Big Brother 11: The Poop Hits the Fan
Back to the new stuff, and Kevin comes back outside with a microphone for Chima, which she promptly throws in the pool.Everybody panics, and you can tell they know they’re in for a long night.Later, Magic Voice asks her to go and get a new microphone, and Kevin fetches it again.For her part, Natalie is still practicing on the golf course.Back in the Red Room of Misery, Chima talks about walking out, and Magic Voice summons her to the Diary Room.She refuses, and says she’ll only deal with the producers in person.And then, the voice of God.Well, the voice of Executive Producer Allison Grodner, but you can’t spell “Grodner” without, well, you know.Allison orders Chima to the Diary Room.Finally, she listens to Allison and heads down.Meanwhile, Natalie is talking about her fanfic where Chima wins the power of veto and then Head of Household, and then sends all her enemies home.In the Diary Room, Allison tells Chima that there’s “no need to sit down” and she can “go out this way”.We can see somebody is escorting her out through the secret Diary Room passage.
You guys, this is awesome!Remember when Dr. Drew used to consult, back in the first season?They totally need him back for this episode.
Kevin tells Lydia and Natalie that Chima isn’t coming back.He also says she’ll be paying for the mic pack, but Natalie and Lydia claimed it fell out of her hand.And somehow flew twenty feet into the hot tub.Oh, if only there were a hundred cameras pointed at her at that moment, so we could answer that question.Allison’s voice summons everybody to the living room, and everybody freaks out a little.
Allison announces that Chima did not follow the rules and destroyed show property and “she needed to be expelled”.She asks that “the people closest to her” should pack her bags, and they’ll make a decision as to how it affects nominations.Well, despite Chima’s claims that she left voluntarily, this seems to be pretty clear-cut.When you’re escorted out through a secret passage, lady, that’s called getting thrown out.
Kevin paces and cries – he really feels bad about the drama.I totally think he’d much rather just hang out than compete.Poor guy.This has been a rough week for him.Outside, Jeff talks to the people I like, and says people went nuts over an elimination and ruined everything.Natalie tells Kevin and Lydia that it’s Michele’s fault that Chima is crazy.Yeah, that seems reasonable.Lydia says Chima wouldn’t listen and she made her own problems.Natalie is very upset that Chima lost her HoH power, which wasn’t fair.Perhaps she’s forgotten what show she’s on – they make up the rules as they go!Also, Natalie wants “vindiction”.I don’t know what that is, but it sounds serious.
Lydia and Kevin are trying to be reasonable, and Natalie’s mad about that, too.Lydia claims they still have a chance to “screw over the people who screwed” the three of them.Well, they’ve never done anything to Kevin, and Jeff took Lydia off the block, so I’m not sure how that constitutes “screwing”.(And who put Lydia on the block anyway?Memory of a goldfish, that one.)Who knew that Jessie was the person keeping half of the house stable?
The next morning, Michele gets to read a statement.The upshot is that since one of Michele’s nominees has left the game, her duties as Head of Household are over.I understand that, but it’s got to suck to have your reign cut short like that.Anyway, they’re now going to compete for HoH.Michele is still happy that the person she wanted to leave ended up leaving, so she’s OK with all this.Kevin thinks they can start fresh now.I can think of some people who just aren’t going to let that happen….
Outside, there’s a miniature golf course, and Jeff actually thinks they’ll all just be able to have fun.Hee.Anyway, if they get a hole-in-one, they get a point.If they miss, the ball ends up in a Ferris Wheel, where it will be assigned points based on where it lands.Highest score is eliminated each round, and they pick a prize from under one of the six covered platters, including the Head of Household key.However, players may swap as they’re eliminated, so we’re adding Yankee Swap to an otherwise volatile situation, which means that Dwight is going to end up with the teapot, and it’s all going to fall apart.
Hey, did you know that Natalie has been “running the house”?You might not have noticed, what with the way she’s never won, or indeed performed acceptably in, any competition, but there you go.On the first round, Russell and Jeff both get a hole-in-one, as does Kevin.Lydia goes out in the first round with a 6, and she manages to pick the Head of Household key.Well, that’ll last for about a minute.
Round two.Everybody but Natalie gets a hole-in-one.Natalie gets a 7, the highest score on the wheel, and is eliminated.Natalie wins a Hawaiian vacation, and decides to keep it, leaving Lydia the reigning HoH for another minute.
In Round three, Russell is eliminated with a 7.He wins a phone call from home, and swaps it for Natalie’s vacation.Natalie actually seems excited about the phone call, so that’s nice for her.She thanks Russell, and he says “I didn’t do it for you”.Hee.He can be an SOB, but he cracks me up.
