Big Brother 11: Nominations and Veto, Week Five
Chima gloats about being Head of Household, not knowing that she’s basically a lame duck.Russell is nervous because of the blow-up they had, and Lydia is pretty sure she’ll be nominated.Also, Lydia calls Natalie her “archnemesis”.Hee.I firmly believe that everyone has an archnemesis and a mortal enemy.There is a fine distinction, but now’s not the time.
After the HoH, Chima talks about just drawing names for nominations.Jordan explains that they’re calling the mystery power “wizard power”.Hey, where were you for Harry Potter week, Jordan?Hilariously, Jeff says in the Diary Room that people have been saying that whoever holds the power would be stupid to use it.He replies “No, you’re stupid!” and there’s something about the way he’s responding to the argument that he’s recounting that cracks me up.I want to hug everybody who voted for Jeff.Line forms to the left!
Chima and Natalie talk about nominations.It’s pretty clear that she’s putting up Russell, but Natalie doesn’t think Russell would nominate either of them if he were HoH.That exchange totally didn’t deserve its own paragraph.
Time to see Chima’s HoH room!She looks like a crazy lady in every single picture, and her father looks about five years older than she does.Anyway, she reads her letter, and apparently her ill mother is receiving a new treatment.There’s something weirdly distant about the tone of the letter that makes me think Chima and her mom aren’t that close.I love that part of the letter’s advice is “Be realistic”.Like she’s telling Chima “we both know you aren’t going to win”.
Later, Michele and Chima talk strategy.Chima explains that she wants a woman to win, so she thinks she’ll nominate women for eviction.That is a sterling plan there, young lady.Destroy the village in order to save it.Chima’s torn as to whether to keep Russell, since she still thinks she’s in an alliance with him.Chima has not been paying attention.
Next, Russell visits the HoH room to apologize to Chima.Personally, I think Russell has the votes to stay regardless, since everybody seems to think he’s in their alliance.Once again, they rehash the crazy three-way argument from Thursday, which mostly seemed to happen because Michele is a very literal thinker.(She told Russell that Chima said she couldn’t trust him (which she did say), and then when Russell turned that into “Chima said she’d backdoor me”, Michele denied it because that isn’t at all what she said.Those neuroscientists don’t go for “close enough”.)Then there’s the most insincere hug since, well, any hug involving me.
Outside, Jeff and Jordan admire a giant spider.Jordan asks what webs are made of, and Jeff answers “web”.Ha!Jeff also claims the web comes out of their wrists “like Spider-Man”.Oh man, I said that about two seconds before he did!Jordan says she couldn’t make webs if she were a spider, and then wonders how spiders mate.Jeff’s classic response:“Dude, your mind…What do you think about all day?”I wish these two would get their own show after the season’s over.I would watch the heck out of Jeff and Jordan, I tell you what.
OK, this is really uncomfortable, so I’ll say my piece and get out.Chima announces to a small group, in an almost gleeful tone:“I’ve got a sad story!I was raped by a serial killer.”Awkward…Jeff tries to talk her out of telling the story to that gang of knuckleheads, but Chima is excited.Now, and I may be a horrible person, I’m not convinced that she’s telling the truth.Her face and body language are way off, and the fact is, that’s a pretty rare combo.Serial killers don’t break into houses because they have to control the environment.And if I’m wrong, I apologize a thousand times, but what she’s describing sounds an awful lot like the Carver from Nip/Tuck.I have discussed this with several people in the last few days, and they’ve all agreed that this doesn’t quite seem true, but also that they feel terrible for thinking that.I don’t even dare go into all the holes that my sister poked in her story, but suffice it to say, she demolished it.And the thing is, if she’s making this up or exaggerating at all, she’s a sociopath.I don’t know.It’s creepy and I hate that I can’t bring myself to believe her.There is a part of me that thinks she’ll tell Julie Chen that it was part of her strategy, and then Julie will slap her in the face.(Man, I wish this had been Myndi’s week to recap.)
In a less uncomfortable scene, Jordan tells Jeff that she thinks the both of them are coming up.They argue about whether Russell and Chima are friends again, and Jordan thinks Michele has the mystery power.Jeff assures her that they’re safe and that Chima will nominate Russell and Lydia.Man, Jeff’s got his finger on the pulse.
Ready to shift gears abruptly?The doorbell rings.Natalie and Kevin race to answer the door, and it turns out their guest is Jeremy Piven!Don’t even pretend like you were expecting that.Now, I’m well over Entourage, and I’m tired of Pivs stealing the Supporting Actor Emmy away from Rainn Wilson every year, but I still think he’s pretty hilarious.Jeff is way excited to see Piven, Jessie and Michele don’t quite seem certain as to who he is.Jeff assures the Diary Room that as far as celebrity visitors go Piven is “in the top ten.Maybe top eight.”Hee.
