The Amazing Race – Bringing up the Rear: Season 13, Episode 8 (Nov 24)
At the hotel desk, the concierge looks into flight times while Dallas and Starr flirt. Dallas gets surprisingly goony, which is understandable. I get goony around Starr, and she’s only on my TV. Toni calls Dallas over to discuss flights, and that’s the end of that. Harsh, dude! Cockblocked by your mom! Anyway, they get the info and head to the airport for tickets. I’m not sure why they didn’t just head to the airport in the first place, but I’m sure their reasons were good.
Terence and Sarah leave next, and Terence is excited about opening the clue while Sarah is excited about Kazakhstan. They almost argue about having too much stuff, but Sarah shuts it down. I really like Sarah, I think. Ken and Tina set out for the airport as well. Team Eeyore finally leaves, and immediately busts out a Borat reference, proving my point above. (Of course, their idea of a “reference” is saying the name of the character. Come on, Eeyore, not even a quote?) Andrew is wearing a shirt that simply says “Girls”, which is hilarious to me. I like to think that was a gift. “Dude, I know how much you like girls, so when I saw this shirt, I thought of you.”
The other teams go straight to the airport. Ken and Tina get on the same flight as the first two teams. Terence and Sarah end up slightly later, and Team Eeyore ends up sucking hind teat on a flight running 90 minutes later. Unsurprisingly, Eeyore whines. Also, there are other words on Andrew’s shirt, but they’re hard to read at any angle other than straight on, due to the darker color. And now it’s less funny. However, I liked my earlier joke, and I’m sticking with it.
Now, I’m not sure why it’s a “Chicken Factory”. I would assume that chickens in Kazakhstan are made the old-fashioned way and not pumped out by a hydraulic press. Anyway, it’s closed for the night and that means everybody’s going to bunch up. That hasn’t happened much this season, actually. Team Eeyore gets there at the last minute, after much discussion of whether or not they’ll make it. You can guess what I was hoping…
There’s a mad dash to the clue box, and that takes us to the….
Roadblock
“Who’s Feeling Peckish?” One player from each team must search through a room of 30,000 chickens to find one of seven golden eggs. To imagine how many chickens that is, picture 30,000 of something. Now make that thing chickens.
By the way, there is a Fast Forward in the envelope. The Fast Forward requires you to take a taxi to a restaurant and eat a sheep’s ass. I mean, it’s served on a plate and all, but sheep butt is apparently a delicacy. Ew. Nick and Starr make for the Fast Forward, as do Terence and Sarah. Remember, only one team can win a Fast Forward.
Tina, Toni, and Andrew take the Roadblock for their teams. They have to suit up in a biohazard outfit. That’s right. There is so much poo in there that they have to wear special clothing. Man, this is totally an episode of Dirty Jobs. And let me tell you, chickens are not terribly interested in making an egg hunt easy.
Toni finds the first egg, and they get their clue. They have to find a crane truck, and take it down the road to find one of two Mongol warriors. That’s a strange juxtaposition of things. Tina finds an egg pretty quickly after that. Andrew finds his egg last, but has a hard time getting back to Dan.
Once they find the Mongols, a falcon flies over to give them their Detour clue. Yes, you read that right. This is probably the most awesome thing that will ever happen to anybody who is not Brock Samson.
Fast Forward
Both teams get their at about the same time, but Terence is in a bit of trouble. He’s a vegetarian. As you may know, meat is one of the primary ingredients in sheep butt. OK, that’s pretty rough. Sarah does not look thrilled about this. Still, Terence gives it a try. All the while, there are dancing girls roaming around, thrusting their navels at them. This is a weird restaurant.
Starr’s gagging on it, but she’s also just absolutely chowing down. She’s significantly faster than anybody else there. You know, I wouldn’t have picked Starr to win an eating contest, but surprises abound.
Terence is really having a hard time keeping it down. He doesn’t really seem to be eating much anyway. Now, in fairness to the guy, not only is there the mental disconnect of spending so long as a vegetarian, but after that some people develop a meat allergy. He actually might be physically incapable of keeping it down. I’m no Terence fan, but I don’t think you can chalk this one up to wussing out. At least, not completely.
There’s a shot of Starr eating, and you can see that the palm of her hand has a nasty scrape, and for just a second, I’m really impressed with the continuity. You know, that they remembered she hurt her hand a couple of episodes back. And then I remembered that these are real people, and it’s not so much continuity as her actually hurting her hands. Fantasy and reality are a little more fluid for me than they should be.
Terence and Sarah bail on the Fast Forward, which is a good call. Of course, Starr is already done by this point, so they might have waited a bit too long there. Nick finishes eventually, but you get the feeling Starr could have wrapped up another ass or two in the time it took him. They get to go directly to the Pit Stop! Those two, coming in first? Who’da thunk it?
