Big Brother Update — The Final Three Revealed
Anyway, we ended last week with Britney and Lane being nominated. Of course, at Final Four it’s all about the Power of Veto. Hayden makes sure Lane isn’t mad about being nominated, even though simple math says that he has to nominate one of his two alliance mates. Lane secretly thinks they can get Enzo out this week. That night, Enzo compares himself to a “Spartan going to war”. I will bet you one hundred dollars that Enzo spent like a week quoting 300 when it first came out. Enzo and Hayden clearly want to get rid of Britney and then Lane, and they’re suspicious that Lane kept Britney safe when he was HoH. These dudes get so weird about anybody in the Brigade making friends with anybody who isn’t. Enzo calls it “a storybook finish”. Odd, I didn’t know there was a storybook called A Fistful of Douchebags.
Britney goes up to see Hayden in the HoH room, and he says that nobody’s going to take him to the Final Two. Except for Enzo and Lane. Britney says she’s in the same position. I love how they’re basically comparing sob stories about their terrible positions, when one of them is safe and in an alliance with everybody else. They both think Enzo would win at Final Two unanimously. I don’t think I agree with that. You’re going to get at least a couple of people who don’t want to reward somebody who was terrible at everything, and I think the outing of the Brigade will ruffle some feathers. And I have to assume at least one or two people can’t stand Enzo but just didn’t get into arguments with him in the House. I mean, how can you not hate the guy? Regardless, Hayden does think Britney’s right that he can’t beat Enzo. This being Season 12, there is not any chance that anybody will change their minds at the last minute, though. I think the Houseguests think this is a scripted show and they don’t have the ability to do anything other than what was laid out for them. This crop of hamsters has been very vexing.
And now it’s time for the final Power of Veto competition. Each Houseguest has a clue board. Each slot has a clue on top and a clue on bottom. They have a stack of photos of houseguests, each photo showing two. So for the slot that says at the top “Spelled a nine-letter-word correctly in Cinco de Mayo” and “First Saboteur” at the bottom, you’d place the card with Brendon on the top and Annie on the bottom. Got it? Good.
Neat twist is that all of the cards have different pictures on the front than on the back, so process of elimination is not nearly as helpful as you might think. Some of the clues are really tough, actually. “Drank two bad shots for the Lawmen”? I have no idea. I mean, there are only three choices, but nobody has that information off the top of their head. Lane complains that he doesn’t even remember who he nominated last week, let alone who only played in two Veto competitions. He says that “my brain is mixing me up”. Imagine what Lane’s brain has to say about the whole thing.
Enzo is the first to finish, but he isn’t right. We can see that he’s got five of the eight wrong. And then, miraculously, Hayden wins it. Everybody’s shocked at how fast he was, and yeah, this usually goes a couple of rounds. Lane, by the way, hasn’t placed a single card by the end of the competition. So Hayden’s got all the power now. Britney thinks she still has a chance of staying in the House. She has no idea how deep their creepy little club goes.
The guys decide it’s time to tell Britney about the Brigade, which I think is really a dick move. At this point, they’re just ganging up on her. “Hey, guess what! All of us have a secret club, and you’re not invited. Also, there is no chance of any of us saving you, so enjoy an awkward couple of days, toots!” It’s just a bad, nasty idea, but they want to gloat, and they all secretly hate women. Lane actually doesn’t want to go there, but he’s afraid his friends will think less of him if he doesn’t join in picking on Britney. Hayden actually laughs about how she’s going to cry. I’m sorry, but these guys are just assholes.
Everybody but Hayden is in the HoH room later, and Enzo asks Britney if she thinks there was an alliance, and she names the obvious ones. Enzo says he was in an alliance with Matt… and two other people. And then Enzo and Lane just straight up start laughing at her, and I hate them so much right now. Stupid Enzo even brags about how they each had a nickname. Yeah, that was important to their success. Enzo taunts her like a really stupid James Bond villain. Hayden comes up then, and they catch him up. Now they start laughing about how they’re going to evict her. Seriously, this serves no purpose other than them being able to gang up on a girl. This is just nasty and gross, and I hate them so much. Britney starts to cry and leaves the room. Everybody tries to act like she’s overreacting, but they as a group decided to crap on her, and she has no place to go and nobody to talk to about it. Poor Britney.
I’m not kidding – this really bothers me. Sure, I thought it was funny when Rachel cried, but she brought it on herself, and she had someone to talk to. Everybody who Britney will see until they evict her had a good laugh about their brilliance at her expense, and there was absolutely no reason to do it. They just wanted to make her last days in the game as miserable as possible, because they’re men and it’s fun for them to hurt women. It’s creepy on several levels, and it’s just a rotten way to be.
Lane goes out to find Britney, and Enzo taunts him for doing so. “Come back! We need to talk about this.” Yeah, because Lane is the one who the whole house just pulled an emotional train on. Lane is surprised when Britney doesn’t feel like talking to him. He’s the least terrible person in the group now, but that ain’t saying much. He thinks he deserves credit for, I don’t know, not really being into it when they all laughed at her.
And now Julie Chen walks us out of that mess to take us to the final Veto meeting. Obviously it’s a sham, and I’m irritated that Hayden says to the nominees that he’ll be friends with them for a long time. I think Britney gets some say in whether they’re friends.
Lane gives a speech, and he tells his friends back home to “get ready for the steamboat”, and I assume he’s describing some perverse sexual act. Britney tells them they’re the “best people” that she’s ever met, which means she’s either in shock or deeply sarcastic. It’s time for Enzo to cast the final vote, and we learn that he abbreviates “Brigade” as “B.G.” which doesn’t make sense and takes exactly as long to say. I don’t want to deal with his ramblings anymore, so let’s cut to the chase. He evicts Britney.
Britney looks a little relieved to be out of there, frankly. You will not be surprised to hear that Enzo keeps talking about how great he is while they prep the Chenterview. Britney seems not at all bitter, but she talks about how much the Brigade revelation hurt – she was angry and betrayed and wanted to not vote for any of them. She’s really being classy here and giving those guys more credit than they deserve. Britney seems choked up at Lane’s farewell, where he tries to spin things to his benefit. She makes a hilarious face when Julie says she’s going to the Jury House. Can you imagine how much it would suck to not have to live with Rachel, and then to have to go back to living with Rachel all of a sudden?
Hey, there’s a Viewer’s Choice Poll, where our favorite Houseguest gets $25,000. Can I vote for Jeff again? Really, I have to go with either Britney or Captain Kosher. Man, I miss Andrew.
It’s time to begin the Final HoH competition. And guess what? Part one is another endurance challenge. Just like every year. They really need to start mixing up these final rounds. However, there is something awesome about this one. The backyard is made up to look like a jungle, and the guys are holding on to vines. Or, you know, ropes. And then the ropes start moving, slamming them into a wall. It actually looks really soft, but it’s still good to see these guys get tossed around for a bit. Then they start dumping water on them, which is also funny.
And that’s where it ends. Myndi will be here tomorrow to bring you the results of Round One and take you to Round Two, which I assume will involve picking out which Houseguests have had their pictures combined to make strange hybrid photos. Because why do something surprising at this point, right?
