Big Brother Veto Week 5 — Jeff and Jordan Heal the Pain
For his part, Matt shrugs it off, because what else can he do? You know it’s bad when I’m taking Matt’s side. Anyway, Rachel pours salt in a threatening manner while she gives Kathy the stink-eye from two rooms away. Kathy thinks that maybe Rachel isn’t safe with a knife right now. Britney takes the bullet and asks Rachel if she’s OK, and Rachel goes off. She’s fought every single day to be here! Unlike everybody else who is still in the house, you understand. Britney’s trying to stay on their good side to avoid drama, but she could not be happier that one of them could be leaving. By the way, it seems like Matt slips up a little and almost lets on about the Diamond Power of Veto, but since he’s talking to Kathy and Hayden, it whizzes right past them.
Later, Rachel and Brendon complain that the nominations are personal. Well, since Rachel’s won two of the last 4 HoH’s, is not like there isn’t a strategy value to getting rid of her. But still, try to be less irritating. That way, it won’t be personal. Brendon promises he’ll use the Veto on Rachel if he wins, and he even manages to say it with a straight face. Rachel says she can’t stay by herself. I actually sort of get that – she’s alienated everybody else, to the extent that nobody is going to give her the time of day except for the guy who’s banging her on the live feeds. Rachel cries in the diary room about how hard it is to be on a game show that has clearly defined rules that she was aware of prior to auditioning for that show.
There’s a bowling lane out in the backyard, which they assume is there as a practice for the PoV. Apparently they do this frequently, but it doesn’t always get aired. This week, practice makes it in, because it makes Rachel cry and hide under a blanket. Brendon goes off to find her. She says she feels like roadkill. No Rachel, that’s just the extensions. Anyway, she makes a big deal about going back out to practice, and the producers give us hilarious training montage music. Hee. They stay up until 3:30 AM practicing – which probably made for the most boring Big Brother After Dark episode ever. After successfully knocking over some pins, Rachel proclaims that she is awesome and there’s no way they’re getting her out of the house. Pride goeth before something, right? Wish I could remember the end of that saying…
And now, it’s time to pick players for the Veto. Wouldn’t that be awesome if it had nothing to do with bowling? Brendon asks if they have to “go through the charade”, because he’s definitely going to win. Damn, I wish I could remember what pride goeth before. Matt draws Kathy’s name. So we already know who’s coming in last, then. Rachel picks Britney, who is awesome at Veto challenges. Brendon gets “Houseguest’s Choice” and picks Enzo. Not because he thinks the guy’s on his side, but because Enzo has not done well on any of the challenges.
Later, the doorbell rings. This confuses everybody. It’s Jeff and Jordan, in matching pink bowling shirts! YAY! Matt is really excited about the two of them. Enzo says Jeff would have been in the Brigade and they would have given him a good nickname. No, no he wouldn’t have. And Jeff would not have accepted a nickname from somebody who calls himself “Meow Meow”. In the Diary Room, Jeff and Jordan say that they became friends before they were a couple. Jeff then asks if they’re still a couple. Jordan says “Of course we are. Everybody cheer!” Pause, then Jeff: “That was stupid.” I’m falling in love all over again.
Jeff and Jordan play-argue while announcing the Veto competition, and then they’re out on Lover’s Lane. And yes, Brendon and Rachel think it’s a good sign, because of how they’re in love. Sigh…. Jeff reminds us that neither he nor Jordan ever hosted a competition last year, and Jordan, as if just realizing this, answers “Yeah! Nobody ever picked us. Probably because nobody liked us.” Ha! They are the anti-Brendon and Rachel.
Now, the practice lane had three pins, while the POV lane actually has five, and if you know one down, another drops into place. That’s surprisingly elaborate of Big Brother. You get 45 seconds to knock down as many pins as possible, then you challenge somebody. If they knock down more pins, you’re out. If they hit fewer, you’re out.
Rachel says that it’s “five against two” and assures us that there are seven people playing. Aren’t there six in the veto competition? Did I miss something? Or did Rachel? Rachel’s first, and Matt talks about how painful it is to listen to Brendon being supportive. She got six pins, and challenges Kathy. Kathy hits the first two, and it looks like this is going to be awesome, then she misses about ten in a row. But then, Kathy rocks it and hits five pins in a row with only four balls. Yep, at the last second she hits six and seven, and Rachel is out of the running.
The houseguests literally gape at the spectacle of Kathy not losing. And because Kathy blurts out a “Yeah!” when she’s done, Rachel whines in the Diary Room about how Kathy isn’t playing with integrity and morals. Man, this girl…
Brendon is the first one up in Round Two, and we get the traditional Rachel approval. After every damn ball. He gets a total of three, and throws his last ball overhand in a tantrum. It doesn’t look like it came anywhere close to Jeff and Jordan, but they both backed up, so who am I to say? Britney justifies her status as my favorite with her Diary Room remarks. “It was the worst sportsmanship I have ever seen. And I played fifth grade basketball.”
Rachel is mad at him for not being better, which is kind of her thing. He challenges Britney. She gets five without breaking a sweat, and that means Brendon is out. Brendon and Rachel whisperedly argue about how mad they are and who’s more disappointed in who. Lane says Brendon’s acting like a girl. That might speak to a low opinion of women there, Lane.
Next up is Enzo, and I’m not even going to recount the way he talks to the ball, as it made me kind of queasy. At this point, nobody cares who wins because the Wonder Twins are out of the way, so they’re just having fun. Enzo gets eight, which is darn good. Brendon is still whining about how he sucks. He challenges Britney, who got a 9. And then it’s Ragan’s turn, and I didn’t even know he was playing. There really are seven people? What’s happening here? Three people pick three names, that’s six, right?