Back at the Roadblock, there is much shouting as Sarah searches a bit too gingerly for a golden egg. She finally finds it after delicately asking individual chickens to move. I’m telling you, Sarah is aces in my book. I also like that she’s been pushing birds around for two weeks now.
Detour
“Play like mad or act like fools” In the first, the teams learn to play a simple Kazakh folk song on two instruments that I have no prayer of spelling correctly. Once they’ve learned it, they have to play the song for people in the park, earning $1.50 in donations.
In the second, the teams put on a two-person cow costume and walk the streets until they find a milk vendor. They must drink a glass of milk, and then get directions from the bottom of the glass. This will send them to a butcher’s stall to find their next clue.
Team Wolf Too picks the cow costume. Meanwhile Team Eeyore is lost and asking people for directions. Only, they don’t speak the same language as the pedestrians. Team Eeyore blames Kazakhstan for this. (Calling them “horrible people” at one point. Man, I hate them.) They then have the weakest argument ever while walking through a field. They’re genuinely mad, but neither one is that bright. Thus, the argument includes a lot of angry “Whatever!” statements. I assume they cut out Dan’s brilliant rejoinder of “So’s your face!”
Ken and Tina go for the cow, too. That does seem more fun, and I believe there’s no way I can learn to play any instrument ever. I’d be at that other Detour forever.
Team Wolf Too suit up, and Dallas is very proud that he’s making his mother be the hindquarters. Hee. For their team, Tina takes the head, which comes as no surprise. Ken is excited about mooing. But how can you not be? I’d be mooing like a mofo! Team Wolf Too passes the milk stand, but Ken and Tina spot it. (Strangely, the milk stand is not marked with a red and yellow flag. Tina misses the clue at the bottom of the glass, and so assumes they’re at the wrong milk stand. They notice Toni and Dallas approaching, hilariously asking “Is that another team?” Nope, just people in a cow costume walking down the street, I bet. They head off to find another stand, but Toni and Dallas drink their milk and spot the clue. Ken and Tina make their way back and check out the glass. Only at this point does Team Eeyore get to the Detour and also choose the cow.
(Actual dialogue: Andrew: “I should be in the front, because I can move faster.” Dan: “No, the bigger guy is usually in the back. For weight distribution. There’s probably physics behind it.” You have no idea how long I laughed at that.)
Terence and Sarah are close behind, also choosing the cow. I always feel sad when one of the Detours goes unchosen. Sorry, editors and local merchants!
Ken and Tina return their costume before heading to the butcher, which is not at all what the clue says to do. Team Wolf Too finds their clue, still in costume. The clue tells them to bring their cow head to the Pit Stop. Hee. They meet Ken and Tina on the way out, and remind them that they need to be in costume. Tina does not take this well, but chooses not to believe them. The butcher rebuffs them, and they head back for their costume. On their second trip, they finally get their clue.
Team Eeyore gets their costume but leaves their shoes behind. Well, that can’t possibly be a stupid move. They finally pay a cab driver to walk them to the milk stand, while Terence and Sarah ask somebody nicely. Eeyore gets their clue, and not only specifically ignores the “on foot” part of the clue by taking a cab, but still seem to believe they can pick up their shoes at a later date.
Terence and Sarah are the last to reach their clue, but they have a good attitude. Plus, I was pretty sure at this point that we were looking at a non-elimination leg. We have two to go!
Pit Stop
Nick and Starr are, brace yourselves, Team Number One! They each win a Waverunner, and I’m sure they’re pushing some kind of record for consecutive first-place finishes. Toni and Dallas come in second, and once again I’m irritated that they never show time stamps at the end of the episode. I’d love to know how much time the Fast Forward saved, but by next week, I’ll have forgotten how interested I was.
Ken and Tina take third, which is more a testament to how poorly the other two teams did this week. Team Eeyore comes in next, but Phil sends them back to the butcher so they can follow directions and make their way on foot. And they fight the whole way over who’s been more patient.
The editing has is believing that it’s very close, and then freaking Team Eeyore gets there first. Dammit! I’m so tired of these guys and their moping and their constant second-to-last placement. Terence and Sarah come in last, and they audibly moan when it turns out to be an elimination. Awww.
You know, I’ve been giving Terence a pass, mostly because he just seems a little weird and isn’t that good at gauging people’s reactions. He’s been getting kind of slammed online, though. Like I said, not a huge fan, but I feel like he really tries. Coming off as patronizing when you don’t mean to, well, that’s not the worst thing in the world. I think he’s probably a good guy, and Sarah just seems really cool. Best of luck, guys!
Stupid Team Eeyore. Why won’t they fall????
