Speaking of the jury, they’ve all gathered in the backyard of their crazy huge sequester house at night to await the arrival of the final member of their panel and start the sanctimonious blabbing in earnest. They all seem pretty sure Sheila will be joining them, or as Joshuah puts it “Sheila couldn’t get herself out of a wet paper bag!” Um, she outlasted you, butthead. And, then she walks into the yard right on cue.
Sheila jumps right on the crazy train and starts in with how Adam gave the final HOH to Ryan so he could do his dirty work and that Adam never would have taken Sheila in the end because he knew she’d win. The music would like us to think everyone is blown away by this. My guess is that not all of them even heard her. Matt seems to be the most realistic about the game saying that “Big Brother is lying” and that his vote will go to the person who won the most and “outsmahted” the others. He points out Ryan and Adam teaming up on the POV that was James’s undoing as good game play.
Natalie dubs Ryan “scandalous” but I’m not sure why. I don’t think that means what she thinks it does. I bet she heard Tyra Banks use it and that was it. There’s more talk about who played better and how Adam was Ryan’s spy, but I don’t have the energy to transcribe that stuff, and I bet you’ve moved on as well.
As we go to commercial, there is another shot of Janelle, this time holding a homemade sign like she’s at an Idol taping; Eric from last season; and some random chick who winks in a way that unnerves me a bit. When we come back to the show, Dick and Daniele Donato are there, looking a little bored.
Now we have the always illuminating jury question segment. Matt asks both guys what they plan to do with the money. Adam is suddenly using big words and speaking in complete, coherent sentences and everything. It’s a little weird. Like if Dustin Hoffman was dressed as Raymond Babbitt yet talked like himself. He explains that he would give $100K to the United Autism Foundation to start an after school program, help kids and change lives. He’s almost apologetic when he mentions buying a car as well. Ryan’s answer is lame (which means I agree with Joshuah–DAMMIT!) as he says he’d help his mom, Jen and himself and that he’d get “something nice” as well as donate some to “a charity”. Vague and lame. Really, Ryan? You’ve had more than four days and nothing else to do and you couldn’t come up with a better answer to the most obvious question you might receive? Not good.
He further digs his grave by answering Sharon’s question regarding her eviction by saying it was a last-minute “gut feeling” to go with Sheila for Final Three and that he fought for her (Sharon) all week. We know he’s not lying, but it still sounds wussy.
Chelsia is grasping for something to get her panties in a twist over, so she brings things around to Jen telling people that Ryan was a racist and how she doesn’t want to reward him since he’s going back to her. Which has little to do with anything at this point, but OK, Chelsia. When he confirms how much he loves Jen, Chelsia’s all “wrong answer” with her bitchface in full effect.
Captain Annoying, aka Josh, asks Adam something about who won more, and Adam correctly explains that Big Brother is a game of physical, mental and emotional aspects at which point Joshuah scolds him like an old schoolmarm for screaming at him. Joshuah, that’s just how he talks. You’re a mushmouth and Adam yells. Deal with it.
James asks Adam who was better at competitions and Adam goes on about turning negatives into positives and how he overcame adversity and minimized risk. I feel like I’m listening to Adam interview for a job.
When Nat says something monotone and stupid about how she was supposed to be in there with them, Josh says, “How, Nat, there are only two?”, which is such a grab for screen time. Joshuah, you are not Rhoda to her Mary so GIVE IT UP!
Sheila is indignant and can’t believe Adam’s taking all the credit for her getting as far as she did. She says he didn’t carry her, but rather she carried him, which, no. You won one thing, which was handed to you, and you sucked at everything else. Adam was never on the block after the game became singles, you were there a few times. Do the math, Big She.
At last, both guys give a speech to shill for votes. Ryan again did not practice at all and his basically says he’s a “stand up guy”. Adam says Big Brother is about the relationships you form with people, game play and what you’ll do with the money (well, not strictly speaking, but OK).
After commercials, the jurors enter the studio to mixed levels of applause, Matt and James get the best reactions from the crowd and no one seems to give a rat’s ass about Chelsia or Joshuah, which pleases me.
The votes are cast with each juror making a statement. Matt says the winner is taking him to Vegas; Natalie…talks loudly; Josh says he voted for the one who was willing to play “bad cop” (I bet you did, Josh); Sharon went with the “most loyal”; Sheila says something about “loyalty, honesty and trust” and James, Mr. Make the World a Better Place, hopes they party the money away.
When we come back from commercials again, some nimrod has a ‘Marry Me James” sign. Clearly not a feed-watcher.
Chenbot then introduces the first six evicted houseguests and asks a question of…Natalie, saying a lot about the first six people out this year. There is a thing where Jen says she still doesn’t like Allison, who swears she never had any feelings for Ryan, but felt bad for him when Jen “sabotaged his game” by playing the racism card. Julie then goes to Ryan, to ask him about…absolutely nothing at all. Her wiring is still on the fritz from the earlier high-fiving, it would seem. Adam is then shown when he got duped into consoling Joshuah, who is ever so proud of himself in the studio.
We’re running out of time, so we’ll find out the winner when we get back from yet another set of ads. The suspense, if there really was any, is short-lived. Adam gets the first two votes (Matt and Natalie’s) and Ryan gets Josh’s vote. Sharon and Sheila are revealed as votes for Adam and he is declared the winner. James and Chelsia voted for Adam as well. So, in the end, Ryan only got the vote of his former secret-alliance mate, which I totally forgot ever existed in my previous column when I said Josh wasn’t friends with either guy. I guess this proves I may only be writing this for myself to read, since no one commented on that. I was kind of surprised by Sharon’s vote, but I guess Ryan’s non-answer during questioning pushed her to it, and Matt really could have gone either way.
As we see the assembled group–following Adam and Ryan’s exit from the house and Jacob, in an attempt to get someone to love him, tries to tackle Adam with a hug–we are told that James is the winner of the $25 K jury prize, with Sheila as the runner-up. I’m sure the intention was to make the second place finisher feel good about the voting, but I have a feeling it just adds fuel to Sheila’s fire of bitterness and spite. Jen is front and center with Ryan, and mugs for the camera as much as possible. Thankfully, he does not go the Mike Boogie route and propose on TV. The credits roll with eveyone hugging each other, except for Joshuah, who just stands there, smilling, with no one to hug. I smile as well, but I suspect we have different reasons.
We’ll be back with more Big Brother coverage in July!
