggle noticeably.

Dallas says they “irk his nerve” and he wonders what they look like when they don’t put their makeup on. Wait, what? Weird tension out of seemingly nowhere! Also, Team SB aren’t really overly made-up like so many pretty girl teams we’ve seen in the past. You can always tell, because they start to fall apart right around the third leg. Dallas and I will agree to disagree. As Team SB leaves, they call the other team “Teen Wolf and Wolf Mother”. I believe we’ll be calling them Team Wolf Too. Thanks, Kelly!

Finally, Aja and Ty leave the Pit Stop. Aja says they’re going to try to respect one another. Hey, Aja is wearing a Michigan shirt! Big ups to the mitten! Anyway, Ty says he wouldn’t trade her for a Porsche, and she thinks that’s as weirdly specific as I do. Dude’s been thinking about it. Ty wants to see Dan’s face when they catch up to him. I imagine his expression will be sour. Much like it is at all other times. When Dan finds out they can get on a flight with the other teams, he does a happy dance which stops instantly when the booker tells him there may not be seats left. Hee. They’re told there’s no chance of getting on the flight.

Team Eeyore heads to the ticket counter, just in case, and they actually score seats. They are overjoyed, though it’s hard to tell. Aja and Ty get on an even later flight. At a connection in Singapore, everybody but Team Soon to Be Eliminated catches up. Naturally, Ty and Aja decide it’s time to talk about their relationship. She actually says some very sweet things about him in an interview, in which she’s wearing yet another Michigan shirt. Aja is to Michigan as EJ is to Venture Bros. apparently.

The big group lands in Cambodia and it’s a mad taxi scramble. The other teams laugh at Team Eeyore, who can’t find a cab. Team Sports Bra gets a driver who does not inspire confidence, as he brings them to a random gas station. They give it a go, finding a bathroom where they expected a clue box. Team Wolf Too ends up at a hotel, which is totally not what they wanted.

At the filling station, they have to hand pump gasoline to fuel a truck that will take them to the next step. Nick and Starr finish before anybody else even gets there. The truck will take them to boats, which will then take them to a floating restaurant. The driver is wearing a motorcycle helmet, while the passengers sit in the back without protection. That would unnerve me. A whole mess of other teams show up and they start cranking. Team Eeyore can’t make it work, though the fact that their pumping style could be referred to as “lackadaisical” may have something to do with it.

Team Wolf too finishes as Team SB finally finds the clue box. Team Eeyore decides to stop pumping and poll the other team as to how it works. Ken and Tina finish up, as do Terence and Sarah. Right at this point, Aja and Ty land in Cambodia. Team Sports Bra finishes – remember, they got lost and still managed to fill their truck before Dan and Andrew managed a single drop. Meanwhile, Aja describes the weather as “hotter than Satan’s toenails”. Ha!

Eeyore realizes that the secret to pumping is to turn the crank, you know, fast. Nick and Starr consider laying booby traps for the other teams. Hee. They’re totally supervillains in my Amazing Race fanfic. Sarah is so freaking giddy to be riding in the back of a truck, and they pass Ken and Tina, then pass Team Wolf Too. Their driver is nuts! As Team Eeyore finishes, Aja and Ty arrive at the filling station. The drivers waiting around while wearing their motorcycle helmets are needlessly menacing.

Nick and Starr’s driver seemingly gets lost, only since everybody’s on the same road, it appears that they’re actually just impatient. While they stop to hassle a peasant, three teams pass them. Still, the first four teams hit the boats at about the same time. There’s a lot of passing going on in this segment. The most notable part is Tina’s epithet “Gosh darn it, turkey lips!”

Aja and Ty finish the task and get in the truck. Team Sports Bra gets to their boat, and they get a glimpse of poverty up close. The other teams were pretty much focused on passing one another, but the girls end up crossing the path of some bedraggled looking kids, several of whom seem to be floating in washtubs. Team Eeyore does not notice any of this, because they’re focused on being behind.

Terence and Sarah’s boat pulls up lame, and Terence goes crazy and starts rowing with a pole. That can’t be easy! I admire the way he charged into action, though. Several teams pass them, but, you know, they have motors. Terence is frustrated, which makes sense given that the guy piloting the boat has given up on fixing it and is watching Terence row.

Phil shows up to explain the Detour: Village Life or Village Work. In Village Life, they take their boat around a floating town to get a set of teeth, a doll, and a basketball, and then each team member must make one basket. In Village Work, they search fishing traps to find two that are full and bring them in to the Commisar of Fish. (Not his actual title.) Nick and Starr and Team Wolf Too choose Village Work. Ken and Tina choose life, and Terence and Sarah are forced into inactivity by their boatlessness.