Piven asks the group who’ll be the first one to lose it, proving he hasn’t actually ever seen an episode of this show.You think we made it to week six without multiple people freaking out?He does successfully pick Lydia as being a crazy lady, and then asks if they’re allowed to hook up.Everybody’s all “Ooh, Jeff and Jordan” because the show is pretending that I haven’t seen video of Jessie and Lydia doing their dirty, dirty business.Anyway, Piven is there to promote his new movie, The Goods.So yes, it’s another product placement challenge.But still, I’m really looking forward to this movie.Two cast members of The Office and one Bluth – that’s a winning formula!
So they’re going to split into two teams, winning team gets to see the movie and one of the winners gets a big cash prize.In the Diary Room, Piven says that they seem like “a bunch of nice kids”.Hee.They make him feel so old.I’m with you there, bro.He totally pretends like he’s going to hang out with them once they leave the house.Jessie doesn’t understand this and really thinks they’ll be going on a man date.
Outside, it looks sort of like a used car lot, only with a bunch of giant props.Essentially, each prop can sell a certain number of cars (because we’re really forcing the theme here), and they have to stuff their team’s car with props and team members.Highest score, I’m sorry, highest number of cars sold wins.Kevin, Lydia, Jeff, and Michele make up one team, with Natalie, Jessie, Russell, and Jordan on the other.Jeff’s sad that he and Jordan aren’t on the same team, but recognizes that they have to split up once in a while.Chima can’t play, but she can pick a team.If her team wins (she picks the team with Jessie on it), she gets to see the movie.Also, losers are the “have-nots” for the week.
As usual, challenges are hard to recap.The notable thing is that Jordan is obsessed with getting a big stuffed bear in the car.Also, Jessie is boring.Anyway, Jeff’s team sells 399 cars.At the end, Jordan’s team is down by seven cars, and then the teddy bear comes out and puts them over the top.Team Jordan wins!And then everybody takes a “Commission Envelope”, and Russell takes the prize of $10,000.
Afterwards, we get a brief scene of Lydia being all crazy and possessive with Jessie and then Natalie totally c-blocking her.And then Natalie gets mad at Jessie because eventually Lydia will put her on the block, as well as making a reference to “World War 5”.Man, this whole thing is boring the living crap out of me.Jessie and Natalie talk even more about Natalie’s assumed betrayal by Lydia.So they’re basically mad at something that hasn’t happened yet.It’s like Minority Report, only dumber.Actually, it’s exactly as dumb as Minority Report.
Nomination time!Everybody’s worried, but we don’t need to be, since we know all about the mystery power.Natalie is safe!Jessie is safe!Kevin is safe!Michele is safe!Jordan is safe!Jeff is safe!Russell and Lydia are on the block, just as Jeff foretold.Man, it’s hard to care about nominations when Jeff can overturn them, isn’t it?At least Lydia calls herself a “lone wolf”, which makes me think of The Hangover.Hopefully, one day Lydia’s wolf pack will grow by one.
TUESDAY
The “Previously” segment brings up the Russell/Michele/Chima fight again, which means we’re getting more of that.You know, just when I think it’s too boring, I remember that last year at this time we were watching Ollie and April Sapien make out.All things considered, we’re doing pretty well.
Once again, Lydia is worried about being nominated, and Russell complains about being nominated by his own alliance.Or at least one of them.Jessie and Natalie tell Chima what a good job she did.Yes, she did manage to put keys in a thing.Way to go, Chima!
Late at night, Jeff gets called to the Diary Room by Magic Voice.This makes Jessie think that Jeff has the power.Is it normal that people get called to the Diary Room?If not, that might cause suspicion.Chima, Jessie, and Natalie discuss who should play in the Veto, as if it’s not random.Also, we never find out why Jeff got called to the Diary Room.Mystery!
Russell asks Jeff about joining his team, and I sort of thought that had already happened.Jeff is receptive, and he indicates to us that he’s thinking of taking Russell off the block.That would be smart, I think.Later, Russell and Michele play pool, which is such an unlikely pairing to be doing that.Russell tells Michele that Ronnie was out of line in insulting her, but then they go back to arguing about what Michele said about Chima.Now it’s turning into a matter of who remembers the conversation correctly.Russell’s a little pushy for somebody trying to get votes, and finally Michele storms off.She goes to complain to Chima and Natalie, and that results in Chima wanting to get rid of Russell and Jeff.Hey, what did Jeff do?
Russell starts needling Michele and calling her “nuts”, which is not going to win him friends.They actually stand there and argue over whether Michele is crazy, and whether Russell respects women.Well, you can argue with individual woman and still respect the gender as a whole, I think.Chima trash talks him in the Diary Room, witlessly.
