25 Days of Christmas Episodes – Day 3 & 4: NewsRadio – “X-Mas Story” & Aqua Teen Hunger Force – “Mail Order Bride” (Dec 4)
Matthew has a slow breakdown, laughing hysterically and with no small dose of hostility at his tapes, even though he doesn’t quite understand the sound effect that ensues whenever Fibber opens his closet. By the way, it’s hard to believe now, but there was a time when Andy Dick was really funny. Here? He’s really funny. Anyway, Mr. James explains to Matthew that he actually gave him the rights to Fibber McGee and Molly, not just the tapes. Neat, huh?
In a subplot, the Salvation Army Santa Claus working in the lobby threatens to murder Bill. Nobody believes Bill, because he’s prone to claiming “stalker” with little or no evidence. In a bathroom confrontation, Santa reveals himself to be a communications student trying to get Bill’s attention. And in the final scene, Bill plays the demo tape while driving home in his new Miata (tying the plots together), only to find that the tape consists of more threats and his brakes don’t work. Obviously, this is less funny after Phil Hartman’s real-life murder.
Best Line – Mr. James, on his Christmas present: “This was a bitch to get out of the frame, but nothing, nothing, fits better than a dead man’s shirt.”
Christmas Tropes:
Santa Claus – Sam Belford, the murderous Santa Claus.
Gifts – That’s pretty much the theme of the episode; they’re all mentioned above.
Celebrity Guests – Tone Loc and Toby Huss play the security guards who don’t believe Santa is dangerous. They also get their own name caps, but they’re considerably more excited about them than the WNYX staff. Yes, in my circles, Toby Huss is considered a celebrity guest. (“Scaramantula!”)
Reindeer Sweater – Of course Matthew wears a reindeer sweater! I’m surprised he only wore it for the Christmas episode, actually.
Learning a lesson – Don’t trust Santa. That dude’s crazy.
Cheer-o-meter Score: While they don’t shove seasonal platitudes down your throat, both plots are Christmas-themed and consistently funny. Let’s give it a 7.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force – “Mail Order Bride”
Original airdate 12/22/02
Things get off to a jolly start in a completely unrelated bumper, wherein a carnivorous Christmas present eats Dr. Weird’s assistant. (By the way, as with most ATHF episodes, it’s better if you assume that almost every sentence includes the words “completely unrelated” or “for some reason”.)
The story takes place on Christmas Eve, with Meatwad finishing his Christmas list. Seems the little fella just wants a hairdryer, and also some hair. Master Shake’s list is approximately the size of a King James Bible, and Frylock hints heavily that he’d like a new pair of sunglasses. Preferably the cool wraparound kind. Meanwhile, Shake and neighbor Carl have ordered a Russian mail-order bride to marry the both of them. Shake wants somebody to cook for him, Carl just wants to have sex with a desperate immigrant. (In case it isn’t entirely clear, Master Shake is a sentient milkshake, or perhaps a sentient cup containing a milkshake.)
Back on the Christmas front, Meatwad cites various holiday facts he’s learned from “Regis”. For example: “Statistics show there are more children in the world than ever. That’s China’s fault.” He’s also switched over to wanting a toy train, because any hair Santa could bring would come from an elf’s head. The talking meatball wants no part of that. Really showing their spirit, they have two Christmas trees, one of which is drawn on the wall in crayon and covered with glue-on ornaments (including a shoe and a hot dog), the other made up of two bare bushes stacked on top of one another. (These promptly catch fire.)
Svetlana finally arrives, and is instantly horrified by the large, hirsute Carl, as well as the talking milkshake. She locks herself in Carl’s house, breaking his heart. And then an attempt to cross the yard on a ladder balanced on the Aqua Teen’s roof (You know, rather than just using a ladder vertically like regular people) breaks his neck as well.
On Christmas Day, the unholy wedding takes place. Carl is wearing his finest tuxedo (which involves a floral pattern) and a stabilizing halo for his neck, Shake is clad in a bow tie and cummerbund, and Svetlana is on the other side of a locked door. Once Frylock pronounces them men and wife, Svetlana sneaks out the window and steals Carl’s car. That’s Christmas, folks!
Best Line – Master Shake: “Don’t refer to her as a babe. She is a Chechnyan prostitute, and you will address her as such.”
Christmas Tropes:
Santa Claus – Santa doesn’t make an appearance, but he’s discussed frequently. As Shake says, “Don’t talk to me about legal. Santa Claus ain’t legal, and he’s around.”
Gifts – From Frylock to Meatwad: A toy train, hair, and a hair dryer. From Meatwad to Frylock: Wraparound sunglasses made of pine cones. Meatwad to Carl: A stick. With a ribbon on it.
Learning a lesson – When welcoming a mail order bride, keep your house keys on you at all times.
Cheer-o-meter Score: On the one hand, Christmas is pretty well incidental to the plot of the episode. On the other, unlike most episodes in the series, none of the main characters are dismembered. That alone rates it a 4 on the Cheer Scale.