Team Sports Bra pays a lot of attention to the kids they see out in the water, Team Eeyore moans about how poorly they’re doing. That may have to be a macro. Dallas drops a Waterworld reference, which is the first time anybody has done that ever. Ken and Tina find the doll and teeth pretty quickly. Terence and Sarah’s boat kicks into action. Nick and Starr finish the task quickly, while Team Wolf Too tries to bring back an empty trap. Terence and Sarah find the floating basketball court (!) at about the same time Ken and Tina do, so they decide to switch tasks and do Village Life. Since they got it 1/3 finished by accident, that’s probably a smart move. Both teams finish making their baskets at about the same time, largely because Tina is the worst shot since, well, me.

Team SB finds the court and starts shooting baskets. Only, you know, they haven’t found the clue box yet so they don’t know what they’re supposed to be doing. This was where I thought it was over for them, actually. They get to the real clue box just after Team Eeyore.

Nick and Starr deliver their fish and get the clue – they have to take a hilarious motorcycle to Angkor Wat, where there are many very cool temples. Ken and Tina and Team Wolf Too finish their respective tasks next. From here it’s a mess of people working on their roadblocks, except for Aja and Ty who are still on the boat. In the funniest moment in the episode, the dentist points Team Sports Bra to the set of teeth they need, only it looks like he’s pointing at a patient. They are open-mouth horrified at the idea that they have to remove a woman’s teeth for a Detour. Even the dentist cracked up at that.

The temple is our Roadblock this week. One person must search “the largest religious structure in the world” for a small room called “The Chamber of Echoes”. They have to pound their chest to make it echo, and then collect an idol panel. Nick takes the Roadblock for his team, as do Tina and Dallas.

Team Sports Bra is very happy to pass Andrew. I assume that they don’t actually know Dan’s name. It is at this moment that I realize I’ve been calling Andrew “Aaron” for the entire time. Wait a minute while I search and replace…

Terence takes the Roadblock while everybody meanders around. Nick is the first to find the Chamber. And here, in a temple, he hides the idol face under his shirt, lies when he crosses paths with the other Racers, and even swears. Dude, you’ve angered like three different versions of God in the last ten seconds. He and Starr head to the next Pit Stop.

Tina has adopted the strategy of pounding her chest in random rooms and waiting for an echo. Both Dallas and Terence find the Chamber, and then Tina actually walks through the correct room while muttering “I must be blind.” Ah, Irony. Ken talks to the camera about how he should have taken the Roadblock as Team Sports Bra arrives. As much as I like them, I’m not clear on which is which yet – the redhead takes the Roadblock, though. (Always a problem with same-gender teams. Except for Charla and Mirna. No trouble remembering the names there!)

Finally, Tina finds the Chamber while Christy or Kelly finds a helpful young lady to lead her. Team SB gets on the round first, making up some ground this week.

Nick and Starr, you are Team Number One. They’ve won a Travelocity Trip! How many trips do you take with a sibling, by the way? I just now realized that they’re wearing hats that say “Spangler”. Is that their last name? Starr Spangler? Oy.

Dan describes the temple as “The original Playboy Mansion”. Um, yeah. Only, well, exactly the opposite of that thing you said. Andrew takes the Roadblock. At the Pit Stop, Team Wolf Too and Terence and Sarah are 2nd and 3rd, respectively.

Team Sports Bra and Ken and Tina get lost in the vicinity of the Pit Stop as Andrew finds the chamber and Ty takes the Roadblock. Tina and Ken are number four, while Sports Bra comes in at 5. They seem upset by this, and I’m not sure why. They had to know the best they could possibly do was fourth at this point. Still, yay!

Ty finds the Chamber, but they’re lagging significantly. Aja displays her third “Michigan” t-shirt of the week. These aren’t college-specific shirts, by the way. Each one just says the word “Michigan”. Now that’s regional pride!

Team Eeyore gets really lost by the Pit Stop, and of course, moans about it. Finally, they come in at number six. That means Aja and Ty, who are perfectly nice people, are eliminated.

Phil asks about the relationship, and Ty tells us he’s moving to LA to be with Aja. Wait a minute! She’s wearing all those Michigan shirts and she lives in LA? Madam, your torso has been lying to me all week and I must protest! Still, Awwwww. These two are adorable and I hope it works out for them.

In a postscript, Phil tells us that Terence and Sarah took a 30-minute time penalty for speeding, but it didn’t affect their standing this week. Bum ba BUM!

Next week: Dallas puts the moves on Starr. Tina lectures Ken, and Ken snaps. I do not approve of this Dallas / Starr thing. However, “Dallas Starr” would make a fantastic porn name.

If anybody has nicknames for the other teams, submit away. Best suggestion gets a hundred spunkybucks! (Please note, spunkybucks have no monetary value. Or any value of any kind.)

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