Commercials – Holy crap, the rumored Will Ferrell role in The Goods appears to be a reality.In fact, he appears to be dressed as Abraham Lincoln.I am totally seeing this movie.
Time to pick players for the Veto.Chima draws Natalie’s name.Russell gets “Houseguest’s Choice” and picks Jeff, ruffling Jessie’s feathers.Lydia also gets “Houseguest’s Choice” and chooses Kevin.Everybody dresses in chicken costumes, which is pretty awesome.Outside there are chickens, eggs (apparently real) and “bacon bridges”.They have to grab eggs out of the coop (gradually moving them up the chicken wire until they can get it over to their side), cross the bacon bridge, and get them to the egg stand.First one to get a dozen eggs wins.
Boy, this is not a recappable challenge.It takes a really long time for anybody to actually get their first egg out (Kevin claims to suffer from “Tiny Asian hands”), with Kevin getting the first egg, Russell and Jeff close behind, and Natalie dropping her egg and having to start over.Then Natalie gets frustrated at her inability to not suck, so Jeff makes fun of her.She tells him to shut up, and Jeff suggests maybe she’ll throw an egg at him, if she could actually get her hands on one.Hee.
Jeff has a run of bad luck, while Kevin, Russell, and Lydia rock it.They get six eggs each shortly after Natalie gets her first one.It comes down to Russell and Kevin fighting it out for their last egg.Russell taunts Kevin to rattle him, and Kevin ends up winning by only a second or two.Way to go, Kevin!
Russell’s pretty shook up to see his last chance disappear.Clearly, he has underestimated how much America loves Jeff.Later, Kevin talks to Lydia about not using the Veto, and just seeing how people will vote.Lydia doesn’t get it, and neither do I.Suddenly Kevin thinks it’s better to not take her off the block, because he doesn’t want enemies.For his part, Russell drops a turd in the pool and tells Jessie that they need to work together to take out Jeff.Not cool, Russell.Any other week, that would upset me a lot more.
Later, Jessie tells Jeff that he can’t trust Russell.Jessie’s actually got an interesting strategy – he’s working from the assumption that Jeff does in fact have the mystery power, and is trying to position Russell as a bigger threat.Wait, did I say that Jessie had an interesting strategy?What just happened?Anyway, Jessie tells Jordan the same thing, since he knows Jeff will tell her anyway.Jordan doesn’t believe him for a second, though.
In the hammock, Jordan and Jeff talk about the mystery power and how Jessie is working everybody.They’re pretty sure Jessie is just trying to get the votes to put Russell out, and Jeff says he’d love to see Jessie on the block against Natalie.Oh, if only there were a way to make that happen…
The next day, Russell keeps trying to aggravate Chima.These two hate each other so much.Chima makes a comment about Russell being a terrorist, and he calls her a racist.Of course, he makes an unfortunate remark about “the pot calling the kettle black”, which is probably not a great line when you’re accusing an African-American of being a racist.Just saying.There’s a montage of Russell taunting people, which is actually sort of funny.They’re both acting crazy, but Chima seems a little more unhinged.I really though she was going to start swinging.Apparently, earlier in the season she screamed obscenities at Magic Voice when ordered to the Diary Room, so she’s got sort of a history of lunacy here.Chima scares me.
Hey, time for product placement, as the winning team sits down to watch The Goods.Chima, Russell, Jessie, Jordan, and Natalie.That has to be comfortable.I think it’s funny that Big Brother is trying so hard to make sure I want to see a movie that features Tony Hale, Craig Robinson, and Ed Helms.My ticket’s already bought, bro.
After the movie, Lydia tells Russell that Kevin’s not going to use the Veto, which justifiably irritates her.Then, Kevin asks if Lydia told Russell that he wasn’t using the Veto.He’s mad because he didn’t want the whole house to know.Wait, what?They were going to find out sooner or later.They go inside to talk, and Kevin’s mad that she revealed his plan.He’s the one not saving her, and he’s mad.He seems to think that everybody will like him if he doesn’t veto her.Since it’s pretty clear that she’s a pawn (again), I really don’t think it’s as important as he thinks it is.
Time for Kevin to stare at the Memory Wall and narrate.Everybody talks in the Diary Room about what could happen, and we all know it doesn’t matter this week.And so, it’s time for the meeting.Russell just says that he doesn’t expect Kevin to veto him and reminds him “Lydia is your friend”.And sure enough, Kevin decides not to use the Veto.Huh.Not like I’m a fan of Lydia, but that’s a pretty crap move.Seriously, that’s such a wuss move.
Jessie insults America for not giving him the mystery power.Jeff, on the other hand, thanks America and says he’ll make his decision on Thursday.I think it’s a safe bet that Jessie and Natalie are going up, especially since Jeff told Jordan that’s who he wants to put up.Whatever happens, it should be awesome.And Myndi will be there for you, rockin’ the Chenterview.
