Sharon, 23, Realtor. Oh boy. She’s a “realtor”, since she’s also a restaurant hostess. And she lists her favorite activities as “talking, tanning and drama.” The tanning is quite obvious in her picture. The other two are not really hobbies, unless she’s in a theater group of some sort. The word drama is in her bio about eighteen times. And she is in a 12-year “on-and-off relationship” with a boy who “followed her home” in 8th grade. Y’all, this girl is not very bright…except for the orange hue of her skin.
EJ’s Snap Judgements:
Allison, 28, Pharmaceutical Sales Representative. I bet if you ran the numbers, Pharmaceutical Sales Representatives, as a profession, would be second only to bartenders in their representation on reality shows. Allison’s mouth terrifies me, and she describes herself as “confident, agile, and sexy”. Agile? Is she a tumbler? She seems to have some kind of dark past, ‘failing miserably’ in her attempts to become a professional gambler. I’m getting a strong crazy vibe off of her.
Amanda, 23, Paralegal. Amanda wears giant hoop earrings. Strike One. She texts her friends with a daily inspirational quote. Strike Two. She has a cat who thinks she’s a dog. Strike Three.
Jacob, 23, Electrician. I give him two weeks before he starts telling people that he’s a virgin. If you had told me that anybody in the world would name The Rock as their favorite movie, I would have laughed in your face. And then I read Jacob’s bio. Also, he mentions his ex-girlfriend twice in his bio. I have to think it would be easier to get over her if he didn’t have a symbol she designed tattooed somewhere on his body, but that’s just me.
Jen, 26, Bartender. Ah, yes. She’s a party girl! And a “fun/crazy party girl” to boot. I guess that beats a dour/melancholy party girl, but that “/crazy” makes me nervous. She lists tanning as one of her favorite activities, which makes me sad. Do people who are really into tanning high-five when they’re done? She also enjoys cheerleading, and I didn’t think there were really venues in which to do that as an amateur. If there is an exact opposite of me, it’s Jen.
Matt, 23, Roofing Foreman. Matt’s working some stuff out, I think. His bio mentions that he keeps his exes around for booty calls, and then it mentions his recent ex, who hooks up with other guys to make him angry. You can just tell he’s pleasant to be around. Let’s see… he lost on Fear Factor, and he’s the “ultimate competitor”. Really? That’s a bold statement. I like that in his list of favorite music, it shows “Jay-Z (hip hop)”. I’m not sure whether it was Matt or CBS who felt the need to clarify that. As opposed to the Jay-Z who’s in a jug band, I guess. Still, he likes “any music that has soul”. And do you know what screams ‘soul’? A dude in a sweater vest.
Neil, 29, Realtor. Neil is gay. Unfortunately, with a young cast, there’s no chance of him forming an unlikely friendship with a crusty old guy who’s never met a homosexual before. It says his mother is going through a divorce, and “he is there to support her in her time of need”. Except that he’s going to be inaccessible to her for several months. He plays kickball and ding dong ditch. Are those things that you can play after puberty?
Ryan, 27, College Student. I have a feeling Ryan likes himself a whole lot. I have an equally strong feeling that he’s the only one. The highlights of his biography are high school basketball and his plans to vote this year. People are going to leave the hot tub when Ryan stops by.
Sheila, 45, Single Mom. Ladies and gentlemen, the one person in the cast older than me! Though clearly, there are certain parts of her that are much younger than me. A former Penthouse Pet, she “lived the high life with Bob Guccione…for 10 years”. Were they involved or something? It’s a very strange thing to say. I picture her and Guccione spending a decade crashing Italian sports cars and doing blow. Oh, and she says she has a temper. That’ll be endearing, I’m sure.
