Previously on Dancing with the Stars: We started the season with an unprecedented sixteen celebrities.  Ashley Hamilton was eliminated before we figured out who he was, and Macy Gray went home before she realized she was on TV.  Kathy Ireland was too bland to stick around, and Tom DeLay coasted […]

Tom & Samantha are in the middle of the ballroom to inform us that these finals will feature three new dances from each of our stars.  It takes mere seconds to introduce three couples, and to note that Kelly, Mya and Samantha might all be wearing gowns made from the […]

I suppose they can refer to last night as the “biggest night of competition ever” since the couples all technically did three dances, even though the lst one was about 30 seconds long.  I’ve poured a big glass of red wine to soothe my nerves about the impending results. As […]

Previously on Dancing with the Stars:Time travel seemed to be involved with some of those dances, and we saw what a Paso Doble will look like in the future.Depressingly, it apparently will involve making somebody’s already off-putting lips blue and haunting my nightmares.Aaron Carter was eliminated to the delight of […]

Wow, Samantha Harris’ dress is shiny!  I guess it’s in honor of the FUTURE PASO being the encore dance!  I really wonder what my partner, EJ, thinks about this shtick, since it combines such polarizing things as Joanna Krupa and his favorite dance, the paso doble.  As the dance ends, […]

We’re down to five couples and two dances per week as we inch ever closer to the most meaningless trophy in reality television!  And how will we get there?  Oh, we’ll do it LIVE, baby! Everyone’s dancing one ballroom and one Latin routine this week, the latter of which will […]