In Round four, Kevin is out with a 5.Jordan hugs him and assures him “you’re so safe”, which is sweet.And now that it’s Jeff and Jordan still in the competition, I’m officially breathing easy.Kevin wins $5,000 and that’s nothing to sneeze at.
And for the final round, Lydia starts yelling at the two competitors.Unfazed, Jeff asks Jordan if she wants HoH.She really wants that letter home, so Jeff very deliberately knocks it right off the course.Awww.Jeff gets a Spa Experience, which he swaps for Russell’s vacation.Jordan gets the famous unitard, which now has some additional pieces.Naturally, she trades it for the HoH.And Lydia is stuck with Jen’s unitard.(Is it still the same piece of clothing?I kind of hope so.)Lydia gets snotty with her for being a “puppet” and a “ho”.You know, because of how she was banging Jessie even though he’d never actually be nice to her in front of the others.No, wait.That wasn’t Jordan at all…
Lydia keeps yelling insults at her, which Jordan mostly finds hilarious.“Is this all because Jessie left?”Yeah, I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around that, too.
Later in the house, Lydia is stomping around and slamming doors, and Michele calls out “wear your unitard, bitch”, which should totally be a t-shirt.Lydia’s act of revenge is to pour Michele’s beer down the sink and yell “Why don’t you go back to being a scientist?”You know, when somebody has a cool job, insulting their profession really doesn’t work.Lydia stomps around, demanding that they vote her out, and Jeff and Russell tell her she’ll be hanging around.Hee.She gets crazy, and says she’ll win the HoH, and that’ll be it for them.Jeff points out that she goes out first in every competition.Yeah, HoH is kind of a stretch for her.Jordan figures she wants to leave so she can be with Jessie.Lydia actually sounds really drunk right now, and she’s furious that Jeff used the Coup D’etat, and Jeff asks her if she could just calm down, so they can all let this be a fun experience.Lydia actually threatens to fight Michele, and them Russell asks why she’s slurring her words.She says “I’m not slurring my words”, but she slurs that, too.That’s pretty funny, right there.
Lydia demands that Jeff come into the Diary Room to talk to her.“Let’s see if you’re a man”.I love Jeff here.“Prove I’m a man by talking to a drunk person in the diary room?”Lydia goes into the Diary Room to cry about how much she misses everybody, including Ronnie.Meanwhile, Natalie’s acting reasonable and talking to everybody else.She says she can’t keep Lydia from flying off the handle.Kevin says it doesn’t take much to set her off, and Jordan points out that she wasn’t the one who started calling people a “ho”.Jeff says that he could lose it and bash out a window and “set all the beds on fire”, but he doesn’t.He asks that one of Lydia’s friends try to deal with her when she goes all nuts.I get the feeling Jeff has a low tolerance for drama – he doesn’t seem like a guy who gets shrieked at a lot in his daily life.
Time to see Hordan’s HoH room.Lydia doesn’t bother to come up, because she’s drunk and has control issues.Her letter from home is very sweet, and really Jordan is one of the very few people this season who is not embarrassing her family in any way.Well, other than not telling time, but I think they’ve come to grips with that.She cries as she reads the letter from her mother.According to the letter, they’re moving, and Jordan’s getting her own room.Turns out, she’s been sharing a room with her mother for two years.Wow.I’m assuming that they must be suffering from some financial problems, which is sad.Jordan’s really excited about this move, and the letter reminds her “no dirty words on TV”.Hee.Wow, that touched my cold dead heart.
Back to Lydia – the unitard now includes a cape and a “Captain Unitard” logo.Hee.They’re combining my love of Big Brother and my love of superheroes. They really get me.
Nominations!Man, there’s a lot happening this episode.Think we can get through this ceremony without drama?Michele is safe.Jeff is safe.Kevin is safe.Russell is safe.That means Natalie and Lydia are on the block, Natalie for the third time since Thursday.Natalie announces that she’ll be winning the Veto, which is only slightly less likely than me somehow winning the Veto from home.
By the way, it wasn’t addressed here, but Chima has lost her place on the Jury and apparently America will get her vote.Well, that bodes well for Jeff…
So instead of Double Elimination Thursday, we’re getting a Veto and an Elimination.It’s just as well things went down the way they did – I don’t think a woman in Julie Chen’s condition should have to interview Chima.Myndi will be there for you, probably jealous that I got to recap two of the greatest BB episodes ever.