Ragan says he’s blinded by the hotness of Jeff and Jordan, which frankly, was a problem we had while recapping last season’s episodes. He “only” gets a seven, and challenges Matt. Matt gets a 9. So far, other than Britney’s first time, everybody has done better than both Brendon and Rachel. That delights me. Next time around, Kathy gets a seven, and Britney gets an 8. It’s just Britney and Matt left. And now Brendon complains that everybody is having fun, which is insensitive to his plight. Dude, you didn’t lose a loved one. You are going to be voted off of a game show where people get voted off. It happens every week. You’re the d-bag for being mad that people are having fun. And you know what’s adding to their fun? They hate you. If you were less unpleasant, maybe they wouldn’t. But you are, so they do. Heck, if somebody doesn’t vandalize Rachel’s Memory Wall picture before the season is over, I’ll be very disappointed.
It’s kind of interesting that they seem to be playing for bragging rights now. Nobody’s throwing the Veto so they don’t have to get caught in the middle. The House, as an entity, wants those two out, and everybody is willing to be a part of that.
Britney takes the final round by knocking down all ten pins, which makes this her third Veto competition. Is she the new Janelle? Sadly, this is it for Jeff and Jordan, and Jeff takes a minute to promote his web series, “Around the World for Free”. Jordan tells us that Jeff knows what kind of ring she likes, so he won’t get an ugly one. Damn, they’re adorable. If they get married, CBS had better televise it!
And then Rachel ruins it all by explaining that she’s going to confront Kathy about the way she acted. Yep, after coming in last on every single competition, she had the temerity to be happy when she did well. Rachel, this is only going to make you look worse. Much like everything you do.
Sure enough, Rachel pulls Kathy aside and tells her that she is awful. To Kathy’s credit, she says that she’s not going to listen to it, and gets up and walks out of the room. Rachel follows her and continues to harangue her. Finally, Kathy says that she’s not going to apologize for being happy that she won the round.
You guys, this is suddenly getting amazing. Rachel tells Kathy that she has to apologize. Kathy says “What are you going to do, make me?” And Rachel says yes to that! Specifically, “I’m going to sit here and ask until you apologize.” Rachel has no idea how apologies work. Like, they only really count if they’re freely offered. She looks absolutely pathetic here, and Kathy is being awesome. She tells Rachel that she’s wasting her breath, and under no circumstances will she apologize. Kathy also makes the point that Rachel challenged her because she expected Kathy to lose. Which is totally true. Heck, I expected Kathy to lose, and even predicted it when they drew her name. Kathy walks away from her again, which means that Rachel can attack her morals.
In the HoH room, Britney calls Rachel “disgusting”, and she’s right. Rachel chases Kathy down yet again, and Kathy tells her to shut it. Ragan correctly points out that Rachel has been the worst winner ever, referencing the “Floaters, grab a life vest” speech. Britney says that if Kathy apologizes, she’ll slap her in the face. Britney goes into her Rachel impression again, and points to numerous instances when Rachel taunted people who were on the block.
Later, Ragan is summoned to the Diary Room. That’s another thing that happens frequently, but they rarely show it on the air. There’s a laptop waiting for him, where he can get saboteur suggestions from Twitter. He refuses to hide Rachel’s extensions, because that would involve actually touching them. He also shoots down hiding stinky cheese under Rachel and Brendon’s bed, because nobody would notice the difference. He does, however, like the idea of turning Brendon and Rachel against each other.
This leads to a saboteur video. Lamely, it just announces that Brendon has been throwing competitions. Why would you take the saboteur seriously, since they already know that he can straight up lie in his videos? Still, I like the end “You’ll have plenty of time to discuss this, in the Jury House.” Hee. Rachel laughs about how lame it is, but Enzo thinks somebody’s really pulled the covers back.
Britney thinks the point of the video was to get them to evict Brendon, and Matt thinks it points to Rachel being the saboteur. Hey, this might be more fun than I thought. It might work in a way that Ragan didn’t anticipate.
Rachel goes to talk to Britney. Strangely, she does not demand an apology. Britney flat-out says that she’s not going to use the Veto. Rachel offers her $5,000 – she won that in a previous competition, and can use it how she sees fit. Britney tells her that if she vetoes Rachel, the house will turn on her. Man, Britney is just telling her that everybody hates her and Brendon so much that if one of them comes off the block, the other will go home. “It wouldn’t matter if they brought back Annie and put her on the block.” Rachel is not enjoying this.
Brendon later tells Rachel that he’s going to try to keep her in the house. He’s willing to look like a bad guy to do it. Yes, that will be a new facet to his personality… This is supposed to be a big emotional scene, but I can’t stand either of these people. Even the public domain knock-off “Kiss from a Rose” in the background isn’t going to change that.
And with that, it’s time for the Veto Meeting! Britney tells Brendon to make his case, but he insists that Rachel goes first. Rachel uses her time to tell Britney again that she’ll give her $5,000 for the Veto. Yeah, if Britney was afraid of people finding out about the private offer, she’s not going to snap at the public one. Rachel could not look more pathetic than she does here, as she bursts into tears because she might not win the game show. Brendon tries to be shocking and tells Britney that she’s a spoiled brat. Everybody’s grinning, because they saw Dr. Will pull this, only he had extra layers of irony. This is Brendon trying to be Will and sucking at it. Britney is seriously almost laughing at his diatribe. Well, until she actually does start laughing at him. She puts Brendon in his place with a lecture, and then does not use the Veto.
Rachel looks shell-shocked at the possibility that she’s in a situation that her boobs can’t fix. Brendon thinks his speech will keep Rachel in the game, but I think unless he eats a puppy before the live show, Rachel is going home tomorrow.
Myndi will be here tomorrow, and I guarantee she’s going to be happy about the outcome. (Somebody’s going to be recapping some sobbing….)
