And people who talk about how they’re playing everybody are usually, well, wrong.Russell busts out a complex zoological metaphor for the houseguests, involving a snake’s head and lemmings.Jeff thinks that putting Braden up is a shot at him, which is probably right.
Big Brother 11: Eviction, Week 1
Jordan has a good cry about how somebody in the house is “starting stuff up”.Ronnie looks guilty because he thinks he’s the mastermind everybody’s talking about.Jordan gives Braden bad advice about how to get people on his side.It’s bad advice, because she think people will like him better if he “talks to them”, and this is Braden.He shouldn’t be talking to people.Chima expressionlessly assures the Diary Room that she’s safe.
Lydia and Casey have a chat – Lydia’s upset that Jordan was more sad about Braden being nominated than she was about Lydia.Holy crap, they’re taking this high school thing all the way!They’re actually devolving before our eyes.They’re totally going to get high and talk about how they’re going to go to Europe for a year after graduation.
We get our first real glimpse of the Memory Wall.Unsurprisingly, Casey is posing like a moron in his picture.Russell and Braden talk about the upcoming elimination, and Braden thinks that Lydia “betrayed” him, and Russell convinces him that’s the case.In Braden’s head, this spins into all kinds of drama very quickly.Somebody tried to get off the block in Big Brother?Scandal!
He heads outside to give Lydia and Kevin crap.One would think he’d be more upset at the person who actually nominated him, but logic and Braden are only casual acquaintances.He calls Lydia a “skank” and a “bitch”, which pushes Kevin’s buttons.Kevin calls him out, and Braden throws a drink at him.This seems to be the part where Braden misapplied racial slurs, because everybody reacts as if he said something to Kevin.Kevin takes it pretty well, and Jeff sort of turns on Braden.It’s all very dramatic.Also, Natalie is there.She doesn’t really do much on the show, so I feel obligated to point out whenever she somehow wanders on camera.
After a commercial, Julie assures us that “a fuse has been lit, and the house is about to explode”.Not literally, though.Probably not.I wouldn’t put anything past CBS at this point.Back in the house, Lydia freaks out on Jordan, who’s just sitting there chilling out.Yes, they really are fighting because Jordan didn’t cry over Lydia’s nomination.Jordan is totally confused by this argument.This whole bit is full of crazy high school logic, as they argue about whether or not Jordan talks to Lydia enough.Then Kevin faults Jordan for what Braden was saying, which is at least a little bit crazy.Poor Jeff gets drawn into it, called out for his silence.Jeff has a great response “I told him he was out of line!What was I supposed to do, drown him?”Ha!Lydia and Kevin are mad at Jeff now, and Jeff is baffled.Man, those two are going to turn on Julie Chen next!
Later, Jordan and Laura have a meeting of the minds.She proposes a mega-alliance with the Brains, Casey, Braden, and Jeff.Also, I have to mention it, Laura has a mustache.I don’t even have HD, and it’s plain as day.I wouldn’t even mention it, except she’s always telling us how beautiful she is and how other women are jealous of her.She clearly is expecting her cleavage to draw attention away from the ol’ soup strainer, but surprisingly, she is incorrect.They try to get Ronnie on board, but he’s not thrilled that Phase One involves getting rid of Chima.Luckily for them, Ronnie’s a toadie and will go along with whoever’s speaking.Next, they talk to Casey, which is unfortunate because it involves listening to Casey’s voice.Also, he is partly shirtless and his man-nipple is dead center on the screen.
Finally, Julie starts talking to the houseguests.Julie asks Russell why he’s a jerk.For his part, Russell is wearing what I like to call a “Douche Hat”, and he explains that he’s mean to Jeff because he doesn’t like him.Jeff refuses to discuss it, except to confirm that they don’t like each other.Julie then asks Jordan and Lydia what the hell that was all about, but they’re kind of giggly now. It seems like they’re cool now, except for Lydia being excluded from the Secret Alliance which may or may not exist.
Next, Julie talks to Jessie in the HoH room.No doubt this will be fascinating.Julie asks Jessie how it feels to ruin my summer for the second year in a row.At least, that’s the way I heard it.Also, Jessie thinks that he and Russell are the brains of the operation.That’s it right there.They kind of cut into their live time with all the crazy fighting.
Julie asks Braden to plead his case.He says everybody there is an “incredible person”, and that he’s made mistakes and he apologizes.Chima trash-talks Braden and they cut the audio when she repeats what Braden said about Kevin.You hear somebody in the background yelling “No, No!”And I don’t know whether that’s the producer or a particularly delicate audience member.There are gasps from the audience, and then nervous giggles.Man, Chima is going to get reamed by the producers.
Time to vote!Russell votes to evict Braden. Natalie speaks for the first time this episode and votes to evict Braden.Jeff votes for Chima.Jordan also votes for Chima.Those were pretty much as expected, really.
After the commercial, Kevin votes to evict Braden.Laura and her Renaissance Fair Prostitute top vote to evict Chima.Lydia votes to evict Braden.As Michelle comes in, Julie says it’s no secret that she doesn’t like Chima.Isn’t it?I don’t recall Michelle having enough screen time to register any dislikes.Anyway, Michelle votes to evict Chima, which elicits chatter from the audience.Casey votes to evict “Chima’s melodramatic behind”.Man, there is nothing Casey can’t make more irritating.That’s 5 to 4 in favor of keeping Braden.So either Ronnie seals the deal or throws it to a tiebreaker.And he actually votes to evict…. Braden!That’s 5-5, so it’s up to stupid Jessie.
Without any pomp, Jessie evicts Braden.Man, that alliance collapsed instantly, didn’t it?He leaves without any real emotion, but the audience goes nuts.Everybody gathers to watch his picture turn black and white, and we cut to the Chenterview.Braden’s taking it pretty well, all things considered.Julie flat-out tells him that Ronnie sold him out, so clearly they’re not bringing back any evicted Houseguests this year.He gets to watch his Farewell Tape, and everybody says pretty much what you’d expect.Oh, Casey manages to be totally irritating and Lydia is really smug.
Head of Household time!Each clique has a podium, and Julie will poll them with questions about who BB viewers believe are “Most Likely To…”, only they’re talking about cliques rather than people.Laura gets the first question, and eliminates Chima.Julie screws up calling the second question, but Jeff gets it, and he eliminates Kevin.(Hey, know what I didn’t miss since last year?Recapping competitions!)Laura gets the third question and eliminates Russell.Casey gets the next one and eliminates Natalie.
By the way, it’s too bright outside, and Julie really can’t see the lights on the podiums indicating who rang in first.You’d think they’d have this kind of thing ironed out after 11 seasons.You would be wrong.Laura gets it wrong, and is eliminated.Casey eliminates Jeff, which takes all the Athletes out of the competition.Lydia eliminates Jordan, ending the Populars’ chances.Ronnie takes out Casey.Michelle gets the next question which means Lydia’s out, so it’s Michelle and Ronnie for the win.(You may have noticed that I’m not recapping the specific questions.It’s because they’re really stupid.)
Ronnie gets the last question and wins HoH.Holy crap, they actually drop streamers and confetti!What just happened?Is he the one millionth Head of Household?Back in the studio, Julie tells us that last year’s winner, Dan, will be popping in on Sunday.Yay!We end watching the hamsters mill around the yard awkwardly, with Ronnie making a serious face.Because of the power, you see.
I can’t get a read on Ronnie yet, so I can’t even guess who that little nutbar is going to nominate.Sunday should be fun